Once In A Lifetime

Chapter 15: The Sentinel

"At some point you have to realize that some people stay in your heart but not in your life."
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-Soledad-

She tossed on her bed trying to find sleep, but it was so elusive that evening. She looked at her husband lying  by her side, he was already in deep slumber, mildly snoring. She admired him for being at peace and unaffected for what was happening the past days, when she was dead worried and agonizing in her reflective mood. Slowly, she stood up and lighted the corner of the room with a standing lampshade by the bed side. Underneath the bed, a small chest was laid.

She reached out for the chest and opened it. She was nostalgic as she looked at its contents. Inside, truth and lies were buried along with all the memories of the past years, better yet to be forgotten than remembered. But then, she kept them all intentionally, thinking in due time, they would serve their purpose. There were documents, pictures, letters, postcards and a couple of telegrams from her son. She picked up a telegram delivered this morning by the courier. She read it again, making sure the information was clear.

Inang and Amang... arrived in the Philippines. Coming home anytime. Denis.

Few weeks ago,she had mixed emotions when the first telegram arrived informing them of his freedom and soon homecoming. She could not believe after many years, her son was now a freeman and any moment they could be together again.

Since the day he left the country, the communication between them was never broken. Every now and then, they would exchange letters and cards. Although, there were moments, it took them months to receive the next one. Especially, when he was in prison. Now that he was coming, revealing the truth to Denise would definitely change the way things are.

She slid the telegram back in its place and closed the chest. Her thoughts wandered from the past, especially in that particular night when Denis came home drunk and profusely bleeding due to head injury. They rushed him in the hospital almost unconscious.

During those moments, she felt a part of her was almost dead. She was unsure how to handle the possibility of another death in her family. When her eldest daughter died, she grieved long enough before she realized she had to live for her other child, Denis, who was still very young and had been neglected due to her depression over such a lost. It was God's grace that made her survived the seemingly unbearable pain of losing a dear daughter.

She needed that same grace as she watched Denis lying comatose in the ICU for months not knowing whether he would ever wake up again. Since Linda's death, he existed with a meaningless life. His constant companion was bottomless wine that would drown whatever pain left in his already sunken heart. He was completely unaware that he had a daughter who constantly asked endless questions but found no answers. When he was sober, he was a good father to her. When he was drunk, he lived only for himself, unnoticed of all the people who cared enough for him to move on and have a life anew.

Soledad pitied her son in this miserable state. It was worse this time, as it was with her other child whose death was sudden, yet calm. But Denis was killing himself daily before her eyes and she could not do anything to help him die peacefully. Every attempt he made in his life was futile, leaving a permanent damage not only to himself but foremost to his daughter. Her heart went deeply for this innocent child - her granddaughter, Denise, who was blind about her Papa's messy life, who's too vulnerable to lead a life like him if his everyday would be spent in self-destruction.

Constantly, Soledad would lie to Denise to assure her that her father  was fine. She knew he loved Denise very much but his love for his wife is bigger than life.

Now, the worst had come. If Denis could survive, he would be an epitome of a future that did not exist. Denise needed a father who's capable of building a future, not someone like her son, Denis, who was taking the future away from her. Somehow, something must be done to save both of them from the cruelty of a wasted, meaningless and aimless life.

Her steps led her to the prayer room at the left wing of the hospital lobby. Silently, in between tears, she begged the Lord for forgiveness. All these things were happening because she was cursed for breaking the promise she covenanted with the Lord years ago. She was about to be a nun, but left the monastery to marry Gaspar. Love, then, was so powerful over her faith. But now, her faith, though how meager, was enough to keep the love she has both for her son and granddaughter. It had to be the other way... and the only way. The battle inside a mother's heart was too strong that she trembled praying...begging for His presence at that trying hour.

She walked away from the altar hopeful for God's leading as she was about to do something that would break her heart and that of her husband forever but it would definitely make Denise life better.

She found herself standing beside Denis in the ICU. When she saw that no staff was around, she trembled as she leaned forward. For the last time, she stared long enough to him, then kissed him goodbye.

"Rest now my son. Linda is waiting for you. You can be with her now." With tears and trembling hands, she closed the life support machine that sustained Denis life for months in the ICU. Then something happened. She saw his fingers moved.

"Oh my God! Nurse! Nurse! The ventilator please..." she was crying uncontrollably as the medical practitioners came rushing to save Denis life.

Her reverie ended when she heard some noise outside. She checked what it was, but she saw Denise peeping behind the half-closed window.

"What's wrong, Apo?"

"I guess, I saw a man standing in front of our house. But there's no one outside. I'm sorry if I have awaken you, La. Please go back now to sleep. I will just double check the locks before going to sleep." Denise said in a low voice while securing all the windows and doors against the possibility of burglary.

Soledad looked at the wall clock. It was past midnight. "Do you suspect a thief?" She asked Denise while finishing the locks.

"We can never tell, La. It's better to be sure than sorry. Why are you still up?"

"I was already sleeping but this dream keeps bugging me." She lied.

"Huh? What dream?"

"I dreamed about your... about my son." She watched her reaction.

"It's just a dream, La. Forget about it."

"Denise, Apo, what if one of these days, he'll come back?"

"Is that your dream all about, La? Then, it's the opposite." She kissed her and said, "Goodnight, La. May you have sweet dream this time." Denise climbed the stairs towards her room leaving her grandmother speechless.

Before Soledad went back on her room, she peeked from behind the curtain. She saw a silhouette of a man standing in front of their house. Her eyes might deceived her but her heart was too honest to be mistaken. Denis, her son was watching them like a sentinel in the night. Abruptly, she opened the door to let him in. But, Denis was gone. She closed the door slowly,  unaware that Denise was watching her upstairs.
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