Yin and Yang | ✔

Chapter Eleven

C H A P T E R E L E V E N

            “Papi, I don't know what to do!” Lila sobbed after having fallen onto her knees in front of Papi's gravestone. Surprisingly, it never felt weird to sit there and just talk to the stone. She felt as if she was talking to Papi, wherever he was. She hoped he was somewhere safe. She always imagined Papi's afterlife as somewhere where he could mine. Papi loved to mine for stones, that was what he always told her. He said it was like an adventure, like being a pirate. Searching for gold.

            “I told Alpha Hart about the incident. He says he already knew, and I was surprised he hadn't pressurised me into talking about it. He did seem surprised by my reaction to it, but then no one really knew me apart from you, Mamaw and Justin.” Lila took a deep breath in, closing her eyes and listening to the rain hit the already muddy grass and her body. After her “talk” with Darren, she'd realised that she needed someone to talk to about the incident. Bottling it up and refusing to talk to anyone made Lila become a hollow shell, scared that people would find out. “You know, when it happened I was disgusted with myself. I refused to talk to people, I became more isolated. I did finish my year there, I managed. No one saw me go into the forest and I always wondered how... how no one could suspect me. Danielle didn't say anything, she had that knowing look.” Fresh tears dribbled down Lila's cheeks. Even though Papi wasn't there, it still felt good to talk to someone, or at least something about it. Papi was silent during her talks anyway, she just missed him giving her advice at the end.

            “I've just moved back, and it's weird. I thought everything would have changed but it hasn't. Justin is still the same idiot as he was. I think the weird things are that you aren't here anymore and I've got some new friends... and a mate. You'd probably be thrilled. You always wanted me to be with someone who was adventurous... someone who could get me out of the house. Logan... Logan probably will. I...” Lila took in a shaky breath. She was going to do this, she was going to finally say out loud everything that had been cooped up inside her head. Otherwise she'd suffocate. “I think I'll get closer to him and get him and Justin to get on better before I break the news to him. You know how Justin is.” Lila sniffled, wiping away tears. She scrunched up her nose when she fall on her backside, realising that now her knees and her butt would be filled with mud.

            Lila just sat there in front of Papi's grave for the rest of the evening. When she realised that the temperature had dropped sharply, she realised she should go back. She'd just recovered from a fever and getting pneumonia wouldn't help her. She stood up and glanced over the grave before starting to recite the poem her and Justin would always say before leaving the cemetery.

            Do not stand at my grave and weep,

            I am not there; I do not sleep.

            I am a thousand winds that blow,

            I am the diamond glints on snow,

            I am the sun on ripened grain,

            I am the gentle autumn rain.

            When you awaken in the morning’s hush,

            I am the swift uplifting rush

            Of quiet birds in circling flight.

            I am the soft starlight at night.

            Do not stand at my grave and cry,

            I am not there; I did not die.” Lila smiled before walking off, wishing she'd taken an umbrella because she was going to be soaked by the time she got home.