Eldest Elric

Shattered Glass

~~~ One year later ~~~~

I had finished. All of the medical books and practices were over with. It took longer than I thought because Sara and Urey leave for the battlefield every-so-often, but I didn't mind. Pinako taught me what she could in her free time so I got to learn some things with Winry. I try not to keep her parents to myself because I know she wants to spend more time with them. Most of the time I just read through the books so they can play with her. It bothers me none. Winry and I have come to some-what like one another. Maybe it happened over the countless times I stayed the night there?
It just happened I guess.
Now, as I sit in the kitchen of my own home, I think. Where can I go to learn more? I can see my mother as she cooks and watch her hum to herself. It is slightly easier to tell she is getting weaker. Yet, she continues on as a warm mother. Even now, she is the only to get a true smile from me by simply doing nothing.
I vowed to help her somewhere along the way of my learning in alchemy and I haven't found any cure yet. I will though because a mother like her deserves that much. A mother like her needs to stay alive and smile. She's the best mother in the world. Kindness seems to be weakening her because she is longing for someone. That someone is making her weaker with every cry.
"Mother." I drew her attention as a thought came into my head. She turned to me with a smile on her face and I smiled back. For a moment, I was lost in her smile. Then, a voice came from the front yard. My mother and I went out to see Edward and Alphonse. They had grown slightly over the last year and became very smart. Mother tells me they are learning alchemy from our father's books. I see the pure happiness in her eyes when they practice in front of her, but I also see longing. Longing for someone I need to find.
She smiled to the smaller boys and spoke words of praise to them. I had noticed that their alchemy is very different from mine. I have never needed transmutation circles and our father said I was not allowed to tell people. So, I didn't.
There was another reason I never told our mother I could do alchemy too. I was too afraid. Too afraid to have my mother look at me with those eyes that look just like mine that hold a longing look for someone else. I wanted her to smile at me like I was her child and I didn't want to make her cry anymore than she already does.
Those boys looked at me for a moment before giving me a grin. They like to play with me whenever they can and I think they look up to me. I give them a small turn of the lip, "Hey, Eddy and Al. Would you like to hang out?" I asked, hoping to give Alphonse a pointer or two on his alchemy. They looked at me in joy and agreed quickly. I sent a smile to our mother, "We should be back before diner. Then, I need to ask you something." My voice had some happiness of my own in it. I seem to be getting happier.
Ed, Al, and I went to get Winry because her parents are away again. Winry was excited as we made our way to the little creek across the fields. It's a hot enough day for them to play in the water as I sat on the bank. The three kids splashed and played together and I watched closely. They had a habit of falling and I worried for them. Though, all they see is me watching them with a blank face. Do they know I worry?
The sun was going down and they came out of the water to sit next to me.
The boys' shorts and shirts had wet marks and Winry's dress was the same. Alphonse sat in my lap and leaned his head back. Edward put his head on my shoulder and Winry was on my other. Even with my apathetic personality, kids swarm to me. I enjoy it because they are so innocent. These three are my family. Winry's family is my family. My world is around them and my mother is the center. I will do anything to keep it that way.
I let a smile grace me as we watch the setting sun while the crickets chatter. "Big Sister, can you sing to us?" Alphonse's soft voice was heard over the chirps. He always is the one to say things nicely, much like our mother. I inhaled a little,
"Sing a song unto the world,
Flying high the clouds unfurl.
Fall down, Fall down, Falls the rain.
My life won't be plain."
I paused slightly for another breath, noticing how everything is silent for me. My voice carries the soft lullaby.
"Even with the sunrise,
I'll never forget that fateful night.
Fall down, Fall down, Falls the rain.
My~ life won't be vain."
As I finish the sun sinks away and all is still. My voice made a small echo in the empty field beyond the creek. It is the song our mother hums to herself all of the time, but I don't think the boys know that. "Your voice is so pretty, Big Sister." Winry says in awe as we move to stand. A smile is on my lips again, "Thank you, Winnie." I call her by the nickname I use for her. She had only let me call her that. Does she look up to me too? It was understandable because kids look up to others for no reason, though I know she looks to her parents like they are Gods. I carry the sleeping Alphonse on my back as we walk Winnie home. Then, I carry both boys as we go to our own home. They were tired and I didn't mind. I would do anything for these boys.
That night, I noticed one thing. My mother hadn't eaten but, a bite. As soon as my baby brothers were asleep, my mother started with the tears. I held my mother to my smaller body as she shook with sobs. Nearly every night she does this. It's heart-breaking to see my kind mother turn into this over someone. It almost made me cry with her, but I am strong. I am the child who hides her feelings because she is trying to look strong. The child who tries her best to ease peoples worry. The eight-year-old girl that has so many feeling locked inside. To never shed tear because she is so use to bottling it all up.
None of that is the thing I noticed the most though.
What I noticed more than all of that was: I'm running out of time.
So, the next day, I was packed and ready to go. I had told my sweet mother I would be gone before she woke and she gave me some money for the train, wishing me luck. She only thinks I am trying to learn all I can and that I don't want to be stuck in this town. I let her think that because it's easy for her to accept. My suit case was at my side as I took another look at my home. I was going to find that cure. My hand was on the doorknob. "Why are you leaving too?" That voice didn't sound so innocent right now. It sounded pained. I didn't even need to turn around to know that it was Edward.
I turned to him and saw the tears in his eyes. It hurt to see that, but if I don't leave he will hurt more. "You can't leave us too, Big Sister. Please!" He begged now. Edward was so afraid that I would leave him. I didn't want to, I needed to. It hurt to see the strong-headed boy I watched grow, crying and begging me not to leave him. The blonde child grabbed onto my arm and looked at me with his large golden eyes that shined with tears, "Please, we need you. Mom needs you!" His voice crack and his eyes looked so tortured that I couldn't look away.
Suddenly, I knew what I had to do. My hand smacked his away from me and glared to the smaller boy, "Get away. I can't stand you." My voice was cold and I saw him back away in hurt. Yet, I continued, "You are too blind to see the bigger picture Edward. I don't want to be near you. You look too much like our father and I'm sick of looking at you." I had to hit him where it hurt. He wouldn't let go of me unless he didn't want me here.
I have to make him not love me. "I should have left long before now." He was getting more distant, but not gone. "I have been hating you and Alphonse for too long. I only stayed because of Mother," His tears have stopped now. The bond needed to be gone, cut. "But now she isn't enough. Not enough for me to stay near you two."
With that, I turned and left with my bag. I walked away from the house I loved with the family I loved; broken. Our father leaving was a crack to the surface, but I just shattered the thin glass. It hurt. My heart hurt so much with pain I have never felt. I kept walking. I couldn't stop because I would not move again if I did. It was when I had gotten near the train station that I noticed my own tears. My body felt numb aside from the heat of my tears. Wiping them away, I continued on.
I was on my way to Central to find that damn cure.