One After The Other

Fool

Its funny how we fool ourselves to be happy and to smile because that temporary happiness is, well everything. To remember what it feels like to have desire, attention, and maybe a little taste of satisfaction throughout your day when you see someone, that's the happiness we all look for and when we go without that because of a heartbreak. Bringing only misery, doubt, and grief the yearning for just even a moment of release is consuming.

Can we really blame ourselves for being "happy" even if it's not real. We all want someone to be by our sides and bring us breakfast in bed, flowers, and just a warm body to lie next to at night, the new school slang, "relationship GOALS." Whether or not the relationship is right or wrong, real or fake we all want the world to see us as happy and to feel the happiness from us because if everyone else thinks we are happy well then maybe we can start to feel happy too, and that's everything.

The truth is once that moment of happiness passes, which it always does we all fell the sarow again almost as if we are living it all over again. But this time two people don't want us, then one registering in our brains that know one will ever want us. Which is the hardest part because then all our dreams are dead. The dream that we have found happiness and the dream we are okay and the dream that we are not alone.

This part makes me fearful and scared, it makes me want to cry because I don't want to feel like i have gone back three steps when just a month ago I was as happy as I thought I could be. But I guess I never was because I still love, miss, and need him. He's everything I want and look for and this scares me because how will I ever find this again.

Fear is Just as funny, we let it take over and inhabit our bodies and minds. When you're afraid, well everyone does something different. Some people run or hide, some just show anger to disguise it, others call for help. Me, I go numb, I forgot everything and fake that i'm okay and tell everyone i'm fine. But at this point the word fine has no meaning to me or anyone else, but still when we hear that someone is fine we don't look in or make sure their truly okay. We go on with our days because we don't have time for them or their problems and we are all guilty of this. So I guess the only thing to do is,... well who really know that...