I stared at Louis as he took the whip from a servant. The same servant I had threatened this morning at breakfast. He was no longer smirking, instead his eyes held pity.
Thirty lashes. That was my fate. I've never been punished before. Not once in my eight years here have I ever stepped out of line. Now though, I'd done the unspeakable. Part of me wished that Louis wouldn't have the nerve to hurt me, but I knew that was unrealistic.
He couldn't let me get away with this in front of the nation's nobility. He couldn't appear weak. He would become king soon and he needed the respect and fear of his people. Zayn was right. Running away the night of a ball was a foolish decision.
I heard a clank next to me and suddenly someone was picking me up to lay me across a stool. My heart speed in my chest, fear consumed me, and I let out a strangled cry.
"Please Louis!" I yelled to him and the hall went silent again.
Tears flooded my eyes and poured down my cheeks.
"I didn't mean it! Please don't do this! I love you Louis! I never meant to hurt you!" I screamed to him.
I could make out his blurred figure through the tears as Louis walked closer to me. He grabbed my cheeks and made me look into his eyes.
"You should not have ran, Hazza." He whispered to me and I could hear the tears in his voice as well, "Silence yourself and take the lashings you deserve."
I was thrown on the stool then and my shirt was ripped open, leaving my back naked and vulnerable. More tears poured down my face and sobs shook my body. I was strapped down tightly and finally the servant stepped away.
My sobs were all I heard until the sound of the whip echoed through the hall. A test crack. I would be the first to receive Louis' punishment.
"No! Please Louis!!! Please No!!!" I screamed, pulling at the binding.
Without any warning the whip slashed into my back. I threw my head back and screamed in pain. It was much worse than I'd ever imagined. Only one lash held more pain than I'd ever experienced, even back in my days as a house slave, I was never punished so harshly.
"SILENCE!!!" I could still hear the tears in his voice.
The second lash struck my back and I screamed out again. The third hurt worse, and fourth even worse than that. I counted each and every strike, praying that thirty would get there soon. My back felt like it was on fire.
By the twentieth lash I lost all my energy to sob and scream. I could only whimper as the last ten strikes crossed my wounded back.
I counted the last crack of the whip and let myself crumple only to be met with another slash. I felt a small piece of me snap as the whip then cracked again, for the thirty-second time on my abused skin. I practically felt myself break into pieces as the whip came down yet again. I couldn't hold on any longer, so I let myself drift off into unconsciousness.
When I woke again, I felt a cold rag being dabbed on my back. I hissed in pain as it landed on raw flesh.
"Shhhh, I have to clean you up. You'll get an infection." A girl whispered from behind me.
It was the maid I'd sat with today at breakfast, Gemma.
"You're in Crown Prince Louis' room. I don't think they're sending a physician up so I came to help." She explained.
Sure enough, I was in Louis' room. I felt the soft mattress underneath me, felt the warm fire, and smelled the distinct scent of Louis. I wanted to cry again, but couldn't find the energy. It was hard enough just keeping my eyes open.
I'd just barely closed my eyes when the door slammed open and a growl sounded in the room.
"Get out maid."
It was Louis. He was here to punish me further. How many cracks of his whip did my back endure after I'd passed out? How long did he continue my punishment? I didn't want to see his face again. I only wished that he would kill me so I could be done with the pain he was still inflicting upon me.
Gemma scurried from the room and Louis slammed the door shut. He approached me and knelt so we were face to face.
"Why did you run from me?" for once his anger didn't scare me, I felt no remorse for what I'd done to cause it.
The secret was out. Louis had no feelings for me. I was like a toy to him, that's all. He used me for whatever was needed. If that was how he saw it then fine, I'd return the gesture.
I attempted to turn my head but he grabbed it.
"Answer me." He yelled.
"I want to leave." I croaked out, my voice was scratchy and my throat hurt.
"Why?! What have I ever done to hurt you?!" He asked, the anger was dissipating from his voice.
"I don't want to wait for you to throw me away." I said with as much anger as I could muster.
"I'm not throwing you away! I've never told you you'd be thrown away. I promised to keep you here with me in the palace!" Louis shrieked.
"I don't want to be your slave anymore."
"You are not a slave!"
"I was sold to your father and given to you as a gift. I am a slave. I don't care if you refuse to acknowledge it, it is still the truth."
He slapped my cheek then. I hissed at the new pain.
"Do not contradict me." He commanded and I closed my eyes, feeling tears slipping from them.
"As you wish."
I heard him take a deep breath and slowly let it out.
"I was going to free you tonight."
At this I snapped my eyes open to see his were now closed. He was pinching the bridge of his nose as if trying to concentrate.
"That's why father let you sit at the table. That's why I dressed you like a free man. I was going to declare your freedom as my first act of adulthood. Now that first act was to butcher you."
"If you were setting me free then why did you send a party after me?"
"Because you weren't supposed to leave! I was going to set you free and you were supposed to stay in the palace with me. I didn't think you liked to be away from me. I never thought you would run away."
His clear blue eyes opened and stared into mine. He didn't make any sense. The point of freedom is being free to do as you please.
"So you won't free me now." I stated.
"No. I can't trust you to stay here."
"I'll just be sent away when you marry. I'll be gone then."
"You'll still be in the palace."
"So that's it then? I'm to stay here forever?"
"Isn't that what you've always wanted? What have I done to make you so angry, Hazza?" he softly caressed the cheek he'd just slapped.
I pulled away from his touch. This only enraged him again.
"You are still my playmate and you will act like it!" he said grabbing my chin, "Do not think any of the things expected of you have changed!"
I closed my eyes again as I let him caress my face. Tears streamed from my eyes and I let him wipe them away. For the first time, I felt disgusted by his touch. It took me a few moments but I was finally able to whisper, voice cracking,
"As you wish."
