Dorm 308

{ T H I R T Y T W O }

In the end, I had finally convinced my father to let Harry stay in the spare bedroom beside my room on the second floor. I haven't spoken any word other than "Okay" and "Sure" while plastering a tight lipped smile to both my father and Harry. I guess Harry had concluded that whatever my father and I talked about caused my sudden quietness. I was thankful though that he didn't not question me anymore. Meanwhile, my father seemed more at ease at the thought that I agreed to his wishes to stay away and stop involving myself with Harry.

I was helping my father with the usual house chores when his work phone, placed on top of the microwave, started ringing. He dried his wet hands on the towel and walked towards the phone. He spoke for a minute, mouthed that it's about work, and left the kitchen immediately with his phone on his ear. When the sound of his footsteps dwindled, I was left with an unusually quiet Harry in a very deafening silence.

I don't know what to say to Harry because I know, the inevitable, he will start asking why I'm distancing myself away from him. He will notice that my behavior around him changed. The idea of being away from Harry is not as hurtful as I thought it would, it's the fact that he will get hurt, or whatever men feels and thinks, and he will ask why and I will eventually feel guilty. It would be easy if I distanced myself away from him and he will not bother me anymore. I guess that will be more bearable, but impossible.

As I give quick and subtle glances at his direction, he's leaning on the kitchen counter, I keep on thinking ways to not hurt him, emotionally, will he even feel sad if you remove yourself away from him? Will he? Or will it be nothing to him?

I guess that solves it, I hope.

"Chastity, I'll be leaving for a while, there's an emergency in the office." My father said, cutting me off from my pessimistic and self-degrading thoughts. Whatever the problem is in the office, it surely exhaust him physically and mentally. He placed a kiss on my forehead before turning away. The sound of the front door slamming shut and the faint roar of the engine indicates that my father left the house with only Harry and I.

"You can bring your bags up in the room, last door on the left." I said a few moments later. Harry who's looking down at the table, looked up instantly at the sound of my voice. His face is void of all expressions, making it hard for me to understand what he's feeling. Whether he's all right, or curious.

"Okay." He said with a heavy and tired sigh before slowly moving himself away from the counter. I watched his slouched back as he walked to the living room where he left his bag. I listened to the sounds of his footsteps which tells me if he's climbing up the stairs or not. When I hear a echoing sound of the door being shut, I sighed to myself and covered my face with my hands.

I'm being torn of wanting to be with him and wanting to follow my father's orders. I know I shouldn't let anyone dictate what to do in my life but there are things that you are unsure or uncertain of, and for me that's Harry. I'm not sure if continuing to be with him will do me good and that's what holding me back, the reason why I let my father's words take over my mind. The reason why I can't decided because I'm not sure of Harry, everything is still alterable. I want to follow my father's orders because I'm dubious about what Harry and I have. Is he worth the trouble? Is being uncertain of Harry right? Is listening to my father the best option?

Is being afraid to get hurt relevant and reasonable? Because I think the real reason why I'm holding back is not because I'm not sure of Harry nor I want to follow my father's orders, it's because I know deep inside, even if I don't want to admit it, I'm afraid that Harry may not feel the same way. I'm afraid to get hurt if he tells me that he sees me only as a friend. I'm afraid that I'm hoping for nothing and that I wasted my attention for nothing. I'm afraid of being hurt and I guess I'm being reasonable because who even wishes to be hurt by the person you like. I know, whatever choice I'll possibly make, I'll never be left unscathed.