Unattainable

Chapter 7: Numb

My body immediately went numb. Everything I was thinking, left my brain. I calmly went into the living room acting as though nothing was wrong. No one questioned my behavior, they just thought it was a normal night. I kept thinking about what he said. Had he led me on this whole time?

I went to bed and just laid there for a while thinking about what had just happened. Surprisingly, I didn't cry that much. I guess it just hasn't sunk in yet. I woke up the next morning exhausted. I didn't sleep very well. At least it was the last day of exams and I only had one to take. As I walk into school, I'm not thinking about the science exam I'm about to take. Instead I was thinking about Brandon. I wasn't mad at him for breaking up with me, I didn't want to be led on, I'm mad about how he handled it. Through text? Really? That is the absolute worst text to receive. And then the feeling that you're not important enough for him to tell you in person.

My exam was a blur. I don't remember any of it. I finish and go to find Tiffany. Since it was the last exam, everyone was leaving. I was going to walk to Tiffany's house and get picked up there. We were going to my Grandma's house after I got home, so we needed to leave as quickly as possible.

Tiffany and I walk to the student center so I can call my dad to figure out what in doing. As he is telling me to meet him on the street outside the school, I see Brandon walking toward me.

"Hey," he said as he walked past.

"Hey," I was able to respond. As soon as he was gone, I could feel my throat closing up and tears pricked my eyes. Luckily my dad had already hung up.

"Look there's your boyfriend," Tiffany said mockingly, not knowing what had happened.

"Yeah," I replied quickly so she couldn't see how upset I was. "Let's go. My dad is waiting for me now."

"Well I'm going to stay here and talk to people," she told me.

"Okay, see you later then," I responded trying to hold back my tears. I started to walk out of the student center when I felt a tap on my shoulder.

"Hey Amber!" April said as I turned around. When I first walked into the student center, I saw her talking to Brandon and giving him a hug, so I had no clue what she was going to say. "I texted you last night," she said. "Why didn't you text me back?"

"Oh," I replied. "I had kinda a rough night." April gave me a questioning look. "Brandon," I started. "Brandon broke up with me last night." As I finally said it out loud, I couldn't hold it back anymore. A few tears dropped from my eyes.

"Oh I'm so sorry Amber," April responded, giving me a hug. I couldn't respond, so I just hugged her back and smiled in thanks. She then left to go back to the student center.

I started walking toward the exit, trying not to cry. I didn't want friends to see me. I didn't want to explain. As I walked outside, I let some tears fall, letting the cold air and wind dry them.

I see my dads truck sitting in the traffic. I start walking over, wiping my eyes to remove the last but of evidence. I get in the car and my dad doesn't notice that anything is wrong.

I open my texts and see Brandon's text at the top of my inbox. I scroll past it quickly and open Sarah's text from yesterday. I begin to type a reply.

Me: So... You heard?

I got home before she could reply. My mom is running around, trying to get everything together. I go into my room and get everything my mom still needed from me. She comes in to get them and I ask her is I can wear my sweats since we will be in the car for six hours.

"Sure," she responds. She starts to walk out, but turns around and comes back in. "What's wrong?" she asked me.

"Nothing," I reply quickly hoping that I don't look too upset. She leaves, still looking skeptical. As she left, Sarah texted me back.

Sarah: Yeah I did :( are you ok?

Me: not really

I send the message as we get in the car to leave. I sit in the car with my earbuds in. I prop my pillow against the window next to me. My hair was down that day, so I turned my head and let my hair fall over my face so you couldn't see it. As we continued driving, I let a few tears escape my eyes. A few turned into many, and soon I was crying, silently of course.

My phone vibrated and I saw a text from Sarah.

Sarah: I am sorry. Brandon texted Anthony and I with a copy of the text so that's why I texted you right away.

Me: oh, well I'm sitting here crying my eyes out, but silently because I don't want anyone to know.

Sarah: why?

Me: cause I know I won't be able to tell them without crying. Then my dad and brother will make fun of me or crying about it...

Sarah: aww I'm sorry *gives you ice cream*

Me: why did you give me ice cream?

Sarah: well people eat ice cream when they are upset right?

Me: very true :)

By now, we were about halfway to my Grandma's house. I didn't realize how far we were. Sarah was making me laugh and smile, for which I was grateful.

Sarah: uh oh... Brandon is just now realizing what he did.

Me; really?

The text from Sarah made my hopeful. Maybe he would realize he made a huge mistake and take me back. My phone then vibrated.

Sarah: yeah... He doesn't know what to do.

That text made me more hopeful than I already was. By now, we were at my Grandma's first house, about three hours from my house. We stopped for about an hour to stretch and take a break. My dad and grandpa drove our car while my mom, brother and I drove in my Grandma's car with her. As we left, I though about texting Brandon. I wanted him to know that I would take him back if he asked, without making it too obvious. I decided to just go for it and text him.

Me: hey

He texted back right away.

Brandon: hey... You're a forgiving person... With what just happened.

Me: we'll I'm still kinda upset... But I still want to talk to you.

He never texted me back. I checked my phone all throughout the drive, and I never got any messages.

I kept texting him throughout the weekend, but he only responded with one word answers, if he responded at all.

Sunday night on the drive home, I mentally prepare myself for Monday knowing that I would see him that morning. I go to bed, scared for the next day.