Eldest Elric

A Letter

Today, I had decided to check by the Post. I had bought a Post, or mailbox, when I first came here and I sent money to my mother. The money was from what I made at my hobby of singing on the streets. I wasn't so shy about it and had even gotten a guitar from the trash, but I'm still learning to play it. The money was for her to buy some medicine to hold off her sickness and I even sent a letter or two.
Today, I went to check the Post like I do every-so-often. The desk lady, Kathrine, smiled at me and I smiled back as I went to the metal box. I wasn't surprised to see a letter in the Post because my mother sends me a lot of up-dates and pictures. I didn't look at the letter as I locked the box back up and walked out. When I got to our make-shift camp everyone gathered near me for my latest letter. I read my letters to them because it helps the younger kids learn spelling. My smile made the others smile as I looked at the front of the letter. My heart slowed. This was not her handwriting it was too sloppy. "What's wrong, Lizzy?" Haru asked as he stepped closer. I looked back at them. The men were not here, most-likely getting food, and the elders were in their tents. It was only the little ones and the older sisters. Where's Hiro?
"Elizabeth?" Ilko touched my hand and I looked at her for a moment. They were all worried. I gave a smile, "I'm fine, but I don't think this is from my mother. Maybe it's from the Rockbell's?" I said, trying not to get them to worry. Shoving the letter in my pocket to hide the writing, I went to my tent/tunnel. I instantly pulled out the letter and opened it. I calmed my nerves before opening the folded paper.
'Dear Elizabeth,'
As I read the letter, my heart stopped. It was Pinako's handwriting. I reread the letter. My mind memorized every word, but I still didn't understand. Why? She is telling me I'm too late. It hurts. My heart feels like it is being squeezed and I can't breath. A chocked sob escapes from my lips and I clamp my mouth shut. Why? I was doing my best here.
Why am I too late?
Whimpers and sobs raked my small body as my mind repeated, 'Too late...' I curled into myself and cried. I cried more than I have ever cried in my whole life. My sweet mother...I'm too late. While I was here; happily looking for a cure and playing Ishbalan; my loving mother was far away; suffering and crying by herself. I am a horrible daughter. Why didn't I just stay with her and be there for her last moments?
Somewhere in the haziness of my sadness, Hiro came in. He held me in his strong arms and I held onto him for my life.
He rocked me slowly and petted my hair as I sobbed. "Sh-She... I-I w-was t-t-too l-late... M-m-mother!..." I couldn't even make since as he rocked me like I had done to many other people. I would rock the Ishbalan kids as they had bad dreams. I would rock Jenner. I would rock Alphonse as he cried about our father. I would rock my mother as she cried about our father. Never had I been the one to be rocked.
I cried myself to sleep that night and didn't wake until noon the next. My heart felt empty and I didn't smile as I packed. Her funeral is soon and I need to get there. "Lizzy? Why you leaving?" Sonya peeked her head in and watched me with innocent eyes, but I couldn't look into them. What do I tell her? "My mother is dead and I need to go back home." My voice was horse as I finished packing. Walking past the small child, I went to Jigo. He looked startled to see my puffy eyes. "I'll be leaving for a while, Jigo. I don't know when I'll be back." I was brief as I tried to feel something.
The elder man seemed to understand what happened as he merely nodded and accept the enveloper I gave him. It had money in it and should last a while. My guitar was strapped to my back and suitcase in my hand when I left without saying anything to the others. I may be back soon. Do they know I will be back?
The train ride was dull as a numb feeling was in my mind and body. I stared out of the window and made sure my feelings would stay in check. Prepping myself to see my brothers and the Rockbell's. The train rolled on for a whole day and I couldn't even sleep a wink. My nerves were shaking and I needed to make it stop. Make everything stop hurting. Pain in my left hand brought me from my thoughts as I had dug my nails into it. It brought the pain from my heart away.
My thoughts went to the window as I thought of my father. The man my mother died waiting for. Or did she die wanting to see me? When the train came to a stop, I got off. Resembool is the same as ever. Dirt paths, large fields, few houses that are spaced out, and the same smell of fresh air. So different from the big city.
My feet knew the way home as I walked slowly, taking it all in. I stopped in front of the familiar green and white house. My feet wouldn't move as I just stared at it. Why wasn't I here for her? All of the feelings I had bottled inside threatened to take over, but I pushed them back. Every time my mind would think my sweet mother would come outside and greet me, I pushed it back. I couldn't stop thinking that she would do that. My mind would always think she was at the side of the house, hanging laundry and humming.
I couldn't move. The building made me feel so much guilt and sadness. I was afraid of it.
A crunch was heard behind me and I turned to see who it was. The woman with familiar blue eyes looked at me. Sara still had the same hair style after all this time. She gave me a soft, comforting, smile and I could only stare.
No words were said as she took me by the hand and lead me away from the ghosting house I grew up in. Silence was good for me right now and Sara understood that. We entered her mother's Auto-Mail home and I could smell the metallic from the metal. I didn't think I would see my baby brothers so soon, but I did. We stared. Edward hasn't grown and his eyes looked slightly dead, much like Alphonse's. Yet, when they saw me, fire was in their eyes. Hatred? Maybe, I had hurt them.
Edward stood from the couch and glared, "What is she doing here?!" His voice was loud as he yelled, not taking his eyes from my own. I just stared back. My insides were so happy to see them alive and almost well, but I couldn't let them see that. I don't know how to show them that I have changed. How do you say sorry for doing what I did? The answers didn't come to my mind. Pinako stood up for me, "That is you sister Edward, show some respect." Her voice was the same as ever and it still held authority. The blonde boy spoke again, "She's not my sister! My sister wouldn't abandon us." That was low. It was still a fresh wound in my mind, but I didn't show it.
All was still. Everyone held their breath, as if I would react to his comment. But I said nothing. Just looked at the boys. Even sweet Alphonse was glaring at me. Did he hear what I said? Winry had her eyebrows together in anger and wouldn't look at me. Edward looked more frustrated at me, "See? She doesn't even care. She left us, just like Dad." He scoffed to me and sat back down, acting like he didn't say anything at all.
I felt my mask crack, so I looked up to Sara and spoke, "Am I staying here?" My voice was as emotionless as my face. The light blonde woman gave a small nod and lead me to the room I would be sharing with Winry. A bed was laid on the floor for me and I let go of Sara's hand. She kneed to my height and took my hand, "Elizabeth, are you going to be alright?" She sounded hesitant as she looked at me. My stare seemed to unnerve her. I gave a faint nod, going against how I really feel, and stayed quiet.
Soon, she gave up on getting more out of me and left the room. I sat in the silence for a while before Winry came in. She looked at me once before moving to her bed. She didn't look at me until it was almost morning. We stayed up all night. She must have wanted to talk to me, but didn't know what to say. I just couldn't sleep. "Why did you say that to Edward?" Her voice was so angry, but it was barely a whisper.
It caught me off guard, but I didn't show it. I looked to her and a little girl that will look just like her mother. My chest hurt at the memory of what I did months ago. I stood up and grabbed my unpacked suitcase. Without a word, I left. I went to the home I grew up in and walked in. It didn't hurt now. More pain to the pain I was already feeling.
For two days while everyone was preparing for the funeral, I was in the kitchen of my home. Alphonse had seen me, but left me to sit alone. It was what I deserved. It was all my fault that my baby brothers hate me. Why do they turn me back to my old ways when I want to show them that I got better?
As the third day came, Urey approached me. The man simply sat next to me and asked me a simple question, "Why do you know things so quickly?" That wasn't what he really wanted to ask because he looked like he was struggling with what was really on his mind. I sighed slightly and put my hand on my guitar next to me. Urey coughed a little, "I mean, you are suppose to be a kid, yet you catch things kids don't catch." The older man looked slightly upset and closed his eyes.
Sara came in the room and sat on the other side of my guitar. She looked at me and to her husband. When she leaned over me, I tensed. The woman's arms wrapped around my shoulders as she spoke, "I'm sorry that you're hurting so much." Her words were soft and I could hear how controlled she was trying to be. Why? A large hand was on my head and I looked to the owner; Urey. His eyes looked into mine and I felt like I was going to break. Do they understand? "You're acting so grown up and mature for a girl your age. It must hurt that the others don't see it."
My eyes widen as I looked away. The woman started to cry on my shoulder as she laid her head on me. I didn't cry. No weakness. "Why are you crying, Mommy?" Winry's voice made me look to the door. There was the smaller girl, glaring at me. She thought I made her mother cry? "It's Elizabeth, isn't it?!" Yep. Why do people see me as the bad guy around here? I must deserve that too.
Urey stood and walked near his daughter, crouching to her height, "Why would you think that, Honey?" He said sweetly with confusion. The little blonde girl didn't look away from me, "Because she says mean things to people that care about her. Like with Ed and Al." At her words I moved. Sara stood up and let me do the same. My guitar in hand and bag on my back, I left the room. Up to my own room.
The place was the same, like I never left it in the first place. My things were placed on my bed and I went to my dresser. After getting the need things, I showered. Letting the water wash away all of my worries for the time being. It was cold water, but it helped. My mind cleared from the fog of sadness and I felt much better. Today was the day that we bury my sweet mother.
I wore a simple black dress that went to my ankles. It had long sleeves with white cuffs and collar. I slipped on white socks and black dress shoes. Now, I looked ready to see my mother off. As I walked from the bathroom I made sure my hair was in a high ponytail. My mask was on.