Sing Me To Sleep

Chapter 2

On a normal day, I would keep my head down, walking as fast as my feet could carry me through the halls of the high school. I would bite my lip ring nervously and try to avoid being stuffed into a locker by making myself as invisible as possible. Today was different, though. Today, I felt almost happy, knowing that by two'o'clock, everything would be over.

I make my way through the double doors at the front of the school, smiling. The bottle weighs heavy in my jacket pocket, like an anchor that's holding me down. Like, without it, I might just float away. I go to my near-empty locker, just to see it one last time. There are a few journals, ripped and torn from wear, covered in various lyrics and drawings, and a half eaten bag of Skittles. That's it.

I grab the bag of Skittles and make my way toward first period. If I'm dying today, I might as well get a good last meal, right? I pop a few of the little round candies into my mouth as I take my usual seat in Chemistry. The bell rings and a few students shuffle tardily into the room, followed shortly by the teacher. Mr. Carson shuts the door behind him and turns to face the class, clasping his hands together. His eyes scan over each student in turn before landing on me. "Frank!" He exclaims and I sigh internally. Of course, he would choose today to single me out. Normally, I would avert my gaze and pretend like I don't exist, but now, I just smile in return. He slowly saunters to the back of the class toward me. "Mr. Iero," He says in a voice that is completely prepared for disappointment. "Do you, by chance, have last night's assignment completed for me?"

I purse my lips a little, thinking. "Nope," I say honestly. 

His mouth forms into an O and he sighs heavily. "Frank," He says, false concern filling his voice. He reaches my table at this point and lowers his tone, talking just loud enough for the few surrounding tables to hear his words. "You're very close to failing this class, I'm sure you're aware. Why are you so unmotivated? You'll never make anything of yourself this way."

"I'll make a legend," I say with a smirk. The kid who killed himself in front of the whole school? Yeah, that would be a legend that would live on forever. 

Mr. Carson shakes his head, his face wrinkling even more than usual with a frown. "Suit yourself, if what failure is what you choose." He walks away and class resumes. 

I toss another Skittle into my mouth, which bounces off of my lip ring and rolls across the table. The kid at the other end, I don't remember his name, picks it up. He twirls the little green piece in between his thumb and forefinger, the black nail polish contrasting with the candy. "Gimme," I say greedily and he tosses it back. I open my mouth in time for the candy to land on my tongue and grin at the boy, winking. "Thanks."

The boy looks down at his journal quickly, black hair falling forward to cover his face. I turn back to my own notebook, opening to a blank piece of paper, and begin writing. 

•••

The football pep rally started at two PM precisely. At 1:55, everyone would be shuffling into the gymnasium. Freshman would be clutching onto each other for dear life, not willing to lose their friends in the mass. Sophomores would be standing up on the bleachers, screaming at each other over the noise. Juniors, all of them except for me, would be sighing, overwhelmed with boredom and irritation as the other students crowded in around them. And the Seniors would be arguing with underclassmen about where to sit. I simply watched them all from the doorway before slipping into the bathroom around the corner.

I stand at the sink, watching my reflection yet again. This time, there is no doubt in my head of what I am about to do as I pull the bottle of antidepressants from my pocket and spill the pills across the ledge. I put a single capsule into my mouth and swallow. Then another. Twenty-three capsules later, I stagger into the gymnasium, taking a seat near the front. 

I feel fine at first, but when the cheerleaders come onto the floor, my head starts getting fuzzy. I begin losing feeling in my body and soon after feel myself begin to shake. There's a scream and I fall to the floor, seizing violently. I can't control my own body and I feel helpless as everyone moves at once, some crowding around me while others try to get as far away as possible. Others only watch as my body convulses on the hard gym floor. The medication makes my stomach twist, clenching in painful spasms. My eyesight goes next. Everything gets blurry and faded, like I can't focus on them, instead looking past them all. 

The sound of chaos fills my ears, while a bitter taste settles on my tongue. I wait patiently for it all to be over, for everything to go black and finally disappear.