Eldest Elric

What They Want

I walked from the house after my little brothers and followed them to the cemetery. Silence filled the air as the preacher spoke of our mother, their dear friend, and a beautiful person. I stood in silence, just staring at the freshly turned dirt.
My gaze was empty as I thought of what to do now. I will stay with my brothers and help them. They may need me more now than ever. Or do I need them? I just didn't want to leave them again. They are all I have left and I didn't want any more to regret. Watching them grow from the other side of my glass wall.
I am their big sister and I need them to know that I will protect them. I will always protect them. They need to know why I left. Edward and Alphonse need to know how much I love them before it's too late. Before they hate me forever.
As people dispersed, we stayed. My baby brothers and I. My eyes looked at their tear-stained faces. I had to tell them. When I opened my mouth, Edward spoke, "Just leave." He sounded so angry as he didn't look away from the grave stone. Again, I tried to tell him, but he wouldn't let me, "We don't need you here, Elizabeth." It hurt to hear him say that to me. Did he want me to hurt?
My eyes looked to his and he glared back before turning away, "I can't even stand to look at you. Go away." Edward meant to hurt me. My little brother wanted to see me hurt because of what I did. Everything in my body screamed in regret. Regret that I was too late. How do I tell him again? I had forgotten. It hurt so much that I felt my mask crack. I looked to Alphonse for anything. Even if it's a glance. No. That's not what I got. He gave me a glare that shouldn't be there. Not on my sweet baby brother.
I pulled all of my emotions together and let out a heavy sigh. They want me gone. They hate me. For real and forever. So, I will leave. As much as I wanted to bring them into my arms and cry my little heart out, I had to be strong. What would they think if they saw me crying? Edward may feel bad knowing that he hurt me. Alphonse will cry even harder. Someone needs to be strong in front of them. Call me easily swayed, but I always go back to feeling weak around my brothers.
I turned away from them and swallowed. So many things to say, but I was too late. Too late to tell them it was for our mother. Who am I to make my brothers feel worse about me leaving? They would be crushed knowing that I was trying out there and they were oblivious to her pain. It's better to let them think I left because of them.
On the way out of the graveyard, I saw Pinako. Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out a slip of paper. It had my Post on it and I handed it to the small woman. She looked me in the eyes. "I'll watch them for you, so come back and tell them the truth when I tell you to." Her words put me at ease and I gave her a faint smile.
Before the night came, I was packed and ready to leave again. My mother had left me a note under my pillow and I made sure to grab it. Yet, I was too afraid to read it. So, I had just put it in the zipper in my suit case with the other letters. I saved all of the letters and pictures. As I was outside of the house for the last time for a while, I smiled.
My mother is gone and my brothers hate me, yet I need to move forward. She wouldn't want me to be so stuck on her after everything is said and done.
When I had arrived back in Central, I was welcomed with opened arms of my Ishbalan friends. This is were I will stay. I will smile and laugh on with them, because you can't bring back the dead. You can't make anyone love you again.
I stayed away. Just like they wanted.