Tainted Heart - A Jai Brooks Fanfiction

Chapter 16

---------------LEAH'S POV----------------

"FUCK!!" I hurled the useless bottle at the wall in frustration. It rebounded off the wall onto the countertop where there were empty WKD bottles scattered around the place.


I suddenly felt a surge of rage flood my body as I grabbed a stack of plates and threw them at the same wall. They smashed with a satisfying sound and the shards crashed all around me, some hitting my skin.


"Jesus, Leah stop!" I heard Jai cry out but he sounded distant. My mind was in turmoil as my rage took over me, fuelled by pain as I took hold of some empty bottles and threw them at the walls, watching as the remnants of the WKD dropped down the white walls.


My body still ached from my bruises and cuts, but nothing compared to the pain I felt inside me. The gut wrenching agony of the thought that the very thing I tried to escape, the life that I tried to leave behind.. It found me. And it was going to destroy me again.


I will never escape.


As soon as the thought hit me, I felt weak. I sank to my knees as hot tears coursed down my cheeks. I clenched my fists as I felt Jai try to wrap his arms around me.


"He took what wasn't his," I croaked, my voice shaking as I tried to keep my whirling thoughts and emotions at bay "he took my dignity and he ruined me. I'm a broken mess, if I wasn't one already I am now. I'm nothing."


I felt Jai stiffen beside me as I spoke and there were a few brief moments of silence between us as the sound of my choked sobs filled the room. I felt him move against me and he drew away slightly.


"Look at me," he tilted my chin up so my eyes were level with his chocolate brown ones, "you are not worthless. You are not nothing. You're the most beautiful, loving and generous person I've ever met. You shine like a star whenever you walk into a room and you captivate me. Whenever I'm around you I want to scream I'm so happy. I can't take my eyes off you, you're so innocent and perfect in every way."


My heart rate started slowing down as he spoke and I processed his words. His voice was full of raw emotions as he struggled to contain himself.


"When you went missing, I felt like a chunk of my heart was ripped out of my chest. I can't breathe unless I know you're ok. Before I met you my heart was aching and I didn't know why. I felt incomplete and I couldn't find out why. But when you walked into my life, that first day when we met.. It changed me. I can't even begin to describe how you make me feel because there are no words for this feeling.. Other than pure ecstasy."


I bowed my head, trying to blink back the tears from what he was saying. I felt like I was being set free from something, a weight was being lifted off my shoulders. He spoke even more softly.


"When I thought I lost you, I went numb. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. I couldn't function. It was like I gave up. I have up on myself. Because there's no me without you. I'm nothing without you. There's nothing or no one in this world that makes me feel the way you do. I love you. I'm irrevocably in love with you and I always will be."


I gasped. Three words was all it took to ease the heavy weight on my shoulders. I felt the rest of my anger subside and I felt like the dull ache inside me lessened.
As soon as he said it, I knew I felt the same way. Every little thing about him made me happy and I felt like I could take on the world when I was with him. Despite everything that I had been through, everything that had happened.. It didn't change the way I felt.


I realised that he had gotten up and he was walking away from me. I raised my head and called after him.


"Jai." I half whispered. He stopped and after a brief moment of hesitation he turned around. His face was filled with sadness and a small bit of hope. I looked into his eyes, which were full of love and I spoke again.


"I love you too."


His face brightened up immediately and he smiled his adorable, crooked smile. He approached ma again and helped me to my feet. I wiped my nose on my sleeve and smiled.


"I bet I look so attractive right now." I joked, knowing that my red eyes and bruised skin probably looked horrific. He chuckled quietly.


"You look beautiful. You always do." He pulled me into a hug and I tensed up a little. Bodily contact with someone else brought back feelings that I didn't want to experience again. Sensing my tension he pulled away, his expression laced with concern.


"Are you ok?" He asked. I nodded quickly, not wanting to hurt his feelings.


"Yeah I'm fine, it's just.. When anyone.. You know-" he cut me off with a nod of his head.


"I get it babe. One step at a time." He smiled at me and my heart filled with warmth at his understanding. I drew away from him.


"I'm gonna go take a shower and then tackle this mess," I said, gesturing at the broken plates and bottles. He nodded.


"I'll start down here, take your time." He said, grabbing a bin bag from the cupboard. I padded out of the kitchen and made my way upstairs to the bathroom. I turned on the faucet and let the water heat up before stripping down and getting in.


As I let the hot water relax my muscles I heard Jai's voice echoing up the stairs, singing loudly. I smiled, he was definitely doing it on purpose to make me laugh. I stood in the shower smiling like an idiot, listening to his calming voice.


"You'll never love yourself half as much as I love you
You'll never treat yourself right darlin' but I want you to
If I let you know I'm here for you
Maybe you'll love yourself like I love you...."



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Hello again :)


I know I said I wasn't feeling the writing vibe this week but I decided it wasn't fair to leave it this long and not update so I tried my best :/

It's not very good but ill defo be improving the next few chapters so don't worry!


ily all forever

Happy Christmas!!

~Leah

@janoskipians_

Xoxoxoxox