Tainted Heart - A Jai Brooks Fanfiction

Chapter 4

----------------LEAH'S POV---------------

When I woke up the next morning the sun was only starting to rise and I was still in Jai's arms. Carefully I turned over so I could look at his sleeping face. His skin was so clear and perfect in the morning light and he had thick dark lashes framing his eyes. I noticed his little brown freckles and the urge to kiss every one of them was overwhelming. As I let my gaze wander down to his lips I let my mind imagine what it would be like to kiss them.. To feel my lips moving in sync with his and to feel his kisses on my skin.

Suddenly he groaned, startling me, and opened his eyes. His gaze bore into mine and I felt myself getting lost in his dark brown orbs.

"Good morning.." He whispered softly. His husky voice sent shivers down my spine and I struggled to keep my own voice steady.

"Morning.. Jai about last night.." I started but he cut me off.

"Leah, whatever you've been through. Whoever has hurt you.. I promise I'll never do that. You don't have to explain anything until you're ready and when you are ill always be here to listen. I know we've just met but I feel close to you already.. And that makes me feel special.. Like we have something special."

I sighed and entwined my fingers with his again.

"Jai.. My past is dark. It still scares me and I'm the one who's had to live through it.. I'm broken and empty inside. Ever since.." I winced as I remembered my nightmare about the last memory I had of Rob. The scream of the train wheels on the tracks.. My scream as he.. Left me.

I took a deep breath and told him what had happened. Someone had to know.

"When I was seventeen I met a boy called Rob. He was a country boy and he was my everything. Whenever I was with him I felt like I could fly and achieve anything. He was the sun in my life.. We were perfect together and we were in a serious relationship for a long time."

I got up and walked to the balcony and watched the first rays of sun seep into my garden. Jai rose from the bed and followed me out and stood beside me, his muscular arms folded across his chest. His gaze was still firmly fixed on me. I carried on.

"But Rob and I.. We were both damaged. His family life was hard after his sister Charlie died and he had no one who truly loved him for who he was. My family life wasn't much better. My parents were having problems and I had no one to pull me through the darkness that was permanently in my mind. Until I found him. We brought out the best in each other Jai.. We were infinite."

I felt tears threatening to course down my cheeks but I held them back. There was no stopping now.

"Rob was perfect to me.. But everyone has flaws. He got mixed up with the wrong people and he started taking heroin. At first it was only once in a while but then he became dependent on it. He craved it every day, he loved the high he got.. More than he loved me. It changed him. He became paranoid and he thought the world was against him."

I turned to Jai and looked him straight in the eye. They were so full of concern and support I found the strength to say the hard part. The part of my story that had been killing me for months.

"One day he left the house and I followed him, trying to find out where he got the drugs from. Except we ended up at the train station. He stood at the edge of the platform and.. He.."

Sobs wracked my body again and Jai tried to wrap his arms around me but I stopped him. I needed to say this.

"I pleaded with him.. I begged him not to leave me. But he did.. The love of my life left me and I could have stopped it."

I finally broke down and my legs gave away from under me. For the second time since I met him Jai held me and soothed me, whispering sweet nothings into my ear until I had calmed down. When I looked up at him he had tears in his eyes.

"You're the strongest girl I've ever met" he murmured "I got you now Leah, you're safe with me. I'm not going anywhere."

He brushed my tears away and tipped my chin up so I was looking into his eyes. His other hand slipped around my waist and he gently pulled my hips towards him. I could feel his heart thudding as our chests came closer together. He looked into my eyes and started to lean in. Our lips barely brushed for the briefest of moments and I let out a soft involuntary groan.

A little voice inside me whispered "What about Ariana?" and brought me to my senses. I pulled away from him and stammered an excuse.

"I promised the others we'd go around Melbourne today.. I need to uh.. I need to shower and get ready and I need to do my morning work out."

I pushed past him and made my way downstairs, leaving Jai on the balcony, my head spinning with thoughts.

I couldn't kiss him! I couldn't even think about him in that way. He's just broken up with his girlfriend and I'm still not healed. I just blurted out my deepest hurt and the truth is, he doesn't know the half of it. This is wrong.

Isn't it?

-----------------JAI'S POV----------------

I couldn't help it. I had to kiss her. She was so vulnerable I couldn't bear it anymore.

I pulled her closer to me and started to lean in but the moment our lips brushed she pulled away. She started muttering excuses and left me on the balcony.

I ran my hands through my hair and sighed heavily. I padded back to my room and unlocked my phone. I hadn't unlocked it since yesterday and it opened up in my messages to Ariana. I closed my eyes. Ariana. The love of my life. Or so I thought. We were so young when we got together and I guess our time just ran out. We had bigger things ahead of us and the long distance strained us to the breaking point.

I realised that Leah must have read the messages between me and Ari.

I pinched the bridge of my nose between my thumb and index finger and sighed. She probably thinks I'm a player, trying to kiss another girl after just breaking up with my girlfriend.

I went back out to the balcony in the other room and looked out at the view of the sea. The sun glittered on the waves and the scene was stunning.

It might as well have been in black and white for all I cared. The only thing I found beautiful was the broken, hurting girl that was downstairs in the gym.

I needed her. I knew that now more than ever.

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I cried writing this chapter. Even though a lot of this chapter wasn't personal, sometimes things just really hit home.

Hope you guys liked it! Update soon :)

Tweet me what you think or comment or whatever :) I'd love some feedback!

-Leah

@LeahLuvsJanos

Xoxoxo