Mine, Always

Chapter Sixteen

In the seconds after me and Zach had kissed I realised that there is a huge difference in thinking about something and actually doing it.

Mum and dad might be ok with having a gay work mate, a gay hairdresser and they might be ok with the fact that their son's boss is gay but that their actual son is gay? That could quite easily be a step to far.

I couldn't handle my parents hating me, they are my parents I love them. They love me, at least for now and I want to cling onto that love for a little bit longer even if I do have to give up something as wonderful as Zach.

For the first time in my life I didn't tell Sophie what happened, I don't think I've ever kept a secret from her but it was surprisingly easy, I knew how disappointed she'd be in me and it was easier to live without that guilt if I'm honest.

I stopped meeting Zach in the library, I didn't answer his texts or his calls and I ignored him at swim practice, it was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, I pushed myself into training and left my body exhausted each night before bed so I wouldn't dream of him.

It went on for days, weeks and nothing seemed to be making me feel better, I was still sneaking glances at Zach, still checking him out, still wishing he'd just kiss me and make me feel better I wasn't sure that ignoring him was the best idea anymore but I knew I couldn't come out to my parents so I didn't know what to do, I do the only thing I could; I did nothing.

"Earth to Tom!" Sophie called waving her hand in front of my face over dramatically.

"What, what do you want?" I snapped I mean jeez she nearly gave me a heart attack.

"You know you best be in a better mood tonight, I'm not having you moody all night." Sophie said dragging me out of class.

"I'm not moody Soph, I'm just -" I start to say.

"-In a shit mood because you are ignoring the only guy you've ever had a chance with?!" She questions just daring me to deny it.

"I - how the fuck?!" I ask opening our locker and swapping books I don't need for ones I do.

"I'm your best friend, you were acting like a love sick puppy, and then in the last three weeks you've been acting as though someone ran over that puppy." She says grabbing the stuff she needs.

"That's -you scare me." I say.

"I know, but Tom I'm going to ignore that fact that you don't want to talk to be about it and let you in on a little piece of advice - If you want something - really want something - if it's the first thing you think of in the morning and the last thing you think of at night, go and bloody get it!"

I stare at her in shock for a moment because I'm not sure what I'm meant to say, of course I really want him, but enough to have the possibility to lose my family?! I don't know.

"I'll see you at yours in a few hours; go your late for track." She says and I swear because holy crap its 3:05 and I'm not on the field.

* * *

Four and a half hours later I am home sitting at the dinner table with my family and Sophie's family, apparently they are trying this new thing where they come to our house as much as we go to theirs.

"Tom are you going to take some of that chicken and pass it along?!" Mum asks breaking into my thoughts.

"Yeah, shit sorry." I say taking a few chicken strips; it's chicken taco night.

"Thomas! No swearing at the table." Dad scolds and I laugh because he swears the most out of all of us.

"You look knackered bro." Bobby says from next to me and I nod.