Why? Why me?

Chapter 4

So, we had to move. A trip of a week, all the way to California. That was hell. From Texas to California. Well for me it was. I missed Heath. He was the only one i missed, or the most at least. He somehow is part of my life, and i really would give whatever just to see him again...

I can still talk to him through social media and see his pictures, but that doesn't really work. I won't feel the warmth of his smile because it is just a digital picture, i won't ever hear him joke again, i won't ever get a hug from him, i won't ever be in love, because my heart will wait for him.

So, here i am, going to my first day of seventh grade. I personally think it will be crap. I miss Heath, i do not want to have a crush on someone else and, most important of all, this is a school i don't know...... So, as i enter the classroom, i see a bunch of faces turn to see me. I apologize to the teacher "i'm sorry i'm late, i am new and i got lost" "it's okay, have a seat" because all of the seats were mostly taken, i sat at the back row next to a, um, kid. Well, actually there was a desk between us so i wasn't basically next to him/her. I did not know if the kid was a boy or a girl or a tomboy and i didn't want to offend him/her, by asking. I could not tell, the kid had long hair, a white, blue and pink backpack and was dressed, um, well that is not really important. She seemed average. I later discovered that she was a girl, because her name was Kaylin. We soon became friends. "Hey," she said "hi" we stayed silent for a moment. "So, want to be friends?" "I don't kow you" "can i borrow your pencil sharpener?" I nodded and gave it to her. She slowly sharpened her pencil.

When she was done, she came back to our conversation. "Uh, so? Friends or not" "okay, fine" "my name is Kaylin, but you can call me KK, and my last name is Storms, make it Kaylin Storms" "my name is Emerald Anderson Gillette, but you can call me Em" "can i call you Emma?" "No, no way" "okay". I was about to burst into tears, because Heath, and only Heath, was allowed to call me Emma and Kaylin remembered me so.

I was glad there weren't any cute guys. So days passed, and i was charmed by my new school. Until THAT guy came. He was a guy, and he was using crutches, so i wonder what happened to him. Never asked him, i was too shy.... His name was James Dutchinson. I had a crush on him that lasted for two weeks, until this happened:

It was our brunch, and me and Kaylin were playing truth or dare, (why do i keep playing this game if i know how dangerous it is anyway?) and i asked her who she liked. "James D." What? I exploded internally. I just nodded and played cool, but i was so mad. After my inner explotion was done messing with my emotions, she asked me who i liked. "Uh" James D. "No one, at the moment" " okay, brunch's over let's go back to class". Oh, sweet surprise. I was sitting in front of a guy, and we were the only ones on the table. Great.

I talk Spanish, he does too. Yay?. His name was Oscar. We became good friends, and a guy told me he liked me, which i did not believe of course. Because i liked him too. And i felt so guilty. Later at home, i got in my phone and was so tired of it i texted Heath,

Heath, i still like you.....

I know you do Emma, i do too

Then why did we break up?

Picture

Yeah, but, i was, mad, angry, i still loved you...

I know you did, i did too, we do, we still like each other

Then, can we both have another chance?

I don't know Emma

You like Another girl don't you?

What? No! I can not outgrow you, let alone crush on someone else

It's just that you do not want me anymore

I do, it's just that i want you so much, i am afraid you'll break my heart again....

That said, he did not answer anything else, because i didn't ask anything else. Oh Heath, i am, unfortunately having a crush on someone else, hold on, on two someone elses.... I mean, we are apart, can we still fall in love with other persons? Ugh.

Then, a few weeks after, my heart was so defeated, so crumpled up, so, um, empty.... I helped Oscar get a girlfriend he has been liking. Her name is Audrey. But because he did not know i secretly liked him, i got over it, and we started playing a game. He was my dad. Audrey my mom, and Kaylin my sister. I had other several pretend aunts and uncles, and it was fun. I remember playing that game in elementary school..... Rick was my father, Heath my brother besides a bunch of others, Xiomara was my sister and i had a bunch of ther pretend family behind all of them. Them we stopped playing when we became seventh graders. That was it. We played since first grade....

So, i got to hug Oscar, which i did not, because that would have been awkard. So i made him my horse. I pulled him by the hoodie and he would run. It was fun. Then, there was this girl. Elizabeth. Everyone called her Liz though. She had been Oscar's girlfriend, so she was once my mother.....

Then, my auncle, whose name was Mike. I liked him. Once. Kaylin did too. But then we became friends. We both liked pandas, so everytime i saw him or he saw me we said "PANDAAAS" and we would laugh or smile. Then there was this guy i really liked. His name was Carl.

I had two other friends, their name was Lilac, and Kira. We all talked spanish, so it was fun to be with them. Then, i started going to tutoring to better my grammar, and i met this girl named Lizbeth there. She was friendly and we had good times together in tutoring. Carl. Oh girl.

I liked him, Kaylin liked him, Kira liked him. Oh god. Almost everyone. That was um, unusual. So then i got over him and started liking Heath again. Ugh. Am i having an obsession over him? I have been dreaming with him. That lasted for a week. Then, i asked for a friend's phone whose name was Juliette. She was a good friend. I had lost my phone, so there was no way i could talk to Heath ever again until she was polite enought to let me use her phone. First, i got in my social media, and i texted "sorry for not getting online, phone issues, i miss you all, and still loving him" and then i went to Heath's profile and sent him this: "Heath, i can not forget you, i love you and i do not understand if we were separated why do we still love each other?, please let's have a second chance, XOXO, forever loving you..." And i have not gotten on my social media to see if he even read it or he answered. Is he mad at me? Me and Kaylin got into lots of fights and we still are friends. That is awesome. Ater school finished, and i was enjoying my summer already, i only had two thoughts in my head.

1) i miss Heath

2)i wish he was here