Love You More :) (Jahvie) *Sequel*

Chapter 16

A/N Hai. You might hate me after this chapter. 

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Jayy's POV 

I can't believe I just snapped at Dahvie. That was really bitchy of me, and I wished I could take it back. Too late now, I thought bitterly to myself as I lay back down in the big empty bed. I flipped onto my side, wishing I wasn't by myself in the bed, wishing Dahvie could be by my side. I knew it would be awhile before Dahvie came back into it (if he ever did)... Because I snapped at him. I'm so fucking stupid! Why did I ruin any progress I had made? I just felt so frustrated, because I thought that by now he would know whether he wanted to be with me or not. Or maybe he's just trying to find a way to let me down gently. 

Either way, I should at least apologize to him, right? I lay there for who knows how long, thinking about what would be best. My mind replayed the scene over and over. Dahvie's face as he took in what I had angrily yelled at him, my tone, my frustration. Then I walked away. I stormed away from Dahvie, even though I only wanted to grab him by the shoulders, shake him and tell him to get it in his head that I loved him. I wanted to kiss him senseless. But his eyes. They held such sadness, and it was because of me and my stupid temper. 

'What the hell have you done Jayy?' 

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Dahvie's POV 

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So after Jayy snapped at me, for no fucking reason I might add, I ran to the bathroom and locked myself in. I was too shocked to speak, and his tone had been so sharp it hurt. What just happened? Why did that happen? What did I do that made him angry at me? 

'See Dahvie, you are a fuck up.' that cruel cold voice stated smugly in the back of my head. It was happy that I was sad. It laughed at my pain. That's fucked up.  

I'm fucked up. And I don't know what I did to make Jayy mad at me, but it's all my fault, I ruin everything. He probably can't stand me now, because I can't do anything right. I only make things worse. 

I hadn't even noticed until now that a single tear was slipping down my cheek, leaving a small trail. I huffed and wiped it away furiously before any more fell. Why the hell am I crying? I cry over every little thing that makes me upset. I'm weak. So fucking weak. Why the hell am I weak? What made me like this? Toughen up Dahvie, it's life. 

I can't change the fact that I'm a fuck up. I can't change the fact that Jayy hates me. I can't change the fact that I will never be good enough. 

But I can do something to release all of this sadness, disappointment, anger and every emotion boiling up inside. I made sure the bathroom door was firmly shut and locked behind me before taking out the tool I had used so many times, too many times. My old friend. It was sharp and silver, gleaming slightly in the light fixture above my head. I didn't even bother looking in the mirror to see my numb face. As soon as I decided to do this, any emotion disappeared. I didn't bother in pausing as I held the blade over my wrist, I only pressed down. Skin split open with a sharp stinging sensation that I missed. And then the beautiful red liquid spilled out. 

Pain. Blood. It all mixed together as time passed by. I didn't stop at one, I couldn't. I didn't stop until I was feeling dizzy. I didn't stop until I was numb to the cuts, until I lay my head against the wall behind me sighing in relief. I hid my blade again, cleaned my cuts and pulled my sleeves down. 

Ready to go back out into my reality. I put on a fake smile and walked out, having it ready just in case someone bumped into me. Someone did. Well that happened to be three 'someones'.Alexa, Lindsay and Lindsay. They were trying to sort out the where-to-sleep situation everyone had left them to.