By lunch time I was no longer speaking to Louis other than one word responses. I had to give him my body, but that was it. He'd managed to take my heart in the past eight years and I needed to get it back.
Niall delivered lunch to us and still didn't even look at me. Not even a glance in my direction. I was becoming worried. What threat was being held over him? He didn't mutter under his breath the way he usually does when interacting with Louis and his free spirited demeanor was completely gone.
Louis dismissed him quickly and began eating. He hadn't eaten breakfast and apparently it was taking a toll on him. After a few bites though, he lowered the fork to my lips. I took it without a fight. We ate in silence, and I could help but realize that this was the first time he'd ever taken care of me. Usually I was the one taking care of him when he didn't feel well. I was told to stay away from him if I was ill, as to not infect the prince.
When we had eaten that entire plate and half of another, Louis attempted to make conversation again.
"I would never whip you if I didn't have to Hazza." He whispered.
If the room hadn't been silent I wouldn't have heard it. He sounded regretful this time but there was still no apology. I thought bitterly in my mind that if he ever admitted defeat and apologized I'd forgive him everything. It wouldn't happen though. He does not admit that he is in the wrong. He's been taught not to.
I stayed silent again and again he became angry.
"What do you want from me? What's done is done. You should not have run. You'd be a free man sitting in the parlor with me as we opened presents and drank tea. But then you wouldn't, would you? You'd be long gone by now had I released you to do so." He spat the last sentences bitterly.
"I'd be halfway to Ireland if you'd just let me go." I mumbled, half hoping he wouldn't hear.
He did though.
"And what awaits you in Ireland?! What would've happened had you escaped England and made it to the fabulous land of gold and leprechauns?! Do you think Niall Horan would've protected you?! Do you think you would've escaped my realm of power? I, the Crown Prince, have been running Ireland for three years past, Haz! I am above the king of Ireland! Had you shown up at the palace doors you would've been beaten, raped, and bludgeoned the entire trip back to me! You're lucky you were caught last night. You didn't have a long trip back with a bounty hunter. Kitchen Boy was not so lucky." He spoke to me as he usually speaks to his maids.
So I wouldn't have gotten freedom in Ireland, I would've gotten a worse punishment. I was slightly relieved by this information but also hurt. I had no escape. Ireland was my only plan, and it couldn't give me what I sought.
I turned my head away from him then. I didn't even want to look at him. It felt like he was trapping me. There was no getting away from my fate. I'd live out the rest of my days in the palace, watching my only love grow old and raise a family with a woman.
"You exhaust me today Harry. In all our years, you've never behaved so disappointingly." He sighed.
I felt the bed shift and thought that the same fate awaited me as earlier, but he moved to his chest of drawers and started shuffling about. Minutes later he leaned over the side of the bed and pecked my temple from behind me.
"I'll be back to feed you dinner." Then he left.
As soon as I heard the door clank shut I let a sob go from my throat. Instantly tears flew freely down my cheeks. Everything hurt, my body, my head, my heart. Everything just felt raw and abused.
I sobbed so hard my body shook and I could feel my back start to bleed again. I was still lying, naked, on my stomach, and felt more vulnerable now than when Louis had had his way with me. I felt powerless to control the pure anguish that seemed to be leaking from my body.
I hated myself for what I was doing to him. He was in pain, and I was causing it. What kind of a playmate am I? I can't even make my boy happy. He's disgusted with me now, any chance I had of him returning my feelings was now impossible. I've misbehaved, and if there's one thing Louis can't stand, it's a servant misbehaving.
I cried for hours. I was still crying when Niall delivered dinner. Once again he didn't glance at me, or even acknowledge my existence. He pushed the cart into the room, retrieved the cart from lunch and left. I couldn't stop my tears long enough to call out to him.
Louis entered the bed chamber only minutes after dinner was delivered. At the sight of him my resolve melted away. I couldn't do this. I couldn't be mad at him. He was right, I shouldn't have run. I got what I deserved last night. In truth, I should've been punished further. I called him by his name, not title, in front of all those guests. If I was any other slave I'd have lost my tongue for that.
Louis walked to the bed and laid down next to me. He ran a hand through my curls, a gesture that has always comforted me, and hummed lightly.
He knew how to make me feel better. He was the only person in my life that has ever wanted me to feel better, and I'm hurting him. I disappointed him.
"I-I'm s-s-so s-so-sor-sorry." I choked out.
Louis 'shhhhh-ed' me and continued playing with my hair. When I tried again a sob broke out and I started shaking again.
"I know you're sorry, Hazza. I forgive you." He whispered, pulling me closer.
I cuddled into him, not caring about the pain in my back. I deserved it.
"I d-don't want y-y-you to be upset w-with me." I cried into his chest.
He kissed my curls and gave me a light squeeze.
"I'm not upset with you anymore. I forgive you." He repeated.
I let out a shaky sigh then. He still wanted me around. He wasn't getting rid of me just yet.
"You must be hungry from crying. Let's eat." He said softly but I didn't let go.
Instead I pulled my lips to meet his in the first real kiss we've had since yesterday afternoon. He didn't pull away from me, but took control. His tongue slid past my waiting lips to explore every crevice of my mouth. He put his hand behind my head, pulling us closer. My hands found their way to the bottom of his shirt and pushed up against his defined muscles. I moaned at the feel of them.
That's when Louis pulled away and I had no choice but to remove my hands. He only smirked at me.
"I haven't seen you this eager since our adolescence." He teased and I blushed.
Back when my body began to change and my voice dropped I had craved Louis' touch like I hungered for food. He was always more than obliged to comply with my needs. I believe that was when I really started to fall for him.
"I just want to please you Louis. That's all I've ever wanted." I told him and he smiled.
"You always please me." He responded.
"Let me please you again. I'll make up for my misbehaving." I pleaded with him.
"You're hurt."
"I don't need my back to pleasure you." I reasoned, but he would have none of it.
"You'll hurt yourself for no reason. Sit still and let me feed you. That is what will please me." He told me as he grabbed a plate from the cart.
He helped me sit up for the first time and pulled me to rest on his chest. I feared I'd get blood on him but he paid no mind to it. He sat and feed me, though I was able now to do so myself. We shared a bites of dinner and tender kisses until we'd had our full.
He undressed and curled me into his side for the night then. I was so exhausted I didn't fight the sleep. Right before I drifted off though I felt him kiss my temple and whisper,
"Happy Christmas, Harry."
