Fall or Fly

Prologue

"Higher!"

The little girl giggled as her mother obliged, making the swing fly higher and higher in the air.

"Mommy, I'm flying! Am I a bird?" She wanted to spread out her arms, but she knew she couldn't. She had been warned multiple times about falling if she let go. But still, it didn't stop her from imagining letting go and soaring above everything.

Her mother laughed, a bell like sound that the girl cherished everytime she heard it. The little girl smiled, blissfully happy. It was a pretty summer night, one of the ones where it was no longer hot because the sun was gone, and millions of stars took its place. One where you could go outside with your family, and have fun and look at the brilliant sky. It was a perfect night, with her perfect family, and the world couldn't be more amazing. Or so she thought.

She should have known something was wrong when she saw a police car, its lights flashing, pull into her driveway. Or maybe she should have known when her mother's face held worry in it as she went over. But the little girl was so happy, she didn't realize these things until she saw her mother's face crumple as the policeman talked to her urgently. And as all these things registered in her mind, she saw her mother run back to her, panic in her eyes.

"Honey, I need to go do something with the policeman," she said, pulling the little girl close as she looked into her eyes. "You need to go inside and tell your brother mommy told him to watch you, because she had to go do something. Can you do that for me?"

"What's happening?" she said, panic stricken by her mother's sudden urgency. "I'm scared," she stated, tears making her mother's beautiful face grow blurry.

"I know honey, I know. Stay strong for me, okay?" Her mother asked, and the little girl thought she saw tears in her eyes as well. But mommy never cried, did she?

"Okay."

And with that, her mother left her in her backyard, still sitting in a swing, with tears in her eyes and confusion in her head. She sat there as the sirens grew farther and farther away, until they disappeared into the night. Remembering what her mommy had told her, the girl got up and sprinted inside. She ran to her brother's room, and told him what had happened. This time, she automatically recognized the worry in her brother's eyes, although he reassured her it was nothing.

However, when she asked if she could sleep in his room tonight, he obliged, although he usually said no. So there they were, in the dark, huddled beneath the covers, holding onto each other like a lifeline, although the girl was still confused as to why. They had stayed home alone before, so why was this any different? All she knew was that something was wrong. Very wrong. How did she know? Because she felt her brother's tears, silent and hot, on her skin.

~^~

It was hours before her mother came home. As soon as the little girl heard the unmistakable sound of a car, she ran to the door. Her brother followed, though more slowly, almost as though he was scared of the answer for their mother's disappearance. The little girl didn't understand the reason for his wariness. She was sure there was a good reason why her mommy was gone for so long. Maybe daddy was with her? Now that the little girl thought of it, he hadn't come home either. As she ripped open the door, she saw her mommy talking to the police officer. She ran over to hug her, but stopped when she saw her mother's red and blotchy face, streaked with tears.

"Mommy? What's wrong?" The little girl said, looking at her with confusion. "Where's daddy?"

She felt a hand on either shoulder, and she looked back to see her brother standing behind her. "Yeah, mom," he said, his voice soft and scared. "Where is he?"

Her mommy looked at them both, her face full of despair.

"You're," she started, her voice shaking. She breathed for a second before speaking again. "You're father's gone." She broke into tears.

The little girl didn't understand. Gone? Like on a vacation? But based on her mother's tears, and her brother's sudden, tight grip on her shoulders, she didn't think so. She knew what gone meant.

"How?" Her brother asked, his voice shaking. "Was it like a car crash, or..."

"He committed suicide." Her mother interrupted, her face helpless.

"That selfish-" her brother muttered curses under his breath.

"He wasn't selfish, honey." Her mommy said, her voice pleading. "He's been depressed for awhile now, and-"

"HE IS SELFISH!" The little girl's brother suddenly screamed. "He decided we weren't enough, and he left us here to deal with that knowledge! Left her here," he pointed at her angrily. "To deal with it, when she doesn't even understand! Why would he do that to us? Why?"

His voice cracked, and he collapsed, pulling the little girl with him into an embrace. Her mother, now sobbing, joined them, and they huddled there, on the cold concrete, trying to pick up their shattered world. The little girl sat there, between her mother and brother, crying although she didn't entirely understand what had happened. All she knew was that her daddy was gone.

And nothing would ever be the same.