Eldest Elric

Going Home

I sat in that spot, crying till I couldn't see, until Jenner woke up. He looked at me for a moment before crawling into my lap. He put his little arms around my neck and asked, "Why are you crying Momma?" His voice was so innocent as he held me, unaware of the blood on my hands and face. It was too dark for him to see.
I wrapped my arms around his waist and put my head on his shoulder. Only this once will I be weak. Only now will I let anyone see me like this. "Did you have a bad dream? Was it scary?" Jenner asked slowly. He didn't know much of my dreams, but he knew they made me sad. I decided to give him a nod.
He leaned back some and looked into my eyes. "I know!" He said suddenly and got off my lap and stood in front of me, crossing his arms. He made a mad face that looked like a pouty face, "You better cheer up Boss! Right now." Jenner imitated Kenji almost perfectly. I would have laughed too.
Though, I did stop crying, I did not feel better. Kenji will never be able to try and cheer me up again. Kenji is dead. Jenner gives me a big grin, "See, you're not crying. Momma's strong, yeah?" At his words, I cracked a smile. This little boy needed for me to be strong. Jenner needed a Momma that will hold him as he cries. He needs me.
I held him to my chest and ruffled his hair,"That's right. I'm strong." My smile got bigger as I thought it over again. Jenner is like the light at the end of a dark tunnel. He knows just what to say without knowing what is wrong. I can't stay upset at myself when I have a little boy looking at me to be strong.
The past won't change and I had tried. I had tried to help Haru. I avenged Niko and Ilko. I'm a kid who may act older than I am, but I acted how a kid would then. Now, I'm lost. How do I continue? Do I go back home?
I held Jenner to my chest as I thought things over. Pushing the image to the back of my mind. The front door opened. I looked to see Maes still in his uniform as he looked at us. He sat in the chair across from us and looked upset. "No worries, Maes. I'm going back to Resembool with Jenner." Both males looked shocked by my statement. Jenner more confused, "What about Elder and the others?" He asked with worry. He knew of the threat that happens with Ishbalans. We had told him that people can be very mean. Yet, I didn't want to tell him. I looked at him.
A deep breath and release was how I prepared, "Some people attacked the camp while we were gone last night. We only made it." My words came out softly, but they had an edge of bitterness on it. I may not forgive the puppets that followed blindly. Jenner went still. I watched him as his red eyes watered slightly. "Where are they?" This child had never been introduced to death. He didn't learn of his people outside from the camp or why military attacked us. Blindly innocent.
I pulled him to my chest and held his face with my hand, "They're with Lord Ishbal. He had called for them and they went away." I answered the boy with a normal voice. He looked slightly happy. Jenner spoke what he thought was the answer, "Then we should wait for them at the camp. Elder Lady would complain if diner isn't made before they come back." I glanced to Maes as he kept his gaze to the ground in shame and guilt. The man looked close to tears. I sighed and looked into red orbs, "They're not coming back, Jenner. Lord Ishbal wants to keep them with him. He wants to keep them safe." I tried to make it sound light to the boy.
He crossed his arms, "Why doesn't he want to keep us safe, Momma?" Jenner's question made me smile brightly. "Because we are strong. We will miss them, but we can't take things that Ishbal wants to protect. Right?" At my answer, the blonde boy smiled too. He hugged me tightly and said, "We'll miss them, but we are strong. Momma's the strongest person in the whole world!" He smiled and kissed my cheek.
Is this how my mother felt when she had me?
This warm feeling I get when this boy calls me his Momma, I like it. "Momma, why is there blood?" Now, he noticed it. Jenner sounded afraid as he looked me over, "Are you hurt?!" His question sounded frantic as he looked into my eyes. I rubbed his back, "To go to Ishbal, you die first. Jenner, this blood is not ours." I explained carefully. He looked sad. Really sad. His voice was heavy, "Did they hurt? Momma, did they feel it?" His question made me look to Maes for a moment, remembering the uniformed man I had killed. It didn't hurt him because it was quick. "Yes, Jenner. It hurt them a lot. But, it was all gone in the end. Now, they will never hurt again." My word were truthful and I didn't sugar-coat it. He needed to know that death hurt.
Jenner cried. His large, tearful, red eyes locked onto mine, "Why? Why did they hurt them? What did we do wrong, Momma?" His voice broke and I held him to me and rocked slightly. Whispering sweet coos, "We did nothing, baby boy... People are afraid of different... So afraid that they do not know what to do with it... Baby, we are different." I told him. He shook in my arms and I let him cry on me. Maes had left the room now with tears of his own. It wasn't his fault.
I pulled back slightly and wiped his eyes with my clean sleeve, "But, we are strong. We will live and get back up from whatever knocks us down, Jenner." My words were strong and my face was set. We are not giving up. Jenner had the same look as he smiled, "Yeah, we are strong!" He giggled at how it sounded and I smiled back.
When the end of the day came, we were cleaned up and ready to go. "Promise to visit soon and send letters!" Gracia called from the other side of the train window. I laughed a little and nodded. She handed me a small recipe book and a hug through the window. "Please, take care of yourself." She whispered in my ear and I smiled. "Yes, Ma'am!" I mock saluted as she hugged Jenner next. Maes stood next to her. He looked better after seeing us in a better mood.
He leaned against the side before speaking, "If you have any problems, go straight to Roy Mustang. He works in East H.Q, We are great friends!" Maes gave advice and smiled to me. I smiled back and gave a nod. "We'll be back to visit soon! Bye!" Jenner yelled as the train started to take off.
We didn't have any problems. Jenner wore sunglasses and people thought he was my little brother. As night came, the train came to our stop. The empty waiting-stop made me realize I should have warned Pinako. I held Jenner as he slept. His book-bag was on and held some new clothes. My guitar was strapped to my back and suit-case in my other hand.
Because of how late it was, I went straight to my home.
There was no hesitation this time as I walked into the old house. I went to my room and laid Jenner on his side, careful on taking his bag off.
After settling him in his bed, I set everything down. Tomorrow, I will unpack and tell Pinako I'm here. I laid next to Jenner and felt him cuddle into me. A smile was on my face as I went into sleep. Dreams were pleasant. Yet, I had a nightmare.
It was horrible as I relived the night at the camp all over again. Words from Edward echoed in my head as I begged for them to forgive me. Sleep didn't feel like sleep. When I woke up, Jenner wasn't next to me. I sat up so quickly that I fell from the bed. As my head cleared I looked around the empty room.
Panic settled in as I hurried into the hallway, "Jenner?!" I called for him loudly, hoping he was in the empty house. My feet went down the stairs as I heard glass break. I went to the dining room; where the cabinet was; and sighed as I saw the blond boy. His red eyes went to my blue-green ones and he cried, "I'm sorry." He let the tears fall.
At the slum, he would have gotten in a lot of trouble for breaking something because there wasn't much there to begin with. I smiled slightly and went to the broken cup. It wasn't completely shattered, just in half. "You're fine, Jenner. If you were thirsty you should have woken me." I said to the boy and gave him a reassuring hug. He wiped up the tears and smiled at me with a nod.
I found that the house had no food. A sigh came from me as I turned to Jenner, hoping he would give me an idea. He did! "Let's get ready, Jen. We're going to see the neighbors." I said to him with a smile. We move quickly as he got excited. I reread him a lot of my letters and he understands that we will be seeing Pinako.
I helped him into his shoes and we left the sunglasses. If anyone asks, he's my son. We start the walk to the old woman's house. I help Jenner walk in the brick wall and we laugh at nothing. Just giggle fits. Only this little boy can make me feel at ease as we walk the place I use to walk long ago. I see the familiar Auto-Mail house and see Den outside. Did she know we were coming?
Jenner looks at her leg while I knock on the door. Thankfully, the short elder answers. She is so shocked that she drops her pipe. "T-Trisha?" Her voice in in awe as she looked at me closely. I gave a big smile, "Not quite, Pinako." At the sound of my voice, she chuckled. I handed her the fallen pipe and she spoke, "Sorry, Elizabeth. What brings you here now?" Pinako had the same everything. As she spoke, Jenner came up the stair crying.
I kneel to him and he lets fat tears fall, "Momma! I p-pulled h-her leg a-and s-she bit m-me." Jenner blubbered before I asked. I smiled it the blonde boy, "Now you know not to pull her leg, right?" My question made nod his head. I held out my hand for his injured one and he gave it. There was no torn skin, just a warning bit.
I kissed the imprinted wrist and smiled at him, "There, you are all better. You're strong." At my word he fully smiled with no tear. "Right, just like Momma!" He hugged me with all of his strength. I laughed and turned back to Pinako.
She seemed to be thinking of something and I sighed, getting her attention, "Can we come in? I have a lot to tell you." My words had been soft and she let us in. I told her I would make breakfast and she sat in the dinning room with Jenner. I didn't worry as I hummed the song my mother hummed.
I brought the omelets to the table. There were five cheese and ham omelets. After getting one for each of us, I sat next to the small boy. We finished our food quickly and Pinako started her interrogation- I mean, questions. "So, how did you two end up here?" She started simple. I swallowed the lump in my throat, "The group died. Ishbala took them to protect them." Jenner spoke softly, knowing it was not to be taken lightly. Death was a heavy thing. Pinako didn't let her shock show, but I caught the hand twitch.
I put my hand on his head as comfort, "We had no where else to go. The boys are still gone, so I figured we could stay for a little." Pinako understood. She knew I didn't want to burden Maes because he is a friend. Pinako is family.
She leaned back, satisfied with the short answer. I didn't need her approval, I just wanted to let her know we were here. Pinako nodded her head and looked us over. I was a little on the skinny side, but Jenner was healthy. "What are you going to do when they get back?" She thought it out loud as she looked at me. I put Jenner on my lap as I mulled it over, "Leave, I guess. Back to Central after I visit a friend of a friend." My words made Jenner look at me. He knows my brothers don't like me.
After everything was said, Winry came down. She stared at me. Like she didn't know if she was still dreaming. Jenner poked her arm, "Why are you staring at Momma?" He sounded so innocent while starting trouble. I still didn't know if she would take me seriously. The blonde girl looked at the smaller boy.
When it finally kicked in, Jen was on my lap. "WHAT'S GOING ON??!" She sounded so confused and Jenner laughed at her. I sighed, "I'm going to be staying in my home until the boys get back. With my son." The last part was added and she was in silent shock. We stood up and I looked to Pinako, "Well, we'll be on our way now." I put my fingers to my lips in 'Shh' motion. She didn't looked pleased.
I guess she is the only one alive to understand me. To know my secrets. Before going back home, we go to the market near town. After getting the needed, we go home; our home.