It felt like going down a steep hill on my first ever roller coaster ride. Or like drowning in a sea of people, no one even turning as I gasp for air. Maybe even screaming bloody murder but no sound coming out.
And why does no sound come out? Because no one cares. Insignificant was all I appeared to be to some of these people. They would crush me like a bug without a second thought.
I climb the stairs to the bus and make my way to the back. I was about to plop down into my usual seat seventeen, when I realized someone was sitting there.
"Who the fuck are you?"
The person looked up, blinking rapidly. Oh, it was a boy. Charming.
"You're in my seat, swaggot," I stated, taking in his red Hollister shirt and tight black jeans. He didn't appear to be very special, just another clone in a school of imbeciles.
The male stared at me with deep confusion in his carmel colored eyes. "Excuse me?"
"This." I motioned towards the seat. "Is my seat." My hand gripped the side of the bus seat as it began to move.
"Oh, sorry." He smiled gingerly, and moved over so his legs brushed the wall of the bus. In response to my raised brow, he patted the space beside him. "Sit with me."
Sit... with... me...?
His words echoed through my head for a moment, and there was a tight feeling in my stomach for a moment as he met my gaze.
What the hell was that?
I wanted to simply tell the woman to stop the bus. I could walk to school. There was no way I was going to sit with this... freak. But that would be letting him win, and that wasn't going to happen!
So I simply set my bag down on the dusty bus floor and sat, leaving a good four inches between our legs. Keeping my gaze on the seat in front of me, I counted to ten in my head. I liked to avoid the male species, typically. Why? Well, because I'm one of those easy types that blushes whenever I'm even spoken to, typically. Therefore it would only make sense to not be near them altogether, right? Who needs the extra emotions?
Pfft, not me.
I think the hardest part about having feelings at all is when you have to let go of that one person you swore you would never forget.
I sucked in my breath, tracing shapes on the bus seat in front of me with my eyes.
"I'm Alex," the boy beside me blurted rather suddenly. The disappointment in his eyes was clear when I didn't even nod in acknowledgment. He reached out to touch my arm to get my attention, but I promptly jerked it away. "Oh, so you're just going to ignore me for the entire ride?"
I didn't respond.
"Come on... What's your name anyway?"
...
He let out a loud, dramatic sigh. "You know, I can just talk you to death. I have a whole summer full of sexy stories that I could talk about." I must have blushed or something because a smirk snuck onto his lips. "Oh? So you're interested in that, are you?"
I rolled my eyes. The last thing I really wanted to hear about was his "sexy summer." I mean, my own summer had been an epic fail. The best thing I did was go to a two week writing seminar, and even that was pretty lame... Although, I did learn several different types of word fonts. When that would help me, I'm still unsure.
"Well, I'm going to let you in on a secret..." He looked around dramatically and then leaned in to whisper in my ear. I could feel his hot, minty breath on my neck... My heart skipped a beat as his lips neared the sensitive skin just below my ear. "I spent my entire summer watching Doctor Who in my basement." A soft puff of air hit my neck, and it felt like my entire skin was on fire.
"You're an idiot." I forced myself out of my trance and let out a low snicker, unable to help the soft peals of laughter that I released. Here he was, acting like some sort of porn star as he admitted to spending his summer watching a Syfy show in a basement.
"Yeah, but you smiled for the first time since you sat down." He appeared rather proud as he sat before me, grinning madly. Then, glancing at the window, he mumbled, "Sexual activity and awkward humor. I'll keep a note of that."
He really was an idiot... Still, I was pretty sure he wouldn't be leaving me alone for a while. I was about to consider his friendship, but then the bus pulled up at school.
I stood up and shuffled down the aisle, my backpack on my shoulder. I tried not to thinking about who was standing behind me or what would happen when I got to my homeroom. Instead, I thought about how relieving it would be to take a nap and never wake up.
.
After being directed to homeroom and having had our locker combinations and schedules passed out, I headed to first period. Just as I was taking a seat in the back corner of the room, the teacher called, "Don't get comfortable! We're moving seats as soon as everyone arrives!"
Lovely. I slunk down into the chair and moped, staring out the window. God forbid they put me in... the front. Ugh, disgusting. Why couldn't they just let me be? All I wanted was to be invisible.
Slowly, people filed in. I recognized some of them from last year, but others were complete strangers. None of them seemed completely dreadful. I could deal with---
Oh no. Oh no, oh no. Oh. No.
"I think you're in my seat," Ryder Jordan stated, waltzing over to the seat beside me.
"H-huh?" Charlie looked up from his book, surprise written all over his face.
"Up." He motioned with his hand for the other boy to move.
Charlie quickly gathered his books and stumbled out of the seat. He didn't look me in the eye as he scampered over to the other side of the room.
"Hey, James," he greeted me as he casually slid into the chair. Almost as if he hadn't nearly scared the living daylights out of poor Charlie Dawson.
I sucked in my breath, turning my back to him. As much as I tried to focus on the world outside of the bulletproof window, I couldn't help but think about why he chose to sit next to me...He loved to mess with me, but I could never comprehend why. I was just... Jamie.
My mind raced for a few moments before an itchy cough made its way through my throat and I turned to look at Ryder. My hello was a brief nod of the head, followed by crossing my legs. My first instinct had been to call him out on bothering poor Charlie, and then correct him. My name was Jamie, not James. I was a girl, not whatever he assumed me to be.
Still, I didn't bother giving him the attention he truly wanted: my attention.
He's not worth it.
I'd spent two and a half years trying to convince myself of that, but somehow I only seemed to dig my heels in deeper. I was starting to think I was way in over my head... Perhaps it would be simpler if I got my schedule changed. I could go ask the guidance counselor after lunch.
All in all, there was only one thing I was sure of: I wanted nothing to do with Ryder Jordan.
