Sing Me To Sleep

Chapter 13

I can almost feel the words echoing around in my head, the enchanting voice ringing out loud and clear and consuming me whole. It's enticing and mystical and I feel drawn towards sleep as it wraps warmly around me. I squeeze my eyes shut tightly, fending off the sensation, knowing that I need to focus. 

They think you're crazy
They think you're mad...

I feel the atmosphere around me spinning, making me dizzy. I don't open my eyes, letting the vertigo overwhelm me, and breathe out slowly. It's different from every other memory I've felt, this time trying to recall one that I can't consciously remember. In basic terms; I have no idea what the hell I'm even looking for, let alone trying to conjure right in front of me. My arms hang limply at my sides, my body feeling almost weightless, leaning back into the dead air. Everything is black, allowing myself to see nothing but the insides of my own eyelids. I want to make sure I get this right before I look. 

They call you stupid
Worthless
Tell you you're not worth it... 

It makes my head pound incessantly. It feels like my brain is throwing itself against my skull, fighting to break through the confinement and join me in the blackness that surrounds me. My teeth start to grind together, my relaxed hands balling into tight fists.

And now you're walking back
To the place you call home
But you feel so alone... 

It's nothing more than a dull ache at first before the pain and exhaustion wash over me like a flood of waves, taking my breath away. But I can't stop. I feel so close. I picture nothing more than the skeleton boy in my mind, trying my best to see past the face paint and the uniform and see him. I need to see Gerard. I need to know who he really is. I can feel my mind starting to open up, a few blurry and indecipherable images coming forward, but nothing I can make out. But it's coming. I can feel it. Dammit, I curse myself. I am so close...

The same hurtful hits
It's your darker place
In your virgin ears
The remarks they make... 

It feels like my mind is crumbling around me, all of the memories and thoughts falling down one by one, shattering before they even hit the ground. The ground... I can't feel it under my feet anymore. It's like I'm floating in the midst of the chaos, an encompassing thick air swallowing me into unknown depths and pulling me away from the remaining debris of my mind that falls around me. It hurts so bad... It's like my mind is being pulled in a thousand different directions, confusing my body and making it scream in agony. Literally. I don't notice it for a moment, but when the shrill noise breaks through the pain, I realize I've been screaming. My throat feels raw, but it's a normal kind of pain. Not like the excruciating rip and tear of my own limbs as the skin begins rupturing, splitting apart, twisting and pulling in painful waves.

And if they, if they really knew
All of those things that you do
In your room
To hide the pain... 

"Frank!" The voice breaks through my pain like a jolt of electricity. It's loud and panicked but it sounds muffled, jumbled together with the crumbling thoughts and massive headache. I try to open my eyes, try to focus on just the voice, both one in the same though one sings to me, unaffected by my misery, while the other is screaming out to me. "Frank!"

I bet their minds would change...

The pain fades in my arms, becoming nothing more than a numb pulse, and then, slowly, the rest of my body. Both of the voices seem to disappear at once, along with the painful twists and tears of my body, leaving me feeling drained. I can't feel anything for a long moment and I fight to gain control of my own body, which now convulses erratically on the hard ground. I feel arms wrap around me, pulling me close to another person. I gain dominance of myself, struggling to reach a hand up, grasping blindly at whoever holds me. My fingers brush a stiff fabric and I clutch on. It's like suddenly my entire body, every inch of me, every fiber of my being, has been weighed down. I try to speak, not sure what I'm going to say, but it comes out as nothing but a pitiful whimper anyway.

"Shh," The person I hold so close hushes me. "It's okay, Frankie. You're safe now. Just go to sleep."

But I can't. It feels so alluring, the thought of falling asleep in his arms, but I have to see him. I have to know that he's real, or as real as my own imagination can be. It hurts, forcing my numb body to work, the pain prickling like needles, but I will my eyes open to mere slits. But it's enough to make out the blurred skeletal face-paint that hovers so close to me, the vibrancy of the piercing hazel eyes that bore into mine, before I pass out...

Song title; If You Knew

Lyrics copyright to Joel Faviere