Veronica

Where Happiness Resides

I can do this. I can go into this house and confess my love and everything will be fine. Shit... I can't do this. As I arrive to my house I pass right by it and I know that I need more time to think. I begin to drive to the secluded lake. That was such a peaceful place that it really is my think space. I appreciate Chad for coming there for our first night together.

*Flashback*

"Why me?" I really was confused and it did take me a minut to think about his question. Finally, I understood and I had smiled and walked towards him. I wanted to be so close to him that there was only a little space between us. I wanted him right there as soon as we were close.

"Because It was between a teacher or you. Now tell me which one sounds like a smart idea?" I felt his arm wrap around me and I got excited. I wanted to prove to the fuckboy that I could change his world and clearly I did.

"It depends on the teacher, but choosing me sounds like a great choice." his other hand had slid down my ass and between my legs and he picked me up. I had wrapped my legs around him and my arms went around his neck. His lips touched mine and our tongues massaging each other at the moment I felt the sparks between us. He layed me down on the grass and he kissed my neck licking every once in awhile. Everything he did to me that night made me excited. I can rememeber feeling how hard he was through his pants and mine.

*Flashback ends*

I smile at the memory. He was just so perfect even when he didn't have to be. I get out the car and I begin to walk around. Chad is someone that I want to be there for at all times. I don't want to leave him. I want to be his backbone and I want him to be mine and I know I can love him and take care of him. That time he overdosed I thought I was going to lose him and that scared me.

*Flashback*

I didn't care if he threw up on me I just needed him to be okay, because I honestly I didn't know how I would get on without him. I wanted to see him every morning next to me or just period being cocky and walking around half naked. I just wanted him to come back to me and I wanted him to come back just fine. I felt him beginning to choke and I instantly took my fingers out and he began to throw up over the tub and the floor. I rubbed his back as he was throwing up. When he started to laugh I was confused. I didn't understand why he was laughing. What was so funny to him? What was he going through? It irritated me that he was laughing because he could've just died on me.

"Today is my mothers birthday." he laughed again and he had threw up again. I thought he would never stop throwing it up and once he did, he just looked at me and wiped his lips as if everything was fine and all I wnated to know is what was going on in his head.

"I called her, but she didn't answer," He looked at me and then away and then back at me. Everything about his mother ran deep for him.

"You guys are just a like. It's so easy for you to find happiness again and feel accepted. It's so easy for you guys to leave and act like nothing is wrong." I didn't want to believe that was true, but deep down I knew that was and I had just realized how true it was. He had just reminded me of my own flaws in myself that I was trying to ignore.

"She didn't answer my call so I figured she doesn't want to hear from me." He laughed some more and laughed, laughed, laughed and soon the laugh turned into him crying. I wanted to make him stop and I wanted him to feel better, so I just hugged him.

"Why doesn't she love me?" I thought if she was like me so much then she loves him, but at the same time I couldn't answer the question because honestly who knew if she did or didn't.

*Flashback Ends*

He said it's so easy for me to move on and forget like anything is wrong. It's so easy for me to move on. Then, the night he went slow with me and took his time with me and that night he told me he was in love with me. I realize that every moment I have with Chad has been happy even if we were mad at each other, I noticed we would pretend like nothing was wrong and be on good terms again. He checked on me when I was down. I look out for him and he looks out for me and even when we're not having sex I'm happy. The only person I'm happy with, without having sex is him.