Eldest Elric

Blaming

When Pinako and I got back, Jen was asleep next to Alphonse as they sat on the couch. I smiled to the two boys and set our things down. "Hey, Alphonse?" I got his attention. His glowing eyes made me wonder about his real body. Did he have the same human eyes as he did when he was a boy? "Can you watch Jenner for a while? I need to visit some one." My question caught him off guard. Well, he is still ten-years-old. I laughed some, "Don't worry, my little Jen would be entertained by your Alchemy and you could even try and teach him if you want." That certainly got a reaction from him and he seemed cheerful now. "Really? Do you think he will like me?" Al asked and I swear I saw a glimpse of his smile. My smile grew and I nodded, "He already does. I've told him about you before."
I didn't mention the letters, still unsure if they will like the idea that I had someone check in on them. With Alphonse watching Jen, I left. I had changed into one of Winry's dresses because most of my clothes looked threatening. Getting into East H.Q with dirt stained clothes may be a challenge.
As I stopped in front of the guarded gate I looked around. How do I get in again? "Excuse me Miss, but do you have an appointment?" One of the uniformed men came over to me and asked politely. Uncertain, I looked at him, "Um, well... I am here to see if I can speak with Colonel Roy Mustang. May I?" Even though I asked nicely, the man saw me suspiciously strange. Roy is a womanizer, so he might think I'm the daughter of a badly dumped woman. "I'll inform him you're here. What's your name, Miss?" He asked again as I looked at his blue uniform. It's a nice blue color and I could see he might be a Private. I smiled some and looked into his blue eyes, "My name is Elizabeth, Maes Hughes had told me to come by and say 'Hello'." He seemed like a nice young man, very polite to even a child. He returned the smile and went inside to inform the mysterious Colonel.
As I waited, I looked around again. The train ride to East City was dull and I could only look out the window in boredom. Yet, this City was lively and had some shops. There were kids playing around and food stands bustling with customers. I liked the peace that came around and smiled more.
"You have been confirmed, Miss Elizabeth." The voice startled me and I jumped slightly at the sudden noise. "Yes, thank you." I giggled in embarrassment at my actions. He merely smiled and lead the way to the office. The inside was nice and organized. The floors were clean and I could faintly hear the hum of people in rooms. Very nice and cool. We stopped outside of double doors and the man knocked twice.
A man in glasses answered. He looked young and had dark hair, "Is this her?" He asked to the uniformed man that guided me. The man in question gave a nod and stepped aside so I can fully see him. This one had a baby face. "Hello." I smiled at him and clasp my hands in front of me. He gave me a smile and stepped to the side so I could enter. I did so and he closed the door behind me.
The room looked nice. On my left was filing cabinets and four desks pushed together to make a large square. Each desk had a person. There was a blonde man with a cigarette and blue eyes. Another was a large man with red hair. The last was a white haired man that looked professional. "Follow me, The Colonel's office is over here." The baby faced man said and lead me to another door.
He knocked briefly before someone said to come in. When we entered the room, I took it in. On the wall opposite of the door was a large desk that had a black haired man sitting behind it. A little to my left of the big room was two couched facing each other and a coffee table between them. A little to the left of the desk was a smaller desk. Yet, the other person in the room was a blonde woman. She stood to the man's right side and watched him work. The man had dark eyes and I knew he was Roy Mustang.
The woman watched me like a hawk as I stepped into the room. "Thank you, Fuery. You may leave now." Roy dismissed the man, Fuery, and turned his dark eyes to me. I smiled to him, not intimidated at all. That's just how I am. Why fear a friend of Maes? "Please, have a seat, Miss Elric. Maes has told me much about you." He smirked as he stood up. He sat on one of the couches and I sat opposite of him. There was no slouching as the woman stood behind him again. I smiled, "Like-wise, he had told me to tell you something important." I paused and looked dead serious.
He leaned forward, like it was top secret and I followed. Whispering lowly, I said, "He said that you need to get a wife." At his face I sat back and laughed. Roy rolled his eyes and smiled some. When I calmed down I still had a small grin. He relaxed and gave a lazy smirk, "Is that all you came to say?" My grin was gone as I remembered why I was here in the first place.
My fingers laced together on my lap and I looked at him for a moment. Yes, he should be the one. "Maes mentioned that you are always looking to be promoted and have your own moral code. I don't have much time to explain everything, but I need to use you for a moment." I paused, wanting to see how he reacts to this. Roy arched an eyebrow and I sighed, "I guess if you 'find' a great alchemist, that would be a very good thing. Maes had told me that it would definitely boost you closer to a promotion for Central."
Yes, Maes and I had talked of Roy more than once and he was kind to explain the whole system of getting promotions. Just put two and two together. "So, you want me to help you and you will help me?" Roy smirked and watched me. I smiled, "You won't be helping me exactly, but that's what I'm saying." The man looked in thought as he looked me over with curiosity. In a moment of silence, he nodded, "Tell me more of this 'great' alchemist." So, he took it. Now, I leaned back and relaxed some,"His name is Edward and he is very young. If you want to know how great he is, check the basement of his home in Resembool. It's not child's play that he does."
My look was serious as I thought to the basement. "The boy is something special. A prodigy in that town." I stopped. The man could see for himself and judge if Edward can be good enough or not. "And what do you get out of this?" Roy asked, not forgetting that he would be helping me. My smile was slightly sad, "Nothing. Edward is in an upsetting situation and I believe this will help him make up his mind." The words were hard to get out. Admitting that I couldn't help anymore than this was hard. Roy narrowed his eyes, as if in a mental battle. Weighing the pros and cons.
There was silence for over five minutes. "Who is this boy to you?" He broke that quietness and stared me down. I didn't look away, "He's my little brother." Now, the Colonel looked doubtful that Edward was a good alchemist and I was just spouting good things to get him to be a State Alchemist. "I came to you because Maes spoke highly of you. Maes said you don't judge by age or family, I understand. I did not come here because I am playing favorites with my family. I came for this favor." My voice was hard, but I controlled any anger. The woman watched me as my knuckles turned white.
Roy narrowed his eyes at me again, "Why can't you just help him?" He sounded some-what annoyed with the favor. I rolled my eyes, "I'm helping as much as I can by going to you. They don't exactly like me anyways. So, if you do help them, don't tell them I came to you about it." The conversation is going on longer than I thought it would as I glanced at the clock. The last train leaves around nine P.M... "I will consider it. More or less, I need to see the problem myself." He sighed in defeat.
I smiled widely and stood up, "Well, I must be going. The last train will be leaving soon." I gave a wave to the man as he stood up too. "It was nice to meet you, Colonel." I said and smiled to him one last time. "Like-wise, Elizabeth." The man smirked. He went to his desk and I went to the door. At last moment, I turned to him, "By the way, you should go there in a few days. I won't be there and that should be enough time for Edward to get out his anger." My words made him give me a confusing glance. He just stated, "Then, stop by right before you leave for good. I'd like to ask you more."
I gave a nod with a smile and left the office. Fuery had seen me first as I looked around for a moment. "Would you like for me to escort you out Miss Elizabeth?" He asked politely and pushed up his glasses. I smiled to the nice man, "No, thank you. I remember the way out, Sir." Yes, I can use my manners. With that, I walked out of the room and into the white halls. Leaving was better than entering because I have a lot to think about now. Like when I would leave and were we would go. That's easy to think about.
The whole way back to Resembool was spent on thinking about where Jen and I would go. I will bring him with me to meet Roy again and then back to Central. It wouldn't be so bad to travel around after we stop by Maes's. We could go to Rush Valley and Aquroya, basic site seeing places. It would be fun!
As I entered the Auto-Mail home, I smiled. The air smelled of Pot Stew. That's Edwards favorite and Jenner's too. "Momma! You're back." The small blonde boy tackled me to the ground in a big hug. I laughed and ruffled his hair, "I'm back!" This kid really makes me happy. Alphonse greeted me also and we sat down for diner. Edward should be able to get out of bed in a day or so and join them.
Pinako looked at me, "So, staying another night I presume?" She asked with a small grin. I smiled and gave a nod, "The last train is gone and I should say a proper goodbye to everyone tomorrow." At my words, Jenner cheered with Winry. I guess we had gotten closer than I thought. Or she liked Jenner around. Yet, I would never leave him unless he wants me too. So far, he hasn't wanted to leave me and vise versa.
The night went on and everyone went to sleep. Alphonse and I sat in Edward's room all night and talked. He told me of his teacher and Yock Island. I told him that Jenner and I would be traveling around for a while. Alphonse learned that Jenner was like my blood child and we laughed at how Winry reacted. The night was calm and we only talked on the light subjects. There was already so much heavy sadness around from a certain mistake.
If Al didn't sleep, then I would stay up with him. When the sun rose, we stood up. "I'm going to pick some flowers for Edward, I'll be back soon." I told Al with a large yawn. We laughed some at my tiredness and I left before the others woke up. Being in the meadow by the creak after so long made me smile as I picked some peonies, Black-Eyed Susan, and white carnations. Yes, those should do. The scent in the field was amazing and I relaxed around here. This was a great moment for me. Finally, I got to see my brothers and help them. Even after what happened, I feel so happy to see them alive.
Picking the small Forget-Me-Not was the last flower as I went to my mother's grave. I haven't been there for a long time and I wanted to see it. The same stone was there, even after I wished it wasn't. After all of this time, I didn't want to see that stone there and hoped everything was a dream. Yet, I'm the hopeless dreamer.
Making a flower ring from the Forget-Me-Not was all I could do for the dead woman I love so much. I really miss her. "Don't forget me and watch over them, Mother." I whispered to the unresponsive grave. She will never answer me. Pushing back all thoughts, I stood up. I had to get back to the house now. When I walked in, Jenner hugged me with a big smile. I have gotten use to this, but I smile back. "Were you good?" I asked, even though I already knew the answer. Jen grinned widely, "Yup!!" "AWW! You are so cute!!" I couldn't stop my doting and he laughed. After finding an empty vase, I put the flowers and water in it. Ed should wake up sometime today.
"Jen, could you go play with Winry for a moment? I need to check on Edward." I asked the boy with a smile. He looked at me with his red eyes and gave me a nod before running off to find Winry. He's such a good kid.
I went up to Edwards room to find only Ed in there. He was still sleeping and I smiled. Al might be helping Pinako with something and it was just me with Edward. Quietly, I set the clear vase on the bed side table. Looking at Edward made me smile more. He is the same as ever. The way his hair is, but it's slightly longer. I'm certain that his eyes are the same as before. The boy looks much like our father.
I fixed the blanket to his shoulders and stepped back. When I was about to leave, he stirred. "Mom..." My feet stopped as I heard him moving around. My eyes went to him to find him awake. Even he thought I looked like our mother. I shook my head, "No, Elizabeth." My correction made him sit up all the way and wince in pain. Worry went through my mind, "Lay back down, Edward. You just got patched up." With my words in mind, he looked around. "Al... Where's Alphonse?!" The smaller boy panicked and started to tear up. I found it hard to move closer to him. "Alphonse is fine, Ed. Remember?" My soothing voice made him look at me and he calmed down.
Then, he looked angry, "Why are you here?" The golden eyes I love narrowed at me. I guess he is still angry at me. "I'm here to help-" My words were cut off by the boy. "No! You never helped us! Don't lie to me, Elizabeth!" His voice was so loud and he was so mad. I didn't even do anything wrong. Yet, his eyes accused me of being the bad one here. Why? I'm not the one who was bad. "I didn't do anything wrong Edward! Don't act like I'm the one who is in the wrong." My voice was just as loud as he glared at me.
No, I didn't glare back. There may have been anger in my tone, but I can't bring myself to glare at the boy I love so much. He doesn't know about the camp, the letters, the Colonel, or nothing. It's my own fault that I'm not truthful about it and I can't be too mad that he doesn't know. I made it that way.
Jenner came into the room with Winry and I instantly calmed down. Though, Edward just glared harder. Here he is, all worked up over me being here, and I'm the one who acts like his anger is no big deal. "I'm not done talking to you, dammit!" He yelled at me as I turned to Jenner. "Jenner, why don't you and Winry go help Pinako with diner? Edward and I need to talk." His red eyes looked at Edward and then to me. Uncertainly, the small boy left with Winry giving me a concerned look.
Turning back to Edward, I spoke, "Try not to curse in front of Jenner, he repeats everything." My small smile made Edward glower in anger. He was seething with unsaid hatred that made me sad. "Leave." He muttered to me. My foot step went closer and he clearly glared at me again, "LEAVE! You have no reason to be here! Just leave us alone!" The blonde boy that is my flesh and blood, really didn't want me here. Edward still hated me and I didn't like that. Was there no way to talk it out?
I took a step closer and he yelled louder, "Just leave us alone!! I can't stand to look at you anymore!" That hurts. I have feelings too, Edward.
There is so much I want to say to him. Yet, like all the other times, I can't. There is a lump in my throat and it won't go away. My chest feels tight and I feel panicked as he glared at me. If I was here more, would he still hate me? I don't think he would. But then I would have missed out on meeting Hiro and the others. Jenner would be dead. I would have never tried to help our mother and feel guilty. Like Edward does.
I bit my tongue and choose my words wisely, "I will leave, but I want it to be on good terms with my family. So, please, let's talk-" I really tried. I did. My words came out and I had said what I thought would help. It didn't. Edward got madder, "TALK?!? After abandoning us twice you want to talk?! To be forgiven?!" He caught his breath and I tried again, but he continued, "I won't forgive you!! Look at what you did! You weren't there and we couldn't get Dad. We had no one to care for us because you left! We had no choice, but to try and bring Mom back because she is the only one who loves us!!"
He had tears in his eyes and a grim look. The boy who could make me speechless didn't think I loved him. He thought it was just him, Al, and Mother. There was no Elizabeth or our father in his world because we made it look like we didn't love him. "That's not true Ed! You don't know..." I bit the inside of my cheek from telling him the truth. He will cry more. I don't want to see those tears. Or that sadness. "What?! What don't I understand Elizabeth?!" The tone he used was mocking me to speak.
Yet, I wouldn't. Couldn't. My blank stare seemed to fuel his fire, "Just leave!!" Sudden pain on my face made me cry out. Glass shattered against something and echoed as it hit the ground. I clutched the left side of my face as I realized what he did. Edward, the little brother I love, had thrown a vase at my face...
The room went deadly quiet as my fingers held my bleeding left eye. It hurt so much. This was my own fault... I should have just left and let him cool down. A beautiful white carnations has droplets of red now. The blood went between my finger, sticky and hot. "Eliza... I-" The smaller boy was at loss for words. Tears swelled in my eyes and I didn't look at him. Edward would be sad by this. "Elizabeth!!" Winry rushed in and I stood up, covering my left eye so Ed didn't see.
She gasp and ran to me, "Grandma!!" The blonde girl called for Pinako and laid her arm on my shoulder. We left the room and no one said anything until Jenner saw me, "MOMMA?!" He yelled in confusion at all of the blood. I tried to give him a smile, but it hurt. My eye was bleeding badly and my chest hurt. Pinako guided me to an unoccupied room and made everyone leave. Even Winry.
She set he pipe side and started cleaning all the blood to see the problem. Words were not said as she checked my eye. I flinched at the stinging pain and felt more tears fall. I couldn't see anything with that eye. Prodding pain came and I ground my teeth to stay still. Pinako knew what she was doing and I shouldn't move. It felt like days of pain before she stopped. Really, it was only two hours.
I was leaning against the headboard as she cleaned her tools, "He got you good, Elizabeth." She stated without looking at me. I didn't bother saying anything. The whole house had heard our argument, thanks to Edward. "I should leave now, Pinako." My voice sounded dead to my own ears. The old lady looked at me sharply, "You're not going anywhere with your eye like that." She huffed and I looked at her. The gauze made a patch over my eye and I wondered how bad it was.
Pinako met my stare and I spoke, "I can't stay here, Pinako..." The mask I had tried on already chipped away as I felt tears in my good eye, "H-he... blames me... I blame me, for everything." I hiccuped and curled into myself. Hiro is needed now more than ever. Pinako rested a hand on my back as I cried, "Why couldn't I save the camp...?" It hurt. "Why couldn't I just be here for them?" My whole being was on fire and I could only question the 'Why's... "Why couldn't I find the cure?!" That was it.
That was the source of my sadness. I could do nothing. "I-I couldn't e-even save a-a little g-girl..." Pinako listened to me. She let me cry out how upset I was. How damaged I was if I couldn't do the simplest thing. The old lady who I saw as a grandma didn't say a word because even she didn't know what to say. She can't say I tried because that would be like saying my brothers were useless. She can't say I did my best because I froze. Pinako can't say I was there because I wasn't.
They pushed me away and blamed me for it. I blame myself too. In the end I fell asleep with these tears. My eye was is stinging pain and I didn't want any medicine for it. I got this because it was my fault. So, I'll leave. Jenner and I will leave when I wake up and Edward will be happy. That's all I want. For them to be happy.