Flowers and Their Crushed Petals (ryden)

Chapter 19: I'm sorry Ryan

I climbed into my car and started to drive towards the venue. I saw Ryan as he left in the morning. He was glowing with happiness, but when he saw me his smile fell. I could still see his hurt and Gabe could too. He ran over and gave Ryan a huge hug all while smiling at me. They left and I felt the love of my life slipping away.
The venue was some big theater on Hollywood. The traffic was horrible getting down but it was all worth it. I stopped on the way and got Ryan flowers. A bouquet of wild flowers. Wild and free just like him. I pulled up to the venue and a huge lined was in front of it. I went around back like Gabe instructed me to do and showed the security guard my pass. I walked down a hallway to the room Ryan sat in. I opened the door and Ryan stood in the room humming.
"Hey, Ryan."
"Oh, hey B. I didn't know if you were coming."
"I'm sorry, I was late. Stopped to get you these." I held out the flowers and he took them.
"They're beautiful. Thank you." He walked over and wrapped his arms around me tightly. I felt him relax and I released I had nothing to worry about. He did love him. I should've never let Gabe to me.
"Oh, hey Brendon. You might want to get out there to your seat. Ry you go on in five." Gabe turned and left. He was mad. I felt like the champion.
"Okay, I'm going to go. I don't want to miss you." I turned and walked down the hallway that leads out to the seats. I made my way around the screaming girls to my seat. The lights darkened and the girls screamed even louder. Ryan walked on stage and brought a stool with him. He sat down and started to strum his guitar. He started to sing and his soft voice started to carry out over the crowd. The crowd was silent but it was a good silent. I starred up at him and he starred back at me. But something was different. His eyes. His eyes didn't sparkle like I remembered. I started to feel stupid. Like Gabe had stolen him right from under me. I felt my anger raise and my hate for Gabe grow. Ryan finished his song and Gabe came out on stage.
"Hey everyone! This is my friend Ryan, I hope you all liked him!" Gabe leaned over and kissed Ryan. On the lips. Yes, right on his God damn lips. Ryan didn't pull away. All Ryan did was blush, but not in embarrassed way, but in a flattered way. Gabe and Ryan left the stage. I started to push through the crowd of screaming girls and into backstage. I ran down the hallway towards Ryan feeling panic raise in my throat. I suddenly realized a worse fear. Ryan was faking it, he never loved me. It was all fake, every moment and word of it. He used me. All this time he used me to get down to California. All this time he used my money and gas to get him somewhere. He played me. I threw Ryan's door open, he stood in the middle of the room in his tight cheetah print pants and his white flowy shirt on the ground.
"Hey, B." He said with a warm smile. "You okay?"
"No. No I'm not. You lied."
"I what?" Ryan asked confused.
"You lied. You lied about everything." I felt my anger start to grow and my panic fade.
"B, I'm a little confused. Why don't you sit down and talk to me." Ryan reached towards me and I felt disgusted.
"Don't fucking touch me!" I screamed jumping back. This time not only did I see the hurt in his eyes but his whole entire body. "You disgust me Ryan. You lie and cheat and use. You are trash." Ryan stared at me in disbelief. "Are you still confused Ryan? You used me! You used me to drive you to all your little friends and then down to your fag of a boyfriend!"
"What the fuck are you talking about?" Ryan screamed. "You're crazy."
"I'm crazy. I'm crazy? Fuck you! You never loved me Ryan! Stop lying."
"What? What are you saying?" Ryan tried to walk past me and out the open door, but I pushed him back into the room and slammed the door.
"I'm not done Ryan." I saw fear wash over his face. "You had this plan the entire time didn't you? We weren't just driving around randomly, you had this all planned. Some big plan where you find some rich boy with a car like me and then use me. You fucker made me love you! Fuck you!" I screamed. I stared at Ryan, his face filled with hurt, anger, and confusion. "Fuck you, Ryan Ross. Fuck you."
"I don't know what's wrong with you B, but, but we can figure it out." Ryan reached towards me, and I lost control. I honestly don't even remember if I intend to do it or if it was just my reflects. I swung. And I hit. My first hit Ryan's face, hard. Full contact. And his slim body went limp and hit the ground. He hit the ground and bounced. Blood poured from the mouth and a purple bruise started to form on his cheek. My anger started to fade and regret started to form.
"What the fuck. What the hell is wrong with you Brendon?" Gabe said rushing in through the door. He kneeled down next to Ryan and put Ryan's head on his lap. "What the fuck is wrong with you? You're fucking cunt man!" Gabe yelled.
"What, what happened?" Ryan's eyes opened. In a moment I saw the realization hit Ryan's face. "How, how could you Brendon?" I felt my heart sink, he hadn't called me Brendon in the longest time. His words were filled with hurt, anger, and disgust.
"Get out. Get the fuck out." Gabe yelled his words filled with rage. "Security get him out of here." Before I knew it two huge men grabbed me and dragged me out.

I drove down the freeway in the dark. The night swallowing me up. My eyes were hot with tears. I was so stupid. I should've just him. I should've just asked if he really loved me. And so what if he was lying, I should've just played along until he left me. Now I'm alone. I'm alone without Ryan. I drove to Gabes house to get my stuff. I walked to the door and knocked. Gabes maid opened the door and stared at me.
"Are you Brendon Urie?"
"Yes." 
"Mr. Saporta said not to let you in. Here are your things." The maid bent over and tossed my bag at me. "He also asked if you had anything of Mr. Ross's to leave it here. He said Mr. Ross won't be seeing you again." I felt my heart sink again.
"Yeah, I, I have his jacket. I'll go get it." I walked to car and grabbed his black sweatshirt. I held it in my hands and stared down at it. My felt my eyes grow hot and my throat go dry. A sob escaped my throat and another, and another until it was uncontrollable. I dropped to my knees and gripped the sweatshirt to my chest. Hot tears ran down my face as my chest went up and down quickly.  I felt the air leave my lungs but I made no effort at getting it back. I didn't care if I lived or died. Ryan was gone. That's all I cared about. The idea that he never really loved me hurt, but the idea of him loving me and me doing what I just did to him hurt way more. I got in the car and wrapped the sweatshirt around me. I could smell him on it. It was almost like he was still here. I backed out and headed away from Hollywood. The whole time thinking: "I'm sorry Ryan."