Love Letters: Stay With Me

Chapter 1

Three weeks past after they've removed me out of the hospital. The doctor said I'm fine and there's nothing to worry about. He even said that my lost of memory would be just temporary and maybe hindi aabutan ng ilang buwan, it will regain. 

I am stuck in the coldness of the room I'm staying. I've been here since we left the hospital. Tuwing umaga ay binubuksan nila ang bintana para naman daw makita ko ang nasa labas. But what made me realized is that, hindi ko nga maalala ang nasa loob ng bahay na ito, sa labas pa kaya. 

Simula noong umalis kami sa hospital, I've never spoken to anybody. I don't want asking them kung sino sila even though alam naman ko naman na naiintindihan nila ako but it's just that- this is no normal for me. 

"Hi Jess, you're awake." bati ng babaeng nasa hospital. 

I could tell she is now on her middle 40's. But the fact that I'm not recognizing her find me too shy to talk on her.  She told me her name is Amelia and that she's the mother of my husband. 

Husband?

Yeah. You heard it right? Husband. My husband. 

Ano sa tingin mo ang magiging reaksiyon mo pag nalaman mong kasal ka na pala for 5 years sa lalaking hindi mo naalala? Isn't that shit? Husband? so that clearly means, I was fucking him same as fucking me? Naked?

I can't even imagine myself standing naked in front of a guy! God!

"I brought you breakfast." she smiled. 

Saka ko palang nakita ang katiwala sa bahay na araw-araw ay nagbubukas ng bintana sa aking kwarto. Pag pumapasok siya sa kwarto ko, hindi man lang siya kumakatok sa pinto. When I asked her to knock first, nag sorry na lang siya. 

Kasi noon daw, hindi siya kumakatok pag pumapasok siya sa room namin. And that answer made me shut my mouth. Pwede bang magkaroon ako ng orientation sa bahay na ito? Like: What I did and what I didn't do? 

Nilapag ng katiwala ang isang tray ng pagkain sa aking kama and then left me after she gave me smile. Nag-smile na rin ako. 

"Ethan, already left. Maaga siya sa trabaho. When he found out that you're still on your sleep, hindi ka lang niya inistorbo." she said. 

Oh Yeah. My husband's name is Ethan. 

"Saan siya natulog?" tanong ko. 

She is putting food on my plate and then pouring orange juice on an empty glass tapos ay binigay niya sa akin. 

"He slept in the guest room." she answered.  "He sleeps there since you've been out of the hospital." 

Hindi ko masyadong pinahalata ang pagbuntung-hininga ko. Akala ko kasi na kapag tulog na ako sa kailaliman ng gabi ay tumatabi siya sa akin. It's not that I'm not giving him the chance to not sleep with me, but isn't it too early to sleep with me on one bed lalo pa't hindi ko pa siya naaalala?

"Amelia"  I called and then I realized she's my mother-in-law. "I mean, what I usually call you? Mom, mother?" 

"Just Mom." she answered again. "It's okay Jess, you can call me whatever you want." 

Ngumiti ako ng pagak. Nakakaakward pala. 

"Ethan right? What does he do?" I added. 

She sat beside me and watched me eating.  I don't mind someone watching  me eating- at least that's one of those things I wouldn't find awkward. 

"He works in a bakery. You two own a bakeshop in the city." - 

Nagulat ako sa sinabi niya. May bakeshop kami? Really? How cool. 

"But he's a graduate of an architect course and sometimes do the work of such thing." 

I was amazed. 

"And what I do?" - I asked again. 

She glanced at me. "You're the one managing the bakeshop. Actually, before the incident happened, you two are planning to build a second branch of the bakeshop. You love baking pastries. Para sa iyo buhay mo iyon." 

Tumango ako. "And what course I finished?" 

"Hindi ka nakatapos." 

What? Hindi ako nakatapos? Hindi ako naniniwala. Hindi ako nagtapos ng pag-aaral? But para sa akin, that's my goal in life ang makatapos ng pag-aaral. That's the only thing I've been dreaming of.

"You dropped out of school because two of you got married." she explained. "Malapit ka ng magtapos noon, you were taking nursing course but para sa iyo, hindi ka masaya sa pagiging isang nurse. You wanted to bake, to cook and to get married with Ethan that's why you decided on not continuing the last term." 

Hindi ako makapaniwala sa sinasabi ni Amelia. Nagawa ko talaga ang mga bagay na iyon? 

I mean, I am the woman who dreams a lot: To graduate, to build my own hospital, to cure sickness, to go to New York, to be a fashion designer and I could remember saving money to study fashioning in Paris. 

I never dreamed of getting married at early age, achieving no accomplishments. Same as, baking cakes and cupcakes? I couldn't imagine myself doing these things before. 

And to conclude generally:  Was I out of my mind before? Was I too in love of this guy name Ethan? 

"How about my parents?"- 

"They live far away. Malayo sila rito but don't worry they'll be here tomorrow to check you Jessica." she answered. 

I ended the day with questions on my mind.