What's The Worst That I Could Say?

Chapter 7- Out of proportion

Anger flared inside of me as Gerard's smirk grew bigger, and bigger. I wanted to smack it off of his face and just like, you know, hit him across the head with a chair too. But I didn't; Donna wouldn't have been impressed by her furniture being used for weaponry.

"You heard." Gerard sneered.

I gritted my teeth, and let out a shaky, pissed off sigh. "I did, yeah, and let me tell you that once again Gerard, you've taken something, twisted it, and blown it out of proportion. Congrats." I laughed, shaking my head. I turned to the rest of the guys. "Yes, a few hours after I was discharged from hospital I tried to hang myself. Mom found me just as I was wrapping the DS cable around my neck and stopped me. I didn't throw a tantrum at all, I actually cried in her arms and kept telling her I was sorry. She couldn't stand to see me like this, so she sent me away to Wisconsin to live with my Gran. Whatever grandma did, it worked, because I'm not ramming fucking fingers down my throat or slitting my wrists, look," I explained, shoving the sleeves up my long sleeved shirt and showed them my wrists. "The only scars there were from the first time," I gestured to the jagged, white slightly raised scars across my two wrists. They all stared at them with shock, even Gerard. 

I kept talking. "I never ran away, I never told her I hated her or what ever screwed up thing you think I said to her. Yes, maybe I did really, really upset her, maybe break her heart; but that was from me trying to end my life twice. I didn't run, she sent me to live with her, for my own safety."

"Your own safety?" Ray frowned.

I nodded. "Yeah, I was an actual danger to myself."

Gerard opened his mouth, but then shut it. He did this a few more times before angrily replying to me, a sour look on his face.

"Why the fuck are you even here, Helena?" He asked behind gritted teeth.

"I wanted to make amends with you and mom." I replied softly.

He barked out a cruel, sad laugh. "Amends? You think you can fix this?" He asked skeptically, not letting me answer his question. "You can't, Helena! Did you actually think I wanted you back?"

I thought about it. "You did before..."

"Yeah," He shook his head. "Before, before when I realised that you were an absolute fucking selfish bitch! I saved you Helena, you could be dead right now!"

I nodded. "I know."

"I wish you were dead." He grumbled, folding his arms across his chest. There were a chorus of quiet gasps around the room.

"Gerard!" Mikey shook his head at him.

"No," Gerard shook his head at his little brother. "It's true, she's caused me nothing but fucking pain. I'd feel so much less grief of letting her die, then having her alive."

"I understand-"

"No!" He barked. "You don't! You haven't even fucking apologized for everything!"

"Then give me a chance, Gee." I pleaded softly. He glared at me.

"Don't fucking call me that!"

I sighed. "I don't wanna keep arguing with you, okay? Just calm down, you're upsetting everyone..."

He rolled his eyes. "Oh, fuck off. Everything and everyone was fine until you came back. Why don't you just go back to Wisconsin?" He sneered. He advanced towards me, towering over me as he continued. "Why don't you kill yourself?"

"Dude!" Frank tried to shove him away from me, but Gerard just slammed him into the door frame. He continued to glare down at me.

"Well?" He asked. I felt his warm breath and burning glare on me...

I swallowed. "No," I replied simply. "I don't want to."

He raised his eyebrow and chuckled, shaking his head. "Oh? So, you're fucking afraid?"

I smiled slightly. "Nope, not afraid. I've never really been afraid of death, I was so close to it, remember? Ha, no...the reason why, Gee," I sneered his nickname. "Is because I'm not leaving you without putting up a fight to make things right. Now you can be a stubborn ass as much as you want, I don't really care." I began, my voice smooth and intimidating as possible. "But I do care when you shove my friends into fucking door frames." I muttered, shoving him backwards. He stumbled back, a shocked look on his face as I continued.

"If you're gonna pick on somebody, pick on me. I'd honestly like to see you try and hurt me, Batman." I flashed him a dark smile. "Well," I beamed at the rest of them, dropping the argument. "I'm fucking starving, guys. Thought we were ordering in pizza?"  

"Yeah" Mikey nodded slowly. "We are. C'mon, guys, the usual?" There were grunts from around the room, except Gerard, who stormed out of the kitchen into another part of the house. I turned to Bob and Ray.

"Look, I don't care what he's said, I just want us to be friends again. I'm telling you the honest truth, things weren't how he'd put them out to be. Hell, how would he know? He wasn't even there the other time...but anyway, are we okay?" I asked them.

Bob shrugged. "Sure, I didn't really believe him anyway."

"I did," Ray admitted. "Sorry, it was wrong of me to take his side...of course we're okay." He smiled. I grinned as I followed them through the living room. Mikey was on the phone, ordering the pizza as the guys flopped down onto the couch. I raised my eyebrows at them.

"Uh, what happened to ladies first?"

"Ah," Frank sighed. "But over in our world, it's gentlemen just before!"

I laughed. "Gentlemen? Please, none of you are remotely close to gentlemen. Now move over a bit, or I swear to God, I will sit on you." I smirked. I wedged myself between Frank and Ray, leaning back into the cosy pillows as Bob turned the television on. 

"What do'ya wanna watch?" Frank asked me as Bob flicked through the channels. I saw Doctor Who flash up, and I yelled at Bob to stop flicking through the channels.

"Ooooooh! Doctor Who!" I grinned. Ray raised an eyebrow at me.

"Uh, isn't that for like, English nerdy kids?" He asked. I giggled.

"Nope," I beamed, popping the 'p'. "For American nerdy kids too. C'mon, it's a good episode, too! It's got Donna in it- it's Partners in Crime!" I pleaded. Bob switched it over, and I giggled as the scene with the Doctor and Donna miming to each other from the door and the window.