Wild Secrets

18 - PLANS

I was still frozen in my chair. I felt weak and my eyes are still covered with tears. I felt useless. What if Martha was here? She can do it easily. Besides, she's the reason why mom remembered things. I'm such a failure.

I decided to go home after. It's over. I immediately called dad.

"Dad, i'm expelled" I said.

"What!? What did you do!? You haven't helped at all you useless brat!" Dad was so angry. I never told him that I made progress because I know he'll do something bad that could destroy our chances but here I am, the one who destroyed everything. I felt selfish. I locked myself in my room. I decided to stay in my house instead in the hotel, I don't want Raphael and Carl to see me like this. I asked Paul to drive Mrs. Dorse back to the hotel. I don't want anyone to see me like this, even Paul so I told him to stay in the hotel. I locked all the doors in my house. I even locked my room. I just continued crying inside.

I fell asleep.

I woke up and I realized my eyes are already dry. I noticed the time and in just two hours, Kenzo and I are going to meet in the gymnasium. I wanted to stay in my room forever but I promised Kenzo. I decided not to go but the guilt is the biggest problem. I also wanted to know why Kenzo hates to be around me.

I reached the gymnasium by a cab. I realized that this place is where my first gymnastics competition was held.

I have to pretend that i'm okay so Kenzo will not ask what happened to me. I wore a fake smile but that changed when I saw Kenzo. He's standing in the middle and a violet leotard is in his hand. He smiled at me. The inside of the gymnasium is dark. The only open light is the spotlight. "What is this?" I asked.

"Just wear this" he said and handed me the leotard. I just followed. I already got rid of my fear in gymnastics but I never tried to do gymnastics again. He then pointed to the washroom. I changed to my leotard. I actually missed wearing this. I walked outside and visions of my first competition popped into my head. People are cheering. My friend and Kenzo are also here. Suddenly, the accident popped into my mind. Kenzo felt my fear so he ran towards me and held my hand. "Forget and try again" he whispered. Wake Me Up started playing. That song holds a lot of happy memories in DANY. It's actually the team's favorite song.

"Go" he whispered.

Images of Mary and her friends, the NYU staff who offered me a scholar, my coach back when I was young, my friends that supported me here, my friends in Levine-Strom-Green, Zac, Raphael, Carl, Martha, Mrs. Green and especially my dad appeared in my head. The people who destroyed me and support me. I found myself doing my floor performance in Italy, the performance which I didn't finish.

After I finished performing, the lights of the gymnasium opened. I saw some people who's wearing formal clothes. I saw Anya, Carol and some of my old friends. Raphael and Carl are also there. They're clapping. I turned to face Kenzo. He's walking towards me. He stood in front of me. I find myself actually smiling. I hugged him.

I noticed that the formal guys are walking towards me. I let go of Kenzo. "We're from New Orleans training camp and we're accepting you in our training program. In that program, best gymnasts will be chosen to represent in the upcoming Olympics. We hope you could make it this saturday until friday" We shook hands. I can't believe I get to have another chance in gymnastics. My other friends came down to meet me.

Kenzo, Raphael, Carl, Anya, Carol and I decided to have lunch together. The others already left. We decided to eat at a place outside of Manhattan, where no one knows i'm Shantel Flinn. We just decided to eat in Brooklyn. I'm so happy but the feelings from yesterday still remains.

"Guys, thank you" I said. We're almost done eating. We shared a lot of stories together but I never have the guts to tell them i'm already expelled. I found out that Anya's going to study designing in Harvard while Carol is going to pursue her career in arts here in New York. Carl's torn between two universities which are in California or in Georgia. Kenzo told us that he's going to try out for the national football team and he's also planning to go to Yale because he sister's there. Raphael looked uncomfortable when Carl asked him. He said he didn't know yet and then they asked me. "I don't have any plan yet, my dad-"

"Don't let your dad plan your future Shantel, it's your future" Carol said strongly. She's right. I need to write my own future. It's mine to be exact. One day, i'll have the guts to do what my sis did. I'll be able to fight dad's bad decisions.

I realized, how can I go to college if i'm already expelled? My smile was replaced with a disappointed look. I can't believe i'm already planning for my future when I haven't fixed my present yet.

"What's wrong?" Raphael asked. "Nothing" I lied. Anya and Carol insisted that I should tell stories from my new school. I told them I made friends. I also told them that someone recognized me there and they're bullies. I also told them that I already found my mom but she already has her own family. I told them everything except for what happened yesterday. Anya and Carol left. "We'll visit again in your Christmas party!"

Kenzo, Raphael, Carl and I are walking along the streets of Brooklyn. It's 3 in the afternoon and the streets are not that crowded. The weather's fine. The guys are talking while i'm in the side, just listening to them. I can't believe that they're actually arguing who's more beautiful between Anya and Carol. Carl votes for Carol while the other two are in Anya's side which means Carl's the underdog in their argument. After a one hour of long walk, Kenzo's ride came and he insisted to take us with him. He first dropped Carl. I told them I'm staying in my house tonight.

We reached my house in just ten minutes. "Bye Kenzo, bye Raphael, thanks for the ride" I said and left. Suddenly, I heard the door of the car open. I turned around and Kenzo's running towards me.

"You forgot your phone" He gave me my phone. I think it had slipped from my pocket during the long ride. "Bye" he said. I walked towards him.

"Thank you" I kissed Kenzo in his right cheek. I noticed that Kenzo was stunned with what I did. "You're welcome" he said and smiled. I went inside and I find myself alone once again. I deserve this. To be alone in a cold place is for liars and failures like me. I'm back to my real self again, Shantel Flinn.

I stared at the ceiling, wondering how am I supposed to show my face tomorrow. I hope Mr. Levine didn't tell it to the other students tomorrow. I hope no one knows yet. Just one week, and i'm out of this hell hole.

Suddenly, I heard our door bell rang. I decided to stand up to open the door. It's Raphael. "Sorry, I don't accept visitors" I said and closed the door. He continued ringing the door bell. "Are you okay!?" he shouted from the outside. I decided to open it after a few minutes of forcing him to go away. I sat on the couch and he followed. He examined my face. I'm done pretending. I want to rest. I want to stop lying for a second with what I feel. He's waiting for me to talk. He knew something's wrong.

"I'm expelled"

"What?" I told him the whole story. He got angry at Mr. Walford and also Mrs. Green. I began to cry once again. He hugged me tightly. The coldness in my body is now replaced with warm feeling. I began to calm down.

"You're not a failure! You made it this far! Your dad sent you here to find out if she's really your mom and you did it! It's just your willingness that took you to the highest point, making her remember the past. Taking her back is not that easy, we all know it because you're powerless, one is to a whole family to be specific, right? You're doing everything all by yourself. You can't face them because you're alone, you need us"

"How can you-"

"Make your life better and easier" he cut me. He's right. I need some help. I'm doing this all by myself and with the help of Paul but it's not enough. I've been lying to my friends in LSG. Why? It's because i'm scared that my dad did something to them and they will hate me for that. I also think that they will side with Zac because they're friends longer than we are. And now, I can no longer find someone that could help me inside LSG. "I'm going to help you. I promise"