watchful eyes (tronnor)

nine; tragic tales for the timeless lovers and the mortal fools

okay i was going to update yesterday only then i fell asleep, but it's here now so there's that. also update on the trigger warnings: there are going to be allusions to abuse at some point during the story, but it won't be in huge detail or anything. 

also apparently wattpad doesn't allow me to cross through words which is the stupidest thing i've ever heard, but so if there have been points where two contradicting words are next to each other its probably because one of them was supposed to be crossed out; i'll try and go through and fix that. sorry!

troye has always known that connor will never love him back. he's always accepted it, he's always born the hurt and never tried to make his (love) pain known. it would only hurt connor to know that his very existence is hurting his best friend.

he knows all of this, has it tattooed on the backs of his eyelids so that he never forgets, but it really starts to hit him when they are seventeen. they are seventeen and connor is in love. bethany has come and gone (she's with jason brobeck now) and so has lilly (who came out as gay last year) and may (who is now dating lilly) and so have the other four girls that connor has dated. troye has hated all of them, but none of them made him feel the hopelessness of he and connor more than lana waters.

she's beautiful (denim shorts and brown hair down to her waist and white shirts that hang loosely off of her shoulders) and connor seems to find it impossible to tear his eyes away from her. he spends all his time with her (holding hands and whispering empty words into her ear and tracing invisible hearts on her chest) and troye starts to fade in the background. he hates her, he wants to tear her heart out and leave her lonely and he wants connor back (though he has no right to want that). he hates her and her gold rings and red sunset lips and her stupid jokes that make connor laugh and smile and her hates how smart she is and he hates that freckle by her upper lip. the worst part is that there really is no reason to hate her other than the fact that connor loves her and she loves connor. she's beautiful and kind and perfect and there is no way that she's going to break anyone's heart but troye's.

but connor does not know that (and never will). connor thinks that troye likes her. he enjoys spending time with the two of them. watching lana press kisses to his cheeks makes troye happy. it absolutely does not make troye want to disappear die. there is no burning in the back of his throat nor caving somewhere in his chest and no flood in his lungs. troye loves the pair of them. he is not cracking. his bones are not brittle and his skin is not paper thin and he is happy for them. there is, after all, no reason why he would dislike the two of them. (connor still does not understand jealousy.)

it feels like a shakespearean tragedy, watching lana and connor curl together on the couch while the four - troye and tyler and connor and lana - of them watched bad comedies. troye tries not to watch the two but connor is making noises and lana is touching connor and tyler is laughing and troye feels this burning in his stomach and he just can not be here. connor only has eyes for lana and troye can only look at connor and tyler looks over at troye sometimes and his eyes are old and sad and sorry.

if tyler was a song it would be of violins and pianos and soft voices whispering tales of best friends and movies and stuffy basements and beer. tyler's music is of troye and connor and pity. but it is also of happiness, of laughter and bad movies in humid basements while the wind outside sobbed. tyler's music is happy. troye is beginning to realize that his is not.

lana tells connor that she loves him and he says it back with a smile on his lips.

connor tells troye what happened later the same night and troye falls apart silently on the other side of the phone. connor does not notice (he is running high on lana's love).