Eldest Elric

Gone

They had left when the nurse said I needed to sleep, but I didn't sleep. I watched Jenner all night. Afraid that he could wake without me smiling at him. Afraid I would miss something. My guitar was in my lap and I strummed the strings. Jenner always loved my singing,
"It's just a matter of time a few days ago
I saw you, you were fine.
Remembering what you said about the book you read
The one that I got you at the beginning of the end.
Oh, how we talked,
For hours upon end.
What I would give just to do it again.
But you're lying there in this hospital bed.
Won't you open your eyes and let's talk once again."
I paused and looked at my Jenner, hoping he would do something. When there was no signs, I continued,
"If you fly away tonight
I want to tell you that 'I love you'.
I hope that you can hear me.
I hope that you can feel me.
If you fly away tonight
I want to tell you that I'm sorry
That I couldn't save you when we were face-to-face"
Now, I was crying. Yet, I didn't let my voice crack. The morning dawn came and my mind worked out the rest of the lyrics.
"Well, I've been here all night and I'm watching you,
Breath in and breath out.
Is it really you or just a machine
That's giving you life and making it seem
That there could be hope?
I could say to your face,
If it weren't for you that there would be no grace
That's covered my life.
You took the time to speak into my mind and my heart
Words of life."
My voice echoed off the walls and I looked at the seemingly asleep boy,
"If you fly away tonight
I want to tell you that 'I love you'.
I hope that you can hear me.
I hope that you can feel me.
If you fly away tonight
I want to tell you that I'm sorry
That I couldn't save you when we were face-to-face"
I ended it there. My mind didn't want to got farther than 'If' and my voice started to crack. I want him to wake up. Thoughts of his first times came to mind. The first time he road a bike. Played my guitar. Had a pet. Made a friend. I could even remember the first time he smiled at me. It seemed like so long ago that I would cradle him in my arms and feed him from a bottle. So long ago when we were happy at the slum.
The door opened and Olivier spoke, "So, you can play." She was soft about it and I gave a small nod. "Jenner is learning to play too. He wants to play a song for Natalie, his crush, when we go back to her village." I can't help but think on him all the time. Olivier will like him when he wakes up. I turned to her with a smile, "You will like him. Jenner... He is easy to get along with and he likes to learn and he really likes new friends. Jen likes a lot of things. He only hates one thing in the whole world, but he will come to forgive that guy and like him too." My rambling cause tears came again, but I pushed them down.
Olivier sat beside me, "Some people are here to see you two." When she said that four people came into the room followed by Buccaneer. Two of them were in the white uniform, one was in a blue uniform, and one dressed slightly casual. I recognized the last one, "Vato Falman?" I stood up. He looked at me and gave a smile, "You've grown, Miss Elizabeth." At his words I gave him a hug. We may send letters and picture, but seeing and talking in person is better. He pulled me back and looked me over, "You are still short." I pouted playfully and he laughed.
We all sat on my bed and I learned names. The blue uniformed guy is Miles. He hadn't taken off his glasses yet, but I could tell he was Ishbalan. The others are Colt and Sean. They were the ones who helped us. "Thank you very much. We owe you two our lives." I smiled at them. Truly, I was thankful.
They seemed embarrassed about it and I could tell they weren't use to it. "It's alright, glad to help." Sean smiled at me easily. We had light conversations on my travels and how things were going around Briggs. Olivier and Miles reminded me of Roy and Riza. The loyalty part. I could see that he would follow her to Hell and back. It made me smile more at the thought. How are the others?
"You guys should visit us when we get to where we're going, you'll love it." I smiled at them. Vato made a joke that the warm dessert will do them good. It almost felt nice. The sudden beeping of the monitor next to me had me by the boy in a second. He never left my mind as I looked him over. Jenner's red eyes looked at me and I smiled softly, "Hey, Honey." I kissed his forehead and his arms wrapped around me. Liquid fell onto my shoulder as he shook, "Mo-momma..." The voice was small and it reminded me of when he was a child. I rubbed circles on his back, feeling whole again.
This is what I needed. The feeling he gave me was like no other. How he would warmly hug me and smile at me. There was no wrong he could do in this world. Kisses littered the small boy as I missed him. Something was wrong though. Jenner didn't smile now, "I-I... Momma..." That was all he said before he went into a seizure. The small body withered and thrashed under me and I moved quickly.
The bedside rag was used as a gag, so he didn't bite off his tongue. I moved away the blankets and pillow. Then, I had to remove the I.V because he could rip his vein. Everything was protected. Now, I could only watch and wait. "Jenner. Come on, baby, calm down." I muttered as I rocked back and forth on my heels. Watching my blonde boy on the brink of death killed me inside. He has to make it. He's my strong boy.
Tears came down my face and I was shaking, there was a hand on my shoulder. A doctor was there and we could only watch. He made the others leave and I was on my own. Watching my little boy. The heart monitor was going crazy and I could hear bits of what the boy is saying. Three words came out that I understood clearly. Love. Momma. Bye.
The monitor suddenly went dead. The deafening noise made me numb.
He's gone. My baby boy. The boy I raised from a bottle... My world fell apart. There was nothing for me now. Jenner made me who I am today. How can I move on? How could I look our friends in the eyes and tell them? Tell them that I got my baby killed. It was my fault... Why could I protect this one child?! If not my mother, brothers, the camp, or Maes, then at least Jenner. It hurts so bad... I could only watch, like that useless child I was years ago. Is life even worth it anymore? My mind was livid with sorrow and grief. My body was numb. I was so angry and sad. Why couldn't I save him?!
The tears didn't stop, even after they covered his beautiful face. He's gone... The ball of light in my darkness. The only one in the world who stayed by my side.
I need him back. Yet, even I knew I shouldn't. I was not my brothers and I knew that the dead needed to stay dead. For just a moment, I let the thought linger. Just for a moment. It didn't make the sadness go away. The memory of what Edward and Alphonse brought back made me understand that it wouldn't work.
My baby is gone for good. My eye never left his body. No one tried to take him to the morgue and no one bothered me. As if they knew how I would react. Blood would spill if they did anything right now.
On the third day, Olivier dropped off the letters from our friends. I looked through them and prepared my replies. I had to tell them of Jenner... Even Natalie. In a week, he will be buried at Abaski Rock. Yes, I decided on that. With numbing pain, I began to write. The letters went to everyone I knew. Everyone in the East, Central, South, and West. "Olivier, in a week, Jenner will be buried in Abaski Rock. I need to make my way there with him and prepare, so could you invite the others?" I asked her when she came in. She gave a nod and watched me for a moment. Did she worry?
The thought didn't get any reaction from me. I was done for caring now. We left that night, on the last train. My eye looked out the window and no where else. Trained thoughts on everything, but crying. For a whole six days, I was on that train. The body was preserved and there was no problems. I just couldn't feel anything right now.
When I arrived at the closest stop to the Eastern Dessert, it was dawn. Lali was a quiet village. They didn't bother with me, but Noah was there. He was leading me to Abaski Rock and had a hoarse for my boy. I thanked him and hugged him. The car ride was nearly an hour. When we got to the perfect spot, the one with the most beautiful view of the setting sun, I got out the shovel. "I can do it." I told him. It was something I wanted to do on my own. Jenner was my child.