The Bright Side

10

When I say love.. It's not just a word,
it's a feeling you get..
It's that feeling you get when all falls in place..
It's a sensation you can't deny that makes one want to say,
thank you to the world..
Some feel it when they're in Nature;
some feel it when they're around children..
Some feel it when they kiss their beloved ones..
Some when they create something..while singing..
dancing..just listening to music..
Special ones feel it when they contribute to others happiness..
Greater than those feel it all the time..
They are the enlightened ones..
They become the meaning of love..

-Last Hope for Redemption

I just wanted to share this with you :') It's amazing right?

Enjoy!
****
Ever since I knew about my sickness, I locked myself in my room. I shut everyone and everything. It's been a few days and no I'm not feeling weak anymore, I feel numb.

What did I do to deserve this? I swear I'm not thinking about myself. It's about my mother and Sam.. They are always depressed about my situation and I feel sorry for them.. They didn't deserve to have this, me ruining everything.. My mother cries everyday and so does Sam.

Ray calls me everyday and I didn't tell her yet. Sam wanted to but I refused.. But now, she needs to know because I need someone to hear me and make me feel okay.

I call her and tell her everything, she is just crying and I'm trying to make her calm down.. It's really funny that I'm the one telling them that everything will be okay.

Today I should go to the hospital. They are going to tell me when I start that fucked chemotherapy. In the past, I was always curious to know about it, look at me now trying it.. Ha..

I unlock the door to eat something and to see my mom. I should be stronger, I'm still taking baby steps in this cancer so I shouldn't complain. The beginning of the road might me hard but at the end I'll be happy right?

"Honey how are you feeling?" My mother asks me and I shrug.

"Mom I'm not even having any pain.. Please don't let this thing ruin everything, when I feel sick I'll tell you. Promise." I give her an assuring smile and she returns it. I don't want them to feel like this.. As if feeling sorry for me and I'm not even complaining.

"Where's Sam?" I ask when I realise he's not here.

He is really the perfect guy, he stayed with me no matter what and when I locked myself he just respected and understood my decision.

"He said he has something to do. Maybe he'll meet us at the hospital." She says and I nod.

I smell the pasta that used to drive me crazy.. But now, I feel like I'm going to throw up. I'm losing my appetite and this is not good. I'm the kind of girl that puts food in her list of priorities. Nuh-uh this won't happen, I'm going to eat pasta and that chocolate lava cake. Or...not.

Huh, look at the bright side I'm complaining about food, not cancer. I'm trying to make a point here. Okay enough Amelia..I need to be serious now.

"Mother?" I push my thoughts away and wait my mother to give me her attention.

"Yes?"

"Um.. Is that chemo going to hurt? I mean, how will I feel when they apply it on me?" I ask her nervously and her face falls.

"Don't think about this now Amy." She says and I sigh.

"I'm not a child. I need to know.." I complain.

"Yes it is going to hurt." She says and I shrug. She looks hurt and I feel like I caused this.

I have to ask her about my dad. Does he know?