watchful eyes (tronnor)

three; the timeless beauty of the maiden

i got exactly forty nine minutes of sleep last night i hate myself so muc h

bethany is pretty, troye supposes. connor says she is, at least. he says she is in a million words that he has never had for troye. he says she is in hopeless glances and puppy dog eyes and in phone calls at two in the morning with tears and "she'll never like me the way that i do her". troye does not say that that is true, but he thinks it, and that's almost as bad.

it turns out that bethany does like connor the way that connor does her, though, and troye wishes that he could take back every wish he's ever made, just to ask to never see the way that her hands rest on his shoulder again.

the night that connor goes on his first date with bethany is the first night troye stares at the stars and wishes to disappear.

bethany is beautiful in the way that troye is not: she is beautiful in the curve of her waist and in her shining hair and in her light make up caked to dry skin in order to be more beautiful.

troye wants to complain that there is a fire in her eyes that does not want connor, but his body. troye wants to warn connor that she looks at ryan higa in a way that is not "just friends". he wants to push her and her pansy pink blush away from his best friend and he wants to crush her curled hair between his fists because she does not deserve to be beautiful in the way that connor likes because that is what he (as connor's best friend) is supposed to do. he wants to build a wall between their hands because on bethany's other side, she is using her hand to text another boy the love that she's supposed to give connor and connor alone (troye may not know that for sure, of course, but he's nearly sure).

but connor loves likes her, so troye can not complain. he can only hurt and ache silently, and that is something that troye is very, very good at.