CHSM

This Is Just a Rant

I want to write it here.

In the past, having tuberculosis was in fact a trend because back then novelists claimed it's a beautiful way to die─you have a chance to finish your business on earth before your final breath. While it sounds quite clische, this is NOT true, but soceity accepted it anyway and there you have thousands of people dead (the same goes to a trend when college students used to eat goldfishes whole; look it up).

Foolish misunderstanding has been a fundamental thing, not just today, but from centuries ago. I'm not even sure why they do that; maybe for the attention? Maybe for that satisfying sensation that you're part of this twisted group, that you're the same as others and actually belong?

I think same goes to the people today. Now they think depression and bullying and self-harm as something... normal, and while it's ironically true, no one ever said that's good!

Anorexia isn't a petite girl shyly denies a cupcake; it's pale skin and restless eyes not remembering when was the last time you've eaten. Anxiety isn't burying your face to a lover's chest while they tell you it's okay and that they're here for you; it's your heart beating like crazy, or feeling your head would explode any second while you're sweating buckets and shaking uncontrollably. Self-harm isn't a dreamy soulmate kissing your arms telling you they'll love you anyway; it's blood all over your clothes, wearing long sleeves even in hot days, nasty cuts that stays forever, and showers that stings. Depression isn't a supermodel with mascara running down her face; it's red puffy eyes staring to the ceiling at 3 AM because you can't find motivation to even simply close them. Bullying isn't standing behind a hero who's saving you from a bitch; it's muffled cries while a group of heartless monsters beat the hell out of you. Being a psychopath isn't smirking sexily, looking ironically beautiful while brushing off people who aren't worthy enough; it's not being able to name your feelings and end up bottling them until you can take no more, pushing people away so that nobody can notice.

I'm a writer, so I know how conflicts affects a story. But this is not an excuse to sugar-coat painful imperfections. Having a disorder won't make you any more attractive. It won't make anyone run for your rescue and give you happy endings. Yes, it would give you satisfaction, but honey it's only temporary. After that you'll have to keep your act as a victim, fail at everything, be the weakest, endure all the mockery people give to the dysfunctional people, and for the most part a lot of people wouldn't even bother because IT'S ALWAYS JUST AN ACT ANYWAY. It's becoming a mask and you'll have to wear it your whole life and carry the guilt that you're lying to apparently everyone.

You'll see that you're breaking those people who thought you were in real danger. They could've saved someone who's actually in need, and yet you crushed their trust and they'd never look at people with that particular problems like they always were. You'll also see that most people don't even care.

You need help. But not for those disorders you're pretending to have. You're putting yourself in a battle you'll never escape and never win. EVER.

I know, I'm just a kid. I haven't seen everything of the world─maybe not even a glimpse of what's really happening right now. While thinking about this problem almost everyday doesn't directly solve the problem, the very least I can do is to find some sort of realization.

So please drop the act. Some people are actually suffering these disorder and in need for treatments─a treatment you're subconsciously blocking. Stop idolizing suffering otherwise they won't feel normal like they should be!

... I think I'm done. Thank you for reading─not that anyone would, right?