I woke still lying on the floor next to the chamber pot. I had no idea what the time was. I didn't care either. The stabbing pain in my gut had not gone away as I slept, it had only gotten worse.
Tears were still streaming down my face as I stood from the floor and stumbled over to my bed. I closed my eyes, searching for sleep, but only pictures of Louis ran through my mind.
The sobbing started all over again. I clutched my stomach as I gasped for breath. Everything was burning with thoughts of Louis and how I'd never be good enough for him.
I'm a slave. Not even my own parents wanted me as a baby, so how can I expect the King of England to want me around? He deserves someone great. Someone he can proudly display before the world. Someone who can give him an heir. Someone like Eleanor. He deserves Eleanor.
More sobs spilled from me and I began feeling sick. I felt myself convulsing as I sobbed harder. How could I live now? God had obviously chosen to make me suffer through life, judging by the fact that I actually woke up. I wanted nothing more than to just lie on this bed and die.
And that's what I attempted to do for the next three days. I only left my bed to walk over to the chamber pot. It was emitting a sickening smell but I ignored it, not caring enough. I didn't go to meals, I didn't do anything but sob until sleep took me into a restless slumber filled with dreams of Louis. When I woke I just sobbed more. I felt so weak with hunger but my stomach felt queasy and I was sure if I ate anything it would come right back up.
I'd lost a will to go on. Louis was the reason I lived. He was my boy. He plucked me out of that wire cage and gave me a life I'd only been able to dream of. Now he was gone. Gone forever, in the worst way possible. Physically, he was right there. He'd probably walked by this very room dozens of times the past few days, but I couldn't have him. It was like setting a feast before a starving man and refusing to let him eat.
The thought of food made my weak stomach turn. I wrapped my arms tightly around it and curled into a ball. I felt more tears. I was so weak. I was worthless. He didn't want me.
A knock on the door sounded and I made no motion to answer it. Hopefully they'd just go away.
"Harry, it's Gemma." I heard her timid voice sound through the room.
I still said nothing. I heard her voice again.
"His Majesty sent me," my heart lifted instantly, maybe he wanted me after all, "He gave me your new job assignment."
My heart fell just as hard and as fast as it had lifted. He was officially letting go of his old playmate. I whimpered slightly at the thought of working so close to him in the palace.
"Harry, please let me in." she begged from the other side of the door.
It was no secret that the maids in this palace knew and heard everything. There was no doubt in my mind that every servant knew exactly what state I was in.
"Go away." I croaked out, voice barely above a whisper.
The voice sounded nothing like mine. It was the first words I'd spoken in three days and it sounded awful. My throat was dry and rough from the constant dry heaving.
If she heard my sad attempt at speech she didn't heed it.
"He wants you to be a server, Harry. He made a spot for you to be a meal server." Gemma continued to try, "Really it's one of the easiest jobs in the palace."
But it also meant seeing Louis. Every. Single. Day. I couldn't handle that. Especially not when he marries Eleanor and I have to serve her food too. I cried harder at the mere thought.
