You again |mpreg|

12

Holding it in was the hardest thing I've ever agreed to doing in my entire life. Usually, whenever I feel like giving affection to people it was no problem and I was super open, with Vic? It was like there was heaven above him and hell over me.

We were at a pool-party photoshoot and I was standing on the steps of an Olympic swimming pool. The water was clear blue and the shutters of the cameras reflected into the substance. The loud rap music was blaring from the speakers and I couldn't control the anger I had when I saw all of those models surrounding Vic. There was literally about six of them circling around him, feeling his muscles, and giggling after every single thing that he would say.

"Hey, hey- a little less anger and a little bit more... "Hot fragile sociopath who just wants to be loved", okay?" The instructor had told me. They were standing right next to the photographer and had been telling me what to do the entire hour and I was sick of it.

"It's my fucking face, I can look however the hell I want," I shouted out at the person.

They looked appalled, "my heavens...exactly who do you think you are speaking to, young man?" The person spoke, before turning to the photographer, "tell Lenny to bring in another model, this one has an attitude."

I scoffed,, all the anger suddenly bubbling up inside of me,  "fuck you," I told the person coldly, walking off of the scene.

I was so destructive in the moment  they I didn't know what to do with myself. I walked right past Vic and glared at him as I stomped away and left the pool area. I heard footsteps come after me and I thought it was him, which is why I slowed down; but turning my back, I saw that it was Justin.

I groaned, "what?"

"Kellin, you know what," he exclaimed, "you can't just walk out of the building like this! These people are judging me and if one of my models-"

"I don't fucking care, leave me alone."

"I'm your best friend," Justin said, and that woke me up a bit. What was I doing? Why did I lash out on the instructor like that? Suddenly, feeling myself go on there're of tears I sunk to the ground, put my back against the wall, and pulled my knees up to my chest.

"You're right..." I trailed off, gently, "I'm horrible...I'm sorry...I-"

"It's okay," Justin told me softly, as he sat next to me, "just tell me what's going on, Kellin."

I exhaled. That was something that I couldn't do, I then looked Justin in his blue eyes, "I can't," I sniffed, wiping my tears away.

He rolled his eyes, "how bad is it?"

I shrugged, "depends how you take it."

He smiled to me ever so slightly, "try me."

My stomach grumbled, and I was suddenly hungry, but I didn't want to react so quickly to my feelings do I ignored it. I bit my lip, "Justin...I've been feeling..." I trailed off, he searched my eyes as I searched for a lie, "not too well," I spoke, "I've been throwing up a lot, I've become way hungrier...and I'm like-" I broke my voice off. I was telling him more truth than what should've been said and I hated myself for admitting these things becuase they were true. My eyes began to process more tears but I didn't make any noise, I held a straight face.

Justin wiped my face gently, "go on, Kells..." He whispered.

"Well I've been gaining weight a lot...and sometimes I feel out of control."

Justin nodded, "if you're feeling this way, then I don't think you should be traveling like this, Kellin. We only have about two more weeks in California and then we're back in NewYork...but if you need a break, you can get one. You can live in my apartment or I could get you your own...and you could get a part-time job and it'll be fine-"

"Stop!" I screamed, shocked at my own tone of voice. I got up from the floor and glared at Justin, "you're going too fast, I don't want that, I don't want any of that Justin! You just don't fucking understand!" I shouted, as I began pacing the hallways and running away. There was too many emotions all rattled up inside of me, and I didn't know what was wrong. I just kept crying and crying and eventually Justin's fading voice that had been calling after me, disappeared and I left the building completely.

It was loud outside, full of laughter, shouting...I even heard the gentle waves of the beach crash into the ocean. I then decided that I was going to walk back to the hotel. I angrily scampered to the crossing-walk as I dialed Jenna's number.

She picked up in almost a heartbeat, "yell-o?"

"I hate myself, I want to die."

"Whoa, whoa, what's this all about?" She asked me with concern. That's the thing that I liked about Jenna, before judging me and jumping to conclusions, she always asked me how I felt and what my idea was on the situations that I'd gotten myself into.

I exhaled, as I pressed the walking button, "everything's a mess, Jenna. I'm dating Vic now...but he doesn't want to come out! And then when I was modeling this mean ass instructor or whoever the fuck they were, totally pissed me off! And then, just get this. Jut fucking get this, Jenna. Justin tries to confront me about the whole idea, but then he starts ranting about how I could quit modeling and live in his apartment with his dumb ass girlfriend or how I'll basically throw away my dreams, all because I need "rest" ! It's fucking ridiculous!" I shouted into the phone, seeing the walking light go on.

I then proceeded to walk at the intersection, " I mean, what the actual hell! And you should've seen those slutty models all over Vic, it was fucking disgusting!" I spoke, "I am so done with-"

But then suddenly, I was cut off. At this point, the amount of pain I felt was unbearable, indescribable, and truly malicious. A speeding car had jammed into my waist, and I gasped for air as I felt the car crash into my to cage and slowly crush my bones. It's like everything happened in such an instant that I couldn't even react. Before I could even make out a scream, my whole world had begun to fade away. Everything went black, and I was grateful, because that ceased the-

Pain.