Against All Odds

Chapter 36

Eve

Peace. The house is peaceful. It's not my house I'm in I don't think. It seems familiar but...no it's not my house. I'm surrounded by my friends and family. Everyone's here. My parents are standing with Benji between them. Max is with Lily, arm wrapped around her waist. The gang are there, laughing in slow motion. And Lucas. Lucas is here, beside me. I feel safe and warm.

Then everything changes. Fire suddenly engulfs my parents, the gang start to scream and Max is pulling Benji away from our parents, trying to save him but they keep dragging him into the flames. Everything burning. Harvey is a wreck on the floor, AJ crying over his sisters body. It's so silent. All this chaos and pain and I can only see it. It's so real. And Lucas. Lucas has his back to me. He's just walking away. I try to scream after him but I can't. I try to run but my legs take me backwards, towards the spreading flames.

The last thing I see is my whole family and friends surrounded in flames. So much pain...

And then I'm awake, sitting upright in bed and breathing heavily. I'm covered in a shining layer of sweat.

Managing to steady my breathing I glance at the clock. 1am. Another sleepless night, I think and sigh inwardly. I used to get nightmares right after my parents died. They were similar to this but it was just my family. Max noticed my clear lack of sleep and had taken me to get sleeping pills. They'd worked and I hadn't been troubled with such horrors until these past two weeks.

Two fucking weeks and we'd heard nothing from Lucas. Not to mention Benji's condition is still unchanged.

I've lost my parents, a friend and my little brothers on the brink of death. Life is cruel. It really is.

Throwing the covers off me I decide to go downstairs for a midnight snack. Ok it's one in the morning but midnight snack sounds better than 'one in the morning snack'.

After scouring the fridge and cupboards I find nothing I fancy eating. So much for that then. I glance outside the window. It's a calm, cool night. Not quite pitch black thanks to the shining of the street lights all down the road.

Tiredness overcomes me and I yawn. God I wish I could sleep without being haunted by dreams and memories. How I envy those who's heads simply have to hit the pillow and they're out of it until their alarms wake them in the mornings.

I know I should tell Max and get a prescription for sleeping pills again but I really don't want to become dependent on drugs to get to sleep. Absentmindedly I pick up my coat from the hanger in the hallway and shrug it on, leaving the house quietly but making sure to lock it again behind me. Walking down the driveway to the road I involuntarily glance sideways at Lucas' place. The house is silent. For the past few weeks it's been a crime scene and although the police tape is still surrounding it there's less people coming down everyday.

It sucks that Lucas has gone. I miss him. Even though we didn't know each other for that long it feels like a big part of my life is missing. Of course most of that is the lack of Benji around the house but still...I didn't think I liked Lucas in such a way but now he's gone I'm starting to realise my feelings. Stupid isn't it?

I'm not the only one that misses him. Harvey is lonely and I know the two of them got very close.

As I walk the lifeless streets I'm unsure of my destination so I let my feet lead and my mind wonder. As time passes I see the church in front of me and realise I'd walked to the graveyard where my beloved parents were buried.

I hate this place. Not because it scares me but simply because it holds so much sadness. So much unhappiness which doesn't suit my parents. They were the happiest people I knew. My little family with so much laughter and love.

A tear runs down my cheek as a lump grows in my throat. When I got to their graves I kneel between them, kicking myself for not bringing any flowers.

"Hey Mum, Dad." I say, my voice sounding loud in the silent evening. "You're probably thinking I'm coming with news on Benji...that he's awake and back to brightening everyone's lives. But he's not. Nothings changed. If you guys were here..."

By now I can't stop the tears. Tears of exhaustion and grief.

"You'd keep us strong Dad, telling us nothing could tear apart our happy family." I sob, my shoulders shivering. "Mum, you'd bring us all into a tight family hug and tell us to believe in Benji. Oh God. I miss you guys so much."

After that I cry for a good half hour. I try to be strong for Max but sometimes I need this outlet. This torrent of emotions.

When I finally calm myself I wipe a tissue under my eyes, blow my nose and kiss both of my parents graves.

"I love you, forever and always." I speak softly, smiling sadly.

~~~

Max is sat at the bottom of the stairs when I get in. It surprises me since it's not even 3am yet.

"Are your nightmares back?" He asks and I'm even more surprised. "Don't think I haven't noticed how exhausted you've been. I hear you getting up most nights."

I don't reply because I know he's going to suggest tablets. Rubbing my puffy, soar eyes I sit beside him and pull my coat around me.

"Not sleeping isn't good for you and I'm not having a repeat of last time." Max says, referring to the months I'd spent exhausted every singe day, falling asleep in lessons etc. "I'm getting you a prescription again."

"Ok." I don't fight him. I'm too tired.

"Come on, you can sleep in my bed." Max decides and for once I find myself getting at least a few hours of sleep.