I was stunned of what i've heard.
Hindi ko alam kung anong tumatakbo sa isip nya but hearing those words?Fuck. Its getting into my nerves. I sighed. No. I dont want to get affected. Im done with this. Long time ago. He dont mean what he said, im sure of that.
I opened the door. All their eyes flew at me. I immediately smile. I roam my eyes at them. Hairs are wet. Upper clothes are wet. They sure practice the hell out of them.
" Stop removing your shirt Ace! My sister's watching" sabi ng kuya ko kay Ace na maghuhubad sana ng tshirt nya. I rolled my eyes. As if I did not see them topless. God, I even saw them in swimming trunks! Geez. What's the big deal?
" I've seen more than that" I said.
Napalingon sakin si kuya. He gave me warning look.Nagkibit balikat lang ako. Umupo ako sa isang monoblock na bakante. I can feel his stare. Im kinda affected but there's no way in hell that i'll make him see it. I raised my brow when I noticed that they are looking at me.
"What? Why did you stop talking?"tanong ko.
Umiling lang ang kuya ko. I even saw in my peripheral vision how Terrence clenched his jaw.
Ace cleared his throat. Lex whispered something at Adrian's ear. They are meter away from me kaya narinig ko rin.
"Did she hear it?" bulong ni Lex.
"Maybe. I dont know" sabi ni Adrian. I can feel the tension in the air. And I know they are thinking about it. That night. Nobody's talking.
"And now, this is awkward." Ace said.
"Oh son of a bitch" Adrian said.
I stood up. Itinaas ko ang kamat ko sa ere.
"Okay..okay. I know im not welcome. Im gonna get my ass out of here" sabi ko.
"No. You two should talk. Fix it. You're freaking adults for Pete's sake". Kuya said.
Nagsikilos na sila palabas ng studio.
"Wait.. what? No! There's nothing to talk about!" I said. My kuya faced me.
"Talk now. We'll leave" maawtoridad na sabi ng kuya ko. Im left here. Standing. With this jerk.
Kumalabog ang pinto ng isinara nila iyon. Oh crap.
Pure silence. I can even hear my own breath. Pakiramdam ko pati tunog ng butiki maririnig ko na. Okay fine. This is really awkward. Dapat ay lumabas na ko rito.
"Ciery.."
Napalunok ako ng marinig ko ang boses nya. Its soothing. Hindi muna ako tumingin sa kanya. Kinalma ko muna ang sarili ko. Hindi nya dapat makita na naaapektuhan ako. When I decided to look at him I made it sure that I look calm. Not affected.
Bumungad sakin ang mga mata nyang mapupungay. Malamlam ang kislap nito. His eyes are begging. Begging for what Terrence? For my forgiveness? That's so late. Too late. May kung anong pait akong naramdaman dahil sa naisip ko.
"My brother is just crazy.Gosh, I dont know what he's thinking" I said. Napailing ako. This is crazy.My brother is insane.
"That night..." Terrence said but I cut him off.
"Look, its nothing to me.Kalimutan na lang natin yun" I said. He looked shock then he clenched his jaw.
Patuya syang tumawa. At tumingin sya sakin ng matalim.
"Really? Forget? Ha, Ciery? Yun ba talaga ang gusto mo?" nagtatagis ang bagang na sabi nya sakin.
"Oo. Bakit? Ano bang gusto mo? Na iingatan ko yon like it is some sort of a treasure? No. I'll never do that." I said.
Halata ng gulat sa kanya dahil sa sinabi ko. Tumalikod sya sakin and brush his hair using his fingers.
"Baby if you could just listen t--"
"I dont need that. Not now. Kung noon mo yan sana hiningi sakin baka pinagbigyan kita. Listen? Fuck you! Ni paliwanag ko nga noon hindi mo hiningi! Now gusto mong pakinggan kita? Hell no." I said. My voice broke. Pakiramdam ko bumabalik ang lahat ng sakit na nadama ko noon. Pakiramdam ko nagkakadurog durog na naman ang puso ko. My tears flow freely on my face. Pilit kong pinipigilan pero hindi ko kaya. I cant because of loads of pain that im experiencing right now.
He pulled me to him and place me inside his embrace. I can feel the warm coming from his chest. A familiar feeling to me. I want to push him away but a part of me dont want me to do that. After all those years, I'll admit i've longed for this embrace. That him, Terrence can only give. I just cried my heart out on his arms. I dont care kung anuman ang isipin nya. I dont care anymore.Kahit na isipin nyang mahina ako. Its natural that when you get hurt,crying is the only way to ease it. A bit. Crying does not mean that a person is weak. Its just one way of acknowledging the pain. Lahat naman tayo nasasaktan. Simula pagkabata hanggang umaabot tayo sa panahong kaya na nating mag isip ng tama at mali. Every step that we made, in life, pain is there. We failed. We've been hurt. We lost. Pain is there. It only reminds us that we're still alive.
Sabi nila, ang pag iyak ay isang paraan ng puso na sabihin na puno na sya. Saya man iyan o sakit. Mapipigilan mo ang pag iyak, but not forever. Its like a timebomb that when it reached its time, it will explode.
Sobrang hapdi na ng mga mata ko sa kakaiyak. But tears dont stop from falling. I feel Terrence hand caressing my back.
"Im sorry, babe. I really am. If only you will..." he didn't continue what he's saying. I just feel his chest goes up and heard him sighed. He stop caressing my back. And I feel his hand on my head. Hinahaplos nya ang buhok ko. Naramdaman ko na hinalikan nya ang tuktok ng ulo ko.
"Are you tired?Hm?" he asked.
I just nod in response. I feel my head quite aching. He accompanied me to my room and let me sleep. I can only hear the sound of my door closing and I drowned to sleep.
