Junior year came and went. It was uneventful for Joseph and I. Although I talked to him almost every week about starting a relationship together, but he always turned me down by giving some excuse. I was really excited for my senior year of high school. I was finally about to leave this place and go to college. I just had one more year to get through.
Surprisingly, Joseph asked me to homecoming! It was a proper date too! He bought the ticket, got me a corsage, and we even went to dinner at a friends house beforehand. It was really nice before the dance, before we got to the school. However, once we got to the school, he began ignoring me; he was too busy hanging out with other friends. I know he didn't have to be with me the whole time, but there was one point where I couldn't find him for about thirty minutes. I just wanted to get to the after party so I could talk to him alone. The dance finally ended and we head to my car to drive to the bonfire our friends were having after the dance.
We start to drive over and I couldn't keep myself from talking.
"So, what are we?" I ask him while keeping my eyes on the road.
"What do you mean?" he asks me.
"Well," I begin. "Are we together now or something?" I respond. I was scared to see how he would respond. He had said 'not yet' for two years. I really wanted him to say yes this time.
"Well, I'm not sure I have time for a relationship right now," he said. "I'm just so focused on college right now and I don't want to get into a relationship with you and not have time for you."
"Oh," I said.
"We will always be good friends though," he said. I paused. He said it; 'we will always be friends'. That is the worst thing you could ever hear. I was just put into the friendzone after two years. I felt my eyes begin to tear up, but I held them in. I couldn't let him see me cry. The rest of our drive continued in silence and it seemed like it took forever to get to our friends house, but we finally got there and I couldn't get out of the car fast enough.
After staying there for about an hour, I had to leave to get home before my curfew. Joseph came with me to me car to say goodbye (his dad was coming to pick him up later). We hugged and said goodbye. I drove home and went to bed almost instantly, exhausted from the night. The next day, my family went to the movies. I however couldn't go because I had homework I had to do before Monday. I begin my math homework (which is all online) and start to get frustrated. I couldn't remember when we had learned this and I couldn't find an example in my notes.
"I JUST CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!" I screamed, throwing my notebook on the floor and breaking down. "I just can't." I was sitting on my couch, so I leaned over until I was laying down. I stayed that was for a while, just crying. I knew I had to decide whether I was going to wait for Joseph or not. The breakdown I had proved it.
Over the next week, I talked to many of my friends. I mainly talked with April, as she had gone through something similar about a year before. It took me two weeks to finally come up with a decision. I had talked with Joseph about it a little as well. He said for me to decide and whatever I decided he would accept.
Two weeks after homecoming, I messaged Joseph.
Me: So I made a decision about what I want to do
Joseph: What
Me: Well I was actually wondering if I could tell you in person because that's just how I want to tell you.
Joseph: There's a chance I might not be in school tomorrow.
Me: Ok... Well
Me: Sorry I accidentally hit send (I was on mobile)
Me: But if you are at school tomorrow can we talk sometime? And if you aren't then I will talk ot you tomorrow just not in person.
Joseph: Just tell me now
Me: Ok... Well after thinking about it for a while and talking to some people about it, I have decided that its best if I let go and pretty much move on. I'm sorry if I caused you any trouble with anything, and if I hurt you in some way. I still want to be friends, but I hope you can understand that I can't do that right now. I need some time. I just... I hope you understand.
I sat there with my finger over the send button for five minutes, no joke. I just looked at the beginning of the end. I finally hit send and let out a breath. I close my eyes and shut my brain off. I come back when I hear my iPod ding with a new message.
Joseph: Yes I do. And I respect it.
Me: Ok. So... I guess this is goodbye for now then.
Me: Thanks for understanding.
That was the last I ever directly talked to him. It's been six months and I haven't spoken to him since. I'm over him, but we haven't talked. He even blocked me on Facebook. I had unfriended him to move on faster and recently I went to friend him and it was blocked. After I let go and slowly moved on, I think I began to find myself. I definitely changed since everything and I feel more myself than I ever had before. So, while it did hurt me, I guess it was good that I moved on. I have learned more about myself in these past six months than I have in my entire eighteen years. I have moved on and I'm finally completely happy. I just wish I realized everything sooner. Maybe I could have realized that I wasn't happy and changed everything sooner. But that's in the past and I can't change that. (Yes I know I kinda quoted Lion King) Finally being happy with yourself is an amazing feeling, and even though he hurt me, I'm glad Joseph helped me get to this point.
YOU ARE READING
Unattainable
Teen Fiction"I promise that my high school years will be drama-free." The pledge that friends make before high school. Little did Amber and her friends know that their high school years would be anything but drama-free...
