Broken (MattxMello Yaoi Fanfiction)

Desperation For Love

Matt couldn't get to sleep. He rarely could without Mello. The nightmares - no, night terrors - would scuttle over his blank conciousness like beetles and he'd often wake up, panting loudly. Either that or screaming. Therefore, Matt often didn't even attempt to sleep. If he was tired, he reckoned, he'd doze off naturally. Yet this wasn't helped by the vast amount of nicotine in his system. Speaking of which, he was smoking then, to take his thoughts off those that may destroy him.

Resting his head against the glass pane, Matt scowled as he watched the lightning crash down upon the New York skyline. Thunder accompanied it, booming loudly a few seconds after as though it was attempting to show off by allowing time to itself. Much like Mello when it came to Near. Sure, Near could succeed L, but Mello could blow up a building, not to mention become the leader of the Mafia.

Matt allowed the smoke to unfurl from his lips, disintegrating into the air shortly after. Live fast, die young, Matt thought to himself morbidly. Probably how he would end up if he continued chain smoking which, as an addiction, was extremely hard to give up.

The door suddenly creaked, causing the redhead to spin around, the cigarette balanced delicately between his two dominant fingers on his left hand. There was an art to looking this sophisticated, although Matt seldom bragged. With such airs came an underground foundation of doubt and self-loathing he drowned in many a night.

At the door was Near and Matt almost gasped a little at the sight of him. This seemingly once unemotional, calm teenager was now a sobbing mess, with two small, skeletal hands clutching at a tin robot. If a stranger were to see the two together, they would certainly never have guessed they were a year apart in age. In fact, Near had the appearance - and now persona - of a ten year old at the oldest, whereas Matt could easily be mistaken for being well into his twenties when, in truth, he had only just begun.

"What's the matter, Near?" Concerned, Matt stubbed his cigarette out on the windowsill, giving his full attention to L's successor, who was staring at him helplessly, "Matt... I-I can't sleep..." He took a step further into the room, wearing the same pyjamas he wore during the day. Did they ever get changed? Matt couldn't help but think uncomfortably, "Hey... Neither can I." Matt replied slowly, "Is it... Is it the thunder?" Near nodded miserably. Damn, how could someone like Near be afraid of such a petty thing?

"Right... Well, if you don't mind me asking... Why did you come to me?" Matt had resented losing the cigarette now; he felt he deserved it. If only Mello was here... "Sorry..." Near mumbled, "I guess... You're the only person I can open up to." Matt had a  sudden flashback of when he and Mello were a lot younger... Didn't he say something similar? "I don't know who else to turn to, Matt..."

Near looked a little crest-fallen. Surely Matt wasn't going to turn him away, was he? He couldn't let that happen. As if on cue, a loud clap of thunder echoed across the state and Near took advantage of it, lunging at Matt in what could only be described as a hug. Matt did literally gasp then, having all the air knocked out of him with no warning. Near may have been small, but he had the potential to be strong when he wanted. "N-Near?"

Truth be told, Near didn't want to make the first move, but once Matt experienced it... Maybe this could turn out well... Hopefully. If only he was smart enough to work out how to make Matt forget about Mello, about his relationship with him. He'd be a blank slate then, but his characteristics and personality would remain the same... Right? Nonetheless, that would never happen.

Near breathed in Matt's musty smell that hung on his threadbare jumper. It gave him a sense of hope; even if it was false, it was there undoubtedly. He looked up at the redhead, who was clearly confused, and smiled. He would do it now.

Standing on tiptoes, Near brought Matt's head down to his level and kissed him hard.