Flowers and Their Crushed Petals (ryden)

Chapter 16: I fucking love you man

I sat at dinner with my new realization still fresh in my mind. Ryan and Jon were deep in conversation, laughing and reminiscing. I sat quietly, eating my meal, trying to figure out all my new feelings. There was so many new feelings and thoughts in my head, banging against my skull trying to get out. My head ached and I couldn't wait for sleep.
"Brendon, you're so quiet." Ryan said looking at me.
"I was just letting you guys talk." I said smiling, my heart raced looking at Ryan. His cheeks were rosy against his Snow White skin; and his eyes were a deep dark brown. I had noticed this all before but it all just looked so much more beautiful at that moment.
"What?" Ryan asked noticing my fixed stare.
"Nothing." I said looking back down at my plate. I could feel Ryan's eyes still fixed on me. I had never been in love before, it was beautiful but it was terrifying all at once. I had no idea how to deal with all the feelings. Of corse I had the feelings for Ryan before, but when I admitted my feelings to myself they became so much stronger.
Dinner finished and we headed for our room. I laid down on the bed as Ryan undressed in the bathroom. Ryan walked out and sat down next to me. He wrapped the blanket around himself and sat staring at me.
"B are you okay?" He asked. 
"Yeah, I'm super great. I'm just kind of confused." I sat up and stared at the beautiful man that sat in front of me.
"Are you sure? You seem... Distant." Ryan said running his fingers through my hair. I grabbed his face and pressed my lips against him. If I wouldn't have done that, I probably would have screamed to the world that I loved him. I wanted to tell the world how beautiful and great he was, how much joy and love he brought to me. He was everything and more I needed, but I couldn't tell him because I was scared he would be scared off and leave me.
"Was that distant?" I asked pulling away from Ryan's face. Ryan smirk and I kissed him again. I took off my shirt and wrapped my arms around his fragile body. I kissed his neck and chest and heard him release a soft moan. I wonder if he loved me too. I pulled off his boxers off and rubbed his thighs. I took off my pants and Ryan laid on his stomach. For the first time it felt like we made love. It wasn't sweaty and fast but beautiful and deep. We finished and Ryan fell asleep in my arms. This was all I wanted forever.
I woke up, Ryan no longer in my arms. I got dressed and walked to the living room. The house was silent, but I could here music very quietly coming from the back yard. I walked out to find Ryan and Jon playing guitars and singing.
"Oh, hey B. You sleep well." Ryan said smiling up at me. I felt my heart rate fasten and my hands began to sweat.
"Great." I smiled.
"Jon what's there to do out here that's fun?" Ryan asked setting his guitar down.
"There's a zoo. I kind just stay in the wilderness." Jon said with a laugh.
"You wanna go to the zoo B?" Ryan smiled at me with a big bright smile; and I felt my stomach feel with butterfly.
"Anything." I said staring at his amazing face.
"Great. You want to come?" Ryan asked Jon.
"Nah, you go have time with your boyfriend."
"Gladly." Ryan jumped up and grabbed my hand. We went to my car and started for the zoo. As we drove, Ryan would laugh or smile; and all I wanted to do was tell him how I felt about him. I wanted to scream that I loved him more then anything, but instead I sat quietly so I wouldn't slip up. The drive was long and I could tell he noticed my silence.
"Are you okay?" He asked when we were almost there.
"I'm great." I said shortly. He sighed, but I didn't want to scare him off. He was all I had. We arrived to the zoo and Ryan tried to talk to me again and I just smiled. We got out of the car and Ryan reached for my hand and I avoided it. He stopped in his tracks.
"Brendon stop." I hadn't heard him call him my full name in a while. I stopped walking and stood with my back turned to him. "Turn around." I did as I was told. "Why are you acting like this? Do you not like me anymore?" He asked crossing his arms.
"No. Not at all." I said feeling my feelings rise up again.
"Then what the fuck is going on?"
"Nothing!"
"Brendon don't fucking lie!" He yelled, I could tell he was hurt.
"I fucking love you Ryan Ross! I fucking love you man."