White Cloud

12- I'm Curious

After the incident at the pool with Vincent, I've been avoiding the pool area. I don't know when he works and I'm afraid of crossing paths with him in fear of the palpable awkwardness that is bound to grow between us. When I go on my jogs, I walk around the building so that I don't have to cross through the pool area and any other time that I have free, I spend it away from the first floor of the hotel in fear of running into Vincent on a break or something. I'm sure he's doing the same thing, trying his best to avoid me.

I spend the next few days in my room mostly, trying to find some kind of career that seems right for me. Taking online quizzes, searching high paying majors (not that it matters that much but maybe it's a start, just to give me ideas or something), and anything like that that I can do to try and find a good major for me. The quizzes have mainly been flops, telling me that I should be an architect or a lawyer. I even got a political scientist once and in all honesty, I've heard the term before but I have no idea what a political scientist is.

I think the architect is as close to something that I would want to be because I'm not very analytic (according to the quizzes that I've been taking, that is) and I'd like to do something creative. A web designer maybe? A photographer? I have no idea. I have some time before I have to figure out thanks to the fact that I'm taking a year off of school but trying to explore my options has helped me get my mind off of Vincent.

Which, as of lately, has been a somewhat hard thing to do. He seems very sweet and genuine and very fun. A nice friend to have and yeah, he's ridiculously pretty and I can admit that I do have a crush on the guy but I don't think that I'd be a very good girlfriend. I know that he only asked me out for coffee but he wouldn't have done that if he didn't eventually want to be boyfriend and girlfriend.

Although I'd love to taste his lips, I don't think that it'd end well and at least one of us would end up getting hurt. I think because Vincent has never been heartbroken before, he's more vulnerable to getting hurt which scares me because I don't want to hurt him. I don't know how I would do that, maybe I'd lose interest like Collin lost interest in me or I'd move away for college. I don't know.

These are the thoughts that have been running through my head for the past few days, ever since Vincent asked me out. It's ridiculous though because it's not going to happen so I don't have to weigh the pros and cons. I'm not even considering Vincent's offer—an offer that I highly doubt is even still on the table.

Desperate to get a distraction and tired of stressing about my future, I decide to call the purple-haired girl that I'd met on the beach. Jayda. Luckily, she texted me back saying that she's free and I suggest that we should go out to eat but she's just dying to explore the depths of the hotel so I relent and tell her that I'll meet her in the lobby. I'm sure that if Vincent is working today, he'll just be out by the pool anyway so I shouldn't be worried about running into him.

I know that I won't avoid him forever because I still want to be his friend but maybe just for a week so that the humility—for both of us—can fade off and we can forget about this whole thing. I can't lose him as an acquaintance right now. I want to say that we're friends but we've only had a few conversations and yet, here I am admitting that I have a crush on him. Honestly, I can't put a label on our relationship. Friend. Acquaintance. A crush. How I feel for Vincent is getting too complicated.

"Bea!" Jayda calls my name from the other side of the lobby where she's entering the hotel. She offers me a wide wave as she's walking in and I wave her over.

"Hey, it's good to see you," I greet her, noticing that it's pretty comical how much she stands out against the upper class, pampered guests that this hotel usually sees. Although I'm not very pampered, my dress style is just more girly and a little dressy so I never felt like I stuck out but Jayda is not like that. She's wearing a black t-shirt that reads "Free Tilly" and dark skinny jeans with black combat boots.