One After The Other

who Am I

I wanna be free. What a broad statement, but what I mean is I want to be described as fun and spontaneous. The girl who's not afraid the take risk and doesn't care what anyone thinks, just free, on an adventure wherever that might be. The girl that no one can contain, the girl that doesn't always do what's right but does whatever she wants, whenever. That's what I want to be, free. But does anyone really see me? I'm afraid that know one really sees me, not even the one I want to know the most. "When everything's meant to be broken I just want you to know who I am" -Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls.

The truth is I know people don't see me this way because I fear if they did they wouldn't understand bringing me back to my abandonment issues. But I have come to a place in my life where I'm ready for at least one person to see me, but is it too late? This is what I fear most because I have been pretending so long I don't know if anyone will ever see.

To most people at first lance I'm one of two things either the prissy, dumb, blonde white chick with big boobs who lives in the suburban white neighborhood with the perfect life and family or the perfect student who gets good grades and does everything right and could never be in pain or hurt. But at last neither of these are me.

Once I was described as a dreamer and I thought maybe that's me? But no it's not because as scary as it is I have no dreams I have no idea what I want out of life or what I doing with my life. So who am I really because I am so tired of keeping up all these resonances, trying so hard, who am I?

I guess it would be easy to just pick one and go with it. The artsy girl, the alternative, the sportsy, the skater girl. To just be able to pick one and be it all the time like if you're playing a part in a movie, life would so easy never having to keep up with it all just one thing. But as I think about this in further detail I see those perks but I also do a very boring life no having any differece, not standing out. I'm torn, so who am I?

Who am I that's the pending question.