sabian 2: the phoenix (IX)

June 2nd, 2016 1:00 AM

I am walking across the beach into the water. oh, its so cold.
my skin takes in the salt & seashells.
i get out of the water to stand on the dry sand and think
i have the keys in my hand
i can leave and create a new me and thats what I did
except I didn't drive
i put on my hoodie and walked
across the Corpus Christi Bridge and into the downtown area
i was in North Beach
It took me a couple hours but I made it
it is now 4:30 AM and I can see the sun over the horizon
I believe I see it
I see the heavens
I can take the next leap
to the hundreds of feet
down in to the deep waters where my body will float away somewhere
it is clear that I'll be another memory
another reason for people to change
everyone moves on from me
so quickly
i am another guy to another eye
every single time
why must the gods push me to believe that I cannot love?
I do not blame my ex lovers for i still love them all close
but i blame myself
i become too perfect
i do not know what it means
being raised on movies and novels
saying the ideal mate 
is the one who treats the ones with the best
as i try to do
i've loved the moon and i've loved the sun
i danced with the devil
and i kissed the angel with the sky
never have i once been the one
the one the devil keeps at their side
the one the angel let into its wings
the one who gave the moon a reason to come every night
the reason the sun shines every morning
no
i am the one who bleeds when he sees his past love happy
but why do i bleed?
not out of pain or anger
but out of fear
that i will never have the enchantment of loving so much
so young
so elegant
i have 2 friends
eternally enhanced by the idea of each other
I have adapted to naming the couple
Queen and Love
both sincerely love each other
i love them both dearly
but i must admit
jealousy has struck me
but not for either of them
for what they have
for the strength and determination to love each other
I always want it
but for now I remain
alone
but my heart is burning
for the longest time
many have been throwing more and more fuel to burn
as the fire spreads
alone and burned
i rise from the ashes of the broken self 
i once knew
for i am no longer broken
for i am eternally burning
for am i forever
the phoenix.