Veronica

Talks With Erin

It was great to be home again, but the break down I just had got to me. I've never been that vulnerable. I don't know why I felt the need to explain that to Angel. Angel left my room some minutes ago and went to Chad's room. I leave my room and go to the kitchen to snack on some chips. I'm hungry.

I go downstairs and see that Erin is there on texting on her phone. She looks up and smiles at me. I smile back and I grab the chips from the cupboard.

"You excited for graduation?" I look at her and smile. I actually am. I'm ready to have fun afterwards and mingle and party.

"I'm extremely ready. I'm tired of high school. I'm tired of school period." She smiles and nods her head. She goes back to texting and then puts her phone down.

"Erin, I have a question." I always wondered this. I think I should find out because I want to know. Maybe I could encourage her in a way.

"Yes?" I smile and she smiles with me. I sit on the counter and look at her.

"Why did you leave Chad?" I hear her sigh and look up at me. I wait patiently for her answer and she smiles again.

"Take drive with me?" I nod my head and we head out to her car. I get in and we begin to drive. Everything we drive by looks so familiar. I finally realize we arrive to the lake that Chad and I first had sex at. What the heck?

We get out the car and we begin to take a walk. It looks so different in the morning. It's stilk secluded and the rest of the world can't see it.

"Frank and I had our first date here. Chad doesn't know this, but he was actually conceiveed here." I begin to laugh and she looks at me confused. I try to gain my composure and I look at her.

"It's so funny because Chad and I first had sex here, so I just found it funny." she begins to laugh and puts her hand over her mouth. I begin to laugh again. After awhile we gain our composure again and we continue walking.

"I left Chad because I was irresponsible and selfish. I cheated on Frank with Mr. Wilson and I wasn't ready for a family and I just wanted to travel and live." the story sounded familiar. Except it's not coming from my dad's lips it's coming from Erin's. She nods her head and smiles.

"I loved Chad and I thought I was going to stay and raise this child, but I left when he had just turned two. I would come back every four years. I'm such a horrible mother I know." except I didn't come back when he was ten and fourteen. I just showed up this year. I skipped 12 years of his life." I saw a tear fall from her eye and she wiped it. She smiled at and I finally understood her.

"Why didn't you answer his phone call when he wanted to wish you a happy birthday?" She cried some more and I looked at her. I rubbed her back and she shrugged.

"What would I have said to him? Hi, I'm sorry I skipped twelve years of your life, but I plan to see you graduate." I begin to laugh and tilt my head side to side.

"That could've worked. Erin?" She looked at me and wiped her eyes. She smiled again.

"Yes?" I smiled and I took a breath. I didn't want to make her feel like I was pressuring her.

"I think you should tell Chad about why you left and why you didn't answer his phone call." She smiled and nodded her head. She hugged me and I hugged her back.

"I think you're right Roni." We pulled apart and continued walking. It was so beautiful outside and I loved that she brought me out here again.

"Roni, do whatever the fuck you want to do. Don't let all these people get into your head about who you are and what your career should be. Who are they? They're probably bored with their miserable lives especially Mr. Wilson." I laughed and nodded my head. I never heard anyone tell me that. She's the first person to tell me this.

"Thank you. I really needed to hear that from someone. I went to Phoenix, Arizona to get some answers from my dad." I felt like I should tell her. She would just understand my need to up and leave like I did. I had a broken relationship and it needed mending extremely bad.

"Did you get your answers?" I smile and nod my head.

"Yeah I did. He has wife named Rana and she has a son in college named Sebastian. We had a night and the next morning my father must've saw the interaction between us at the table and he got upset. He didn't want me to distract Sebastian from his school work and I was being disrespectful to his family. Then I told him I was his family and from there on I got my questions answered." She listened to every word nodding her head. I love that Erin listens. I feel like she really understands the situation. She doesn't judge and she just sends love.

"Will you ever see your dad again?" I smile at her and nod my head. I plan to we mended the relationship that needed to be mended. I got my dad back and he got his daughter back. I know I only stayed a short period of time, but in that time we got each other back.

I wish he would've stayed and then I realized if he did I would've never met Chad because my mother would've never met Frank and married him.

"Everything happens for a reason." She smiles at me and I nod at her statement. We head back to the car and we begin to drive back to the house. That was a great talk I had with her at the lake.

"Where are all the places you've been?" I hear her hiss trying to gather the answer. She must've been everywhere theb if it takes that long to answer.

"I've been to New York, Miami, London, Cairo, Montego Bay, Honolulu, and much much more. It's hard to think of alk the places." I smile and I wonder where I will go when I travel. I want to travel everywhere. I want to see the world honestly.

"I want to travel when I get out of school. I need to just go and free myself." I see a smile disappear from her face and I wonder what she's thinking.

"What's wrong Erin?" She looks at me and shrugs. I realize she's thinking about Chad.

"What about Chad?" I sigh and I look out the window as the trees pass by. I open my car window and let the wind come in.

"Chad... Chad can't be left by two people he loves. He'll go crazy I just know it Roni." I place my hands on my forehead. Here goes that love word again.

"Chad is going with me Erin. I'll find a way." I actually don't know if Chad will go with me. What if he doesn't want to? Then I would've wasted my time asking him.

"Are you sure?" I look at her and give her the what-do-you-think face. She nods her head and we finally arrive back home. We get out the car and head into the house. Chad looks at me and his mother as we walk in. Angel is sitting next to him.

"Where did you guys go?" I wasn't in a talking mood with Chad. I gave Erin the look so she would talk to him and she nodded her. I just looked at Chad as his eyes pierced mine. I smiled slightly at him and I went back upstairs.

I go up to my room and see I have 14 missed calls from Denise. I was serious when I said I wanted to be to myself. I don't want to deal with no one else. I don't want to deal with anyone at all. I flip my phone over so I'm not plagued by the missed calls.

I lay on my bed and think about everything that has happened in the past two months. A lot of shit has happened. I keep thinking when will I get myself together, but hey I'm made to be this completely fucked up. I'm just glad I have someone like Erin to talk too. She's as completely fucked up as I am and she understands. Yeah Denise listened, but she couldn't relate because she has a steady relationship. She doesn't know what it's like to have no parent be there because she has both. She was opposite of me and she had herself together or at least it seemed that way. I'll call her when I have myself together until then everyone can fuck off.