Eldest Elric

Silent Tears

As time went on, I began to go back at ease. Pinako, Sara, and Urey write me a lot. I have many pictures of my brothers and them. They tell me that my brothers are doing well and have been learning more alchemy. They tell me funny stories of when the kids play and how Ed hates milk. I felt happy.
It was like I am still there and our mother never died. In my sleep, I see her. Sometimes good. Most of the time, bad. Yet, I have my Ishbalan family. Sonya gives me this big hug every morning. Kenji orders me to cheer up. Hikaru makes me play with them. Haru tries to do all of my chores for me. Ilko helps me write songs for my corner singing. Niko lets me play with her amazing hair. Miya has me help with diner. The men teach me to hunt and I get to go with them to the park for squirrels. Jigo tells me stories of his life and Ishbala.
The most helpful one of all was Jenner. The way he would smile at me and look at me with clueless red eyes. His blonde hair made it known that he is Ishbalan and Amestris mixed. Soldiers in this country do horrible things to helpless people.
Yet, there was still regret. I didn't say a damn thing to them. No words came from me as I could only look at them. They made me lose my words and I couldn't remember what to say. My baby brothers are the only ones to do that to me. Only they can make me forget how much I wanted them to understand and focus on them. I could only see how much it would hurt them. Anything hurts them.
It didn't feel like it, but it has been years since I had seen them. Now, Edward is ten-years-old and Alphonse is nine-years-old. Edward hasn't grown much and even Alphonse is taller than him. Sara says he overreacts to people talking of his height. It's laughable to Kenji and Hikaru when I read our the comments she makes about Edward. Sonya does the same to Haru. Ilko would say he is still growing and Hiro says he won't grow because of Pinako's smoking. I wrote that to the elderly woman and she wrote back, 'Don't tell Edward that.' We had a good laugh.
I hadn't told them everything of what happened on my last day there. They would worry about how I feel. In truth, I was afraid that I would cry if I say it.
Upon coming back to Central, I had met someone. He's a really nice man named Maes Hughes. His wife; Gracia; is the one I actually met, but she introduced us. Gracia had caught me stealing candy with Kenji and bought it for us.
We bonded. Kenji went back to the camp as I spoke with the nice woman. She told me of her husband and we made plans to met at the park every Friday. They thought of me as their own and offered for me to move in. I declined.
I didn't tell them of were I lived or who with, but Maes knew. He is in the Investigation Department of the military. As time passed, everything became a routine. Hunting, training, stealing, playing, cooking, meeting, and even the way I made my hair. Now, it looked just like my mother's, the way it was tied.
As things moved to a comfortable pace, an accident happened. Sara and Urey had been killed in Ishbal. Pinako had sent the letter and I cried. It felt like my mother all over again. They were like Aunt and Uncle to me and now they, too, are gone. It hurt all over again. Pinako said that I shouldn't come to the funeral. Edward, Alphonse, and Winry didn't know of the letters and they still get upset at the sound of my name.
Winry said that I was the reason my little brothers are sad when they are alone. She thinks I'm the reason that her parents are sad when they say my name. Does she hate me for her parents understanding me?
So, the Ishbalans and I sent a prayer to them. It was our own funeral for the Doctors that had lived how they believed. They treated everyone like equals. I will miss them so much, but I will move on. I will cry and whine of how I should have told them 'Thank You'. It won't bring them back. Hating the military or Ishbalans won't bring back the dead loved ones. As much as I want to, I won't step on the toes of God to bring back what he took.
It was a while before I got anymore news from Pinako. The next letter had made me smile sadly. The boys will be going away for better training and alchemy help. I told her to still write me when she could because our relationship isn't only about my brothers. When I had told Maes, he said he would have a connection watch them. I was thankful and told him so.
I walked the quiet streets this night. My long hair tied to the side went to my torso. I hadn't grown much myself and looked younger than twelve-years-old.
My humming filled the silent night as I moved, holding a paper bag. Gracia had made us some apple pie. She had met Sonya, Kenji, and Jenner, but the rest hadn't wanted to meet her. We understood. Most of them shy way from strangers in our race.
As I came to the camp, it was quiet. They must be asleep. The only sign of life was the light from Jigo's shelter. I went to near it and heard him speaking to someone. Curious, I listened. "Yes, we have gotten shelter in the sewers. It will stay safe as long as we are careful, Elder Jigo." It was a deep voice and I could already tell this was an older man.
They seemed to be talking about our camp moving in with theirs.
It sounded safe and I'm pretty sure that Hiro will be scouting the area for safety. A smile was on my lips as they said that we will be moving there in two days if everything went alright. I was in the shadows as the other man left. He was a man in the same kind of robes as the other men, but he had a bald head. Jigo said the bald Ishbalans are teachers. Jigo was bald too. I went to bed with Sonya. She was too old to sleep in the same room as the boys and I offered to share my room with her.
When I woke up the next day, the smaller girl was cuddled to my side. I smiled and unwrapped from her. I dressed in my usual green shirt and white shorts with shoes. My hair was done before I left the tent/tunnel and I smiled at the good weather.
There was noise from around and only the older people were up. Of course, Jenner was awake too. "Momma!" The small boy stumbled over to me in a hurry. He is four-years-old and his hair had gotten longer. The only sign that he was part Ishbalan was his red eyes. I smiled to the toddler and picked him up. It didn't surprise the others that he thought I was his mother. We had the same mouth, nose, and skin tone.
Kenji and Hikaru started calling me that as a nick-name, but now all of the little kids call me that. The two boys got upset that their nick-name wasn't so special any more, so now only they call me Boss. I had started to train them in defense fighting. Sonya has started to learn from Niko on womanly things and they seem to be getting along great. Ilko and Haru have started to bond and they are good friends now, despite the age difference.
Hiro had left already to scout the sewers. I smiled all day as I played with the kids. They enjoyed to fun. All afternoon, it was hide-and-seek. An epic game. Kenji won three rounds and I won the rest. Time slipped from my mind as we played. The sun fell from the sky and the heat of the day cooled off a lot.
Jigo came over to me, "Beth, may I have a word?" He asked politely as the kids were sent to bed. Jenner stayed on my hip as I followed the man. We went to outside of his tent for privacy and he continued, "I need you to go to town. Near the outside to the east is a bridge that has a sewer entry." He paused and I thought it over. It must be the one Hiro went to, to check out. The more I thought of my day, the more I realized that I hadn't seen Hiro all day. Is he okay?
I swallowed to stop any worries from being voiced. Jigo went to continue, but I spoke first, "I know. Hiro went there to check out the other Ishbalan camp." My knowledge of what went down last night and how I knew it was Hiro surprised the man. My smile eased him to smile too. So, I gave him a nod on going.
Jenner got the okay to go with me because he threw a big fit on staying with me. So, we walked the night streets to the bridge. All was quiet and I looked into the dark cave under the bridge. "Hello?" I called softly for someone. Jenner held onto me tightly as I walked a little closer. I sighed, "Is Hiro still here?" My voice was a little louder and I waited for some kind of response. The man from the night before poked his head from the shadows and looked me over. At the sight of Jenner's red eyes, he stepped out fully.
The man seemed certain I was good and spoke,"Hiro left near sunset. Is he not there?" His voice was slightly worried, but we were strangers. I was an outsider to their race and he was unsure of me as a good person. He was only certain that I was apart of the camp he went to and didn't trust me enough to invite me in.
I clenched my jaw in fear, "No, he must have gotten lost in the dark. I will look for him. Thank you." My voice gave the worry that was in my mind as I left the man and his hidden camp. Searching the roads and allies near by, we hadn't found him.
Jenner had fallen asleep as we walked back to camp. I was stopped short of my journey. The air smelled of smoke and something burning. Yelling was heard as I hurried to follow it. I made sure not to wake Jenner as I moved quickly. My eyes gathered with tears on sight as smoke blazed from the tents and slum houses. Gun shots were heard throughout the night as I put one hand to Jenner's uncovered ears.
It was so heart breaking as I held back. My mind screamed to kill them, but my body knew the logic of not listening to the rash thoughts. Or so I thought. My foot tapped the ground as I watched a uniformed man come from the tent of Ilko and Niko. He was zipping his fly and wore a large smug look. A rock had shot from the ground and right through his chest. Was that me? Did I kill him?
The screams had stopped now. Why?
I looked at the sound of movement in a bush near me. My eyes watched it as it let someone fall through. The person landed to the ground by my foot and a little hand reached towards me, "M-m-momma..." The child breathed out as red eyes looked to me for help. Haru. The little girl looked like she was in so much pain as she cried out. There was blood everywhere as I keeled beside her. "Shh... Momma's here, baby girl..." I cooed to the child. Shifting Jenner to a position were I could use my left hand I reached to her. She held my hand tightly, "I-I don't want... to die." Her words made more tears come as she cried harder. She was bleeding so much. What do I do?!
I pulled her closer and put pressure on her wound. It was on her ribs. So much red liquid. What do I do to save her? She cried and cried my name. "Don't let me die." She repeated and I nodded. "You won't die. I won't let you." My words sounded broken and I didn't let her go. Her red eyes pleaded for me to save her as she got paler.
"I don't feel it anymore, Momma." She whispered in the quiet. I was losing her. After all of my training, I didn't now what to do. My mind was in a panicked mush as I tried. "No, baby, stay with me. Momma's going to help you!" I spoke fiercely as her breathing got shallow. Haru shook her head,"It won't help...I-I'm going t-to d-d-die..." She let her tears fall. I set the little boy down next to me, careful not to wake him. Jenner sleeps like a rock. What do I tell him?
I pull her head onto my lap and use both hands to hold her wound, "It's okay, Baby Girl... I love you so much..." My voice broke, but I held back all sobs. She needed me to be strong. Her dark hand went over my light ones and I looked into her eyes. She seems to have calmed down as she spoke, "Just... sing t-to me o-one last t-time, M-momma..." Haru sounded so innocently weak and I nodded. I couldn't save the little girl.
I took a breath to clear my mind and focus,
"In this world you tried Not leaving me alone behind.
There's no other way, I've prayed to all Gods, 'Let her stay.'
The memories ease the pain inside And now I know why.
All of my memories keep you near.
In silent moments, You'll be here.
All of my memories keep you near,
In silent whispers. Silent tears."
I let my voice and mind clear as I started on the lyrics of a song I began. My voice held perfect as the child closed her red eyes. She whispered three words when I finished and I knew she was gone. I was too late to save her.
I only came to see flames and a little girl die. My mind screamed for me to move. To bring them back. Bring back the little girl that hugged me every morning. The little girl that was begging me for life. The two little boys that called me Boss. The old lady that scolded me as I cooked. The woman that let me play with her hair and her loving sister that wrote songs with me. The three men that let me hunt with them. The elderly man that would tell me amazing stories of another time.
I wanted to bring back the people that treated me like their own. I could only stand and hold onto the sleeping boy once again.
Why was I too late to help them. They didn't deserve this. This pain should not have been brought to them. They were good people... They did nothing wrong! Tears streamed down my face like twin rivers as my heart crushed. The image didn't leave my mind as I couldn't look away. They can't be gone.
They were just here. Haru were right here less than a moment ago, it's not possible. My mind reeled as the smell of burning flesh came to me and I could only watch. Blue-green eyes of mine could only watch the blue uniform military burn the bodies. Burning the evidence that they were here. Burning bodies of people I had lived with for years and not thinking twice about it. I could only watch and restrain myself.
The sudden weight of a hand on my empty shoulder made me jump and tap my foot, making stone hit the hand way. I turned to see who came to interrupt my moment of silence to see a blue uniform. My leg jerked out and the taller man caught it like he knew it was coming. He didn't let it go and I finally looked at his face. The familiar man looked at me with guilty green eyes. Black hair was pulled back as I saw the face of Maes Hughes. I held the sleeping boy to me tighter and Maes let my leg go. We looked at one another with no idea what to do or say.
He looked at the scene behind me, "Go to my house and rest, Elizabeth." He ordered without looking at me as he was called away by another soldier. My body listened to him and I moved slowly. When I came to his apartment, I walked in. Gracia was already sleeping and I laid Jenner on the couch. After covering him with the blanket on the back of the couch I just sat there. I felt empty.
My body wanted to sleep, but my mind wouldn't stop. I couldn't stop seeing the camp. Not the living-room coffee table. It was the camp. The man I had killed. The man I had watched kill a little girl I let sleep with me. The tent that held two screaming boys. The sound of my name coming from a little girl with wounded ribs. How she cried for life. I could save them.
I had the power, more than enough, to save them. Why did my mind go blank? It hurts... My heart hurts so bad that I can't even cry anymore. I just sit in the darkness. So many things going on in my head that I couldn't blink. My hands had wiped the wetness from my cheeks only to get my face more wet.
Why are my hands wet? When I looked at them through the dark, they were red. This is blood. Haru's blood... A little girl's life. Everything came back to me like I knew it would. Filling me with numbing pain. And hate. But, I will only show the pain. Who am I to hate people for carrying out orders?
I just stare at the blood. Like it belongs there. It does. I had the power to help my friends. All I could do was stare. All I could do was watch them die. It hurts. Now, I cry. My tears come back with revenge as I start to hiccup quietly. They were really gone. My home. My friends. Family. Almost everything.
My suit case, guitar, and little Jenner were still here. My things were here because Gracia wanted to clean my clothes and I didn't want to carry it all back. Jenner was here because I took him with me. Does that mean I saved him? Did I save myself and a little boy without knowing it? I think I did. Now, if only I could have saved Haru. If only I could save the people that loved me.