Grey Hearts and Flowers

Do You Know the Baker Man?

"Does that look like a penis to you?" I ask Taylor as we stand in my office at GEH.

"I'm not quite sure, sir. I've never seen one with these dimensions before." He leans in and takes a closer look.

"I know the angle is odd, but don't you think it could be?" I point to the object in question. "See, right there, that thing shooting up...and over." We both tilt our heads in the direction of over.

"I don't know how to say this, Mr. Grey, but I don't think it's possible for it to be that lengthy."

"Well, he is my son," I say, pulling the framed ultrasound away from him. I've been going over and over this thing since we got it and I can't tell anything for certain. One minute I'm sure it's girls and then another possibility for penis pops up. It's like one of those optical illusions. Dr. Greene made sure to give me the most frustrating shot possible. Both sets of legs are pretty much closed, except for a slight knee bend and outward kick on one so there's just enough room to possibly see something, but definitely not. I think she did it just to fuck with me.

"They are good looking children, Mr. Grey!" Taylor says.

"Yes, they are beautiful," I say, smiling at the picture with pride.

"The new imaging they have is remarkable, sir. It looks like that one's waving."

"No, that's the penis!"

Andrea buzzes and I put the photo back onto the desk. All four of my children and Ana covering my workspace. I remember the first thing I ever put on my desk— other than a pen holder—was the glider, and now it's surrounded by a life built on the faith of its wings.

"What is it?" I answer the buzz.

"Welch on line one, Mr. Grey," Andrea says.

I switch over.

"Well, I'm glad you decided to return my call before the twins graduated high school."

"Listen, Grey. It's a no-go on the sneak peek of the Doc Greene records. I couldn't get anywhere. That office is tight. They were obviously prepared for your shenanigans."

"You're my investigator. You're not supposed to let them see my shenanigans coming."

"Listen, I can't hide the sun with my ass," he says. I'm not so sure about that.

"So, what exactly are you telling me?"

"Enjoy the party."

"Well, why don't you just enjoy the rest of your life!"

"Okay, I will."

I'm not sure what I just threatened, exactly. I felt like it should've been bigger than happily ever after.

"Did you get the other items I asked for?"

"Grey, for the last time, four-year-old boys don't have sex offender records."

"Well, you better find all the information you can—number of playground marriages, ring-around-the-rosies antics, playing entirely too well with others—because I don't want their first criminal mark to be against my daughter!"

Andrea buzzes again.

"Mr. Grey, your sister-in-law is on line two."

Fuck. Kate. She's probably calling to gloat.

"Hold on, I'm not done with you," I say to Welch and flip over to Kate. "Katherine, why if it isn't the gatekeeper of secrets herself—"

"Stop telling my husband to dig through my drawers!" she says.