Veronica

The Revelation

I woke up to the sun shining on my face, my body wrapped in Chad's arms. All yesterday he stayed in my room and we talked and talked. I opened up to him about my dad and the time I went to Phoenix. We shared little memories with each other and I felt myself grow happy with each memory. He was so open with me and he seemed so happy sharing the memories. Then there was a moment where he was silent and deep in thought and I just admired him in that deep state. I get up slowly not wanting to wake him up.

I open my door and I look back at him and I lean on my doorframe. I begin to admire his features and everything about him. I really am in love with him and I still can't say it. Why can't I say it? It's not that damn hard. I head to the bathroom and I brush my teeth. I can't stay here anymore I have to go. I head back into my room and I begin to pack a bag filled with my clothes. Through all of this packing I look at Chad and I can't leave him or can I? The whole point I just contemplated leaving him tells me I need time to think. I need a second opinion.

I just need a day to figure shit out. I take my bag and I leave my room and run down the stairs. I grab my keys and head out to my car. I begin to drive to Denise's place hopefully her parents aren't home.

I arrive to Denise's house and I get out the car. I walk up to her house door and I knock. I keep knocking frantically until someone opens. I see her tired face open the door and I walk in.

"I'm leaving Denise... I'm going or I want to go, but I keep thinking about Chad and how he would be doing. If I even asked him to leave with me he would probably say no and I don't want the rejection, but I also don't want him to fuck with Lisa. Denise I need help I need you to speak to me. I don't understand." I feel her stop me in my tracks after pacing back and forth. She looks me straight in the eyes.

"First of all it's early as hell. Two if you want to go, go nothing is stopping you, but if Chad pops to your mind everytime you want to leave it means he's meant to come with you and you know you want him to go with you. Do what you want to do. You are one of the most free spirited people I've ever met. You weren't meant to stay in one place." She's right if I want to go. I can go no one is stopping me. I literally have a car and money stacked up with me in my bag to pay for shit I need. I can go. I want to see the world.

"But Roni, you're in love with this man and you need to tell him." I look at her wide eyed. I can't tell him that I'm in love with him I'm too damn scared. She hugs me and I hug her back.

"Roni, you are one of the strongest people I know and to see you terrified makes me want to question where the hell my best friend go? We don't get scared we challenge fear." I begin to laugh and we pull apart and she looks at me.

"I just need some time to think." She rolls her eyes and I cross my arms. I look at her waiting for her response.

"What the hell is there to think about Roni? Are bullshitting me right now? Think Roni... Think. You have someone that loves and you were asking me why doesn't anyone love you and all that shit. It's because they know they may not get the same emotinal response back. Someone finally takes that leap with you and you can't do the same." I begin to pace back and forth and I hear her. I swear I hear her. What can't I just let myself love him and feel?

"Denise, I hear you. I swear I do, but he's messing with Lisa and then yesterday he washed my hair, massaged my scalp in almond oil, and I slept in his arms and we didn't even have sex. I woke up this morning and I knew I forgot what my true intentions were and that was to leave this place then I thought about him. His mom already left and If I leave two women he loves would've left him. At the same time I know he'll say no if I ask him to go with me." Denise kneels down in front and I stare at here.

"If he says no you convince him to go. I can't tell you how you feel about this boy or any of your reasonings for loving him. I do know that you're in love with him. I keep wondering why are you still in my house when you could be spilling these feelings to him." I sigh and I slouch into the couch. I lay on my back and stare at the ceiling.

"I just need time that's all." I hear Denise sigh and she hits my arm. I clutch on to where it hurts and try to rub it.

"What you need is someone to push your ass and give you tough love and that's what I'm about to do in 30 minutes. You have 30 minutes to think and get your shit together." I nod my head and I see her leave from out of my sight. I hear her footsteps going up the stairs.

I have thirty minutes to figure this out. Reasons why you should tell because he admitted his feelings to you, he's always there for you, he explored you, you guys have great talks with each other, and he challenges you. Reasons to not tell him because he could reject your love, he's heavily fucking with Lisa, and he's judgmental. All the pros out weigh the cons and I still don't want to tell him.

Why am I such a scary bitch? He loves me so it shouldn't be hard for me to tell him. I've already screwed over this man so much and I don't want to screw him over again by not being open with him. I have all these feelings about him. I have so many great memories with him.

I just want to love him and I don't think I can if I don't just tell him I'm in love with him. I know I can do this and take that crazy leap. I know I can do it. Whenever he's upset I feel like I have to step in and have his back. I always feel that way. Especially when Erin showed up to Mr. Wilson's retirement party.

*Flashback*

"Chad, son are you okay?" I smiled fakely at Mr. Wilson honestly I was stunned by him for even inviting Chad's mother. Chad was in so much shock that he just stared at him that night.

"Yes, he's fine." I remember responding for Chad who was just in a complete state of shock. Mr. Wilson fucking knew better that night. He had invited Chad's mother and that would surprise anyone to be honest. I keep wondering why did he invite Erin for that night?

"Why are you answering for him?" the jealousy in Austin's eyes were apparent. He didn't like what I was doing at all. He probabsly didn't like the way I showed him so much attention. I don't regret it though.

"Excuse me?" I wanted him to say something stupid that night so I could yell and break up with him. I just wanted to be done with him for good.

"Why are you speaking for him like he's a little boy?" jealousy speaks so loud when they least expect it to. I guess he didn't see that coming.

"Clearly he can't speak for himself because his mind is somewhere else." I had him stumped. He couldn't even respond back to me that little bastard. He spent that whole time trying to talk down to me and he couldn't even come back at me. I find that to be extremely funny.

"He really can't speak for himself. I guess it's because of me." I was so ruthless towards Erin because I thought she was selfish and deserved no forgiveness. Then I realized she was kind of like me and not forgiving her meant I wasn't forgiving myself.

"Yeah." all I had to say to her. I wasn't going to disagree. Not once was I going to disagree.

*Flashback Ends*

"Thirty minutes up." I jump at the sound of Denise's voice. I sit up and I give her the puppy dog face. She pulls me off of the couch and begins to push me towards the front door.

"Listen you little bitch you will go home and you will confess your love to him and you guys will travel together and I will see your ass in ten years." I begin to laugh and I look at her. I hug her and I kiss her cheek. I walk to my car and I unlock the car door.

"Wait Roni." I look back at her and I smile. She does an awkward smile and I look at her confused.

"Please change your outfit and look halfway okay." I look down in my attire and realize I kind of just ran out the house. I nod my head and she blows me a kiss. I catch it and I get into my car. This... This is why she is my best friend. I take some clothes out my bag and I put it on. It was my jeans and bralet with my jean jacket. I fixed out mt hair in the rearview mirror before I began to drive.