Eldest Elric

What He Was

Digging took all night. It was slow and tiresome. Yet, I finished. The deep hole was a little bit from the edge and it was perfect. The whole funeral thing was not like others. Dominic and his family was the first there. Noah was the guide for the whole thing as more people came. Roy and his Unit made it together with many flowers. Gracia, Elicia, Pinako, and Winry. The people from Youswell. The Carter family from Mandrett. Town kids and family from New Optian. Even the Ishbalans from the Lost City of Xerxes. This was difficult because of the military friends, but they agreed that today was the day of peace. It was not war right now, just grieving for the little boy they loved. I knew they understood.
Our good friends in Dublith came. Circus Folio came together because the Ring Master was our personal friend. Natalie made sure to be there with her friends and family. This was so hard to do. With all of our friends gathered for this funeral, it felt real. The dreamy haze I was under for days lifted and I ended up here. Standing in front of all of these men, woman, children, and friends. Without Jenner.
I looked at each of them as they watched me, "It's not on the best of days that we are here, but I'm happy you could all make it to see Jenner off." My speech was now. Natalie was in tears, like many other children. Even some of the adults cried. My vision was clear as I looked at them. "I don't know exactly how this goes, but I know it's a sad thing. Burying the dead loved ones... Yet, I know Jen would rather us be happy. He always wanted people to smile." So, I smiled a little. The memory of this boy will stay with me my whole life. He will always be on my mind, in my heart. "Jenner was a precious boy. Like a son to me. Family to most of you. A great friend to others." Tears started to fill my eye, "The first time I saw Jenner, was when I was eight-years-old. I had shown my friends where they could set up their camp and there he was. In the arms of the Elder Woman. His blonde hair reminded me of my brother's." I smiled more at the fond memory. Edward may not know it, but he's the whole reason I looked at Jenner twice. "When I first held him in my arms, I knew he was mine. Jenner had me the moment he smiled. He was so small..." Retelling the first times made me so sad, "I often wonder now: Where did the time go? Yet, when I see all of our amazing friends, I know it was put to good use. So, thank you all so much for being there. Being kind, a true friend, or even just a nice person to my little boy. I'm sure he was happy to have so many good memories and friends." With that, my true feelings out, I moved for my guitar. They didn't need me to explain this song,
"I'm gunna pick up the pieces and build a Lego house,
So if things go wrong we can knock it down.
My three words have two meanings, there's one thing on my mind:
It's all for you.
If it's dark in a cold December, but you've got me to keep you warm.
If you're broken, I will mend ya and I'll keep you sheltered from the storm that's raging on now.
I'm out of touch, I'm out of love.
I'll pick you up when you're getting down.
And out of all these things I've done, I think I love you better now.
I'm out of sight, I'm out of mind.
I'll do it all for you in time.
And out of all these things I've done, I think I'll love you better now."
My fingers strummed the strings as I did a solo acoustic for the ending. Jenner and I had only gotten this far on this song, so I felt that it was like us now. He is out of touch and sight. Smiling to the others around, I said, "Anyone want to say anything?"
Many people did. They spoke of Jenner as the kind boy he was. Retelling stories of their own and it really lightened the mood. The hardest part for me was actually burying the boy I love. The Ishbalans prayed while Sig and Alex put him in the hole.
Tears didn't come yet. Being emotionless was all I could hold onto at this moment. It was the only thing that made me feel secure. Without Jenner, it was all I remember. Before the bright child came to me, this is how I was. Pushing back my emotions and feelings. It's my defense mechanism.
People gave me condolences and words of comfort. I could only nod to show I was going to be okay. Inside, I was a mess. There was so much Jenner missed out on because of me. School, long friendships, proper dating, and a normal life. It was painfully obvious that I was guilty of everything now. Yet, in my mind and heart, I knew that he had done more things than other children his age. We were free; he was free.