Relapse ★ Bucky Barnes

JUNE FOURTH

Bucky,

Today was spent packing for Clint's. I never knew I had so many damn clothes, nor did I know you had so many. You know I never was one to listen when we went shopping together. I made sure you had enough before I took care of myself, and sometimes I would get just a bit carried away. I won't apologize for it, because now I have a bunch of beautifully scented hoodies, t-shirts, and sweatpants to bury myself inside of when I wanna go to sleep. If wearing your clothes helps me feel closer to you, then I'll wear them every day. I hope you don't mind that I decided to leave your socks and shoes for Greyson to wear, though. I have no use for them, considering my feet are ten times smaller than yours, and, well, your shoe preferences are a bit more masculine than my own (clearly).

Mason and Greyson helped me pack, which is something you never did because you're a lazy piece of shit. There was a lot of hugging and a lot of tears involved, some of which were because of you. If I didn't know any better, I'd swear up and down that Greyson was in love with you, Bucky, sometimes even more than I am. He's got a pretty decent sized man crush on you, and he does absolutely nothing to try and hide it. All I listened to for three hours was how upset he was that you were gone. He claims he misses your late night talks, which I never knew about. Probably because I sleep like I'm dead. When you come back, I expect a full rundown of your little "talks." God knows what you two spend your time talking about in the early hours of the night.

I'm scared, though, Bucky. I'm absolutely terrified to do this. I know it's necessary in order to keep myself safe, but I just don't know. My home has been Washington for the last 21 years, excluding the months I was basically trapped in the Avengers tower and the month I spent at the compound after you left back at the beginning of April. It's gonna be weird adjusting somewhere else again. You of all people know how difficult it can be for me to adjust; I spent a hell of a lot of time complaining to you about it back in 2014, and then you finally got tired of it and took my whiny ass home. I'm kidding, of course (kinda). It's just not easy leaving your home behind, especially when the only person who can give you that sense of home isn't around.

Yes, you are my home; you have been since the day I first met you. I've never met anyone who was able to elicit such a feeling inside me, and I thank you for that. It just sucks knowing that I won't know what home feels like until I'm able to see you again.

I love you so much, my sweet boy.

Yours,

Marlena