Love Me, I Dare You

Chapter 14 - Olivia

When I woke up, sweating and shivering.

My heart was beating hard against my chest. My breathing was ragged— as soon as my eyes opened, a rush of fear shook my body.

Red. All I saw was red as I looked down at my hands. They were tainted blood, thick and—

I shake my head. Close my eyes tightly, so tightly that it hurt my eyelids. One. Two. Three. I'm okay. One. Two. Three.

I sat up in my bed when I felt the vile rising up my throat. I needed to breathe. I was okay. It was just a bad dream. Bad dream. I breathed in and out— and I felt a hand moving up my leg. My entire body tensed.

"What's wrong?" Lucia asked, her eyes were struggling with sleep, her voice raspy.

"I'm okay, Lu," I looked away from her, trying my hardest to force my body to relax. "I just— I feel a little bit sick."

Lucia sat up next to me, she moved her hand away to rub her eyes and my skin suddenly felt cold, lonely. My body felt shaky, cold and in need of something, in need of—

"Can you look at me, Olivia?" She asked me, her voice tender, as soft and tender as her hand on my chin trying to get me to look at her.

I wanted to but I was sure if I did she'd see it in my face. So I shook my head instead, my throat closing tight.

Lucia held my hand tighter and without hesitation, she sat on my lap. The sudden movement left me speechless as her eyes met mine and recognition washed through her. I looked down at our joint hands, shame and embarrassment forcing me to look away. But Lucia sighed, she placed a soft kiss on my forehead and she—

She hugged me.

She hugged me so tightly that I felt that hug in every single corner of my body. In my soul. In my everything. And for a second, I felt so much panic... panic that she understood what I needed without me having to ask or say a word. I felt panic and fear that it seemed so fucking easy for her to read me.

"I have them too," she said, my face was pressed against her chest, her heart beating against my ear. Her hands brushed my hair softly. "You're okay, I'm right here."

I always thought it was stupid, words of affirmation like those, I thought they were stupid and useless. Yes, I know you're here, but no, I'm not okay. However, when it was Lucia saying them, when she brushed my hair softly, when she hugged me tightly, when she was making this little bubble around us, keeping me safe— a part of me believed her. A part of me wanted to cut my chest open and tell her everything that I kept inside, everything that was dirty and foul, everything that kept me from... from everything that I wanted and I was too afraid to admit.

"There were times," she said, her voice barely above a whisper, as if whatever she was about to tell me was meant to be a secret, something for me and only me. "When I'd wake up— the whole house would be silent, for a few seconds, there was nothing but my heart beating loud in my ears and the heavy feeling from my nightmares, and I'd feel so alone. But then, I'd hear it... a murmur. It was... you. You going over whatever you were studying that day, debating out loud with yourself, going over your notes, at times you even laughed, you'd— for a very long time, I fell asleep to your voice. I know how creepy that sounds but— I felt not as alone hearing you going on and on for hours— it was my little secret, that you made me feel calm and at ease during the worst moment of my life..."