Veronica

Gentle Love

All through the week I've been moping around. I just don't have anymore life in me it seems. It's Saturday and I'm not bursting with energy even though I just came back from the store for my mother.

I hand her the grocery bag and I put alk Chad's request in one bag. I go to his room and I hand it the bag to him.

"Thank you." I smile and leave his room. I head to my room and I sit on the edge of the bed. So much shit I wish I could change. I want Mr. Waters to be healthy and I would never meet Mr. Andrews. I want Austin to be Chad from thr beginning and we would probably last.

I want my list of lovers to go down to a zero. I want so much shit. I hear a knock at my door and I stare at the door.

"Come in." Chad comes in and closes the door. He sits next to me and looks at me.

"Roni, what the fuck is wrong with you because I hate seeing you like this? All the life from your eyes are gone." I look at him and smile slightly. I sigh and look at the door.

"He's getting married and leaving California. He couldn't even tell me." I hear Chad sigh. I look at him and then look away again.

"I asked Denise a question earlier this week and she couldn't quite answer it. The question was Why doesn't anyone love me?" I've had the same question since I was a little girl and it never got answered. He probably can't answer it. I can't answer it. I see him get on to his knees and he sat in between my legs his back against the bed. He unzipped my combat boot on my left leg and he took it off. He repeated the same thing on my right foot. He turned around and kissed my stomach. He unbuttoned my pants and unzipped them, he pulls them down slowly. He comes back up and takes my panties off and throws them to side with the rest of my things. He begins to unbutton jacket slowly, taking his time on each button. He slides it off my arms and throws it to the side. I didn't bother to put on a shirt since my jacket was all the way buttoned up. He comes close like he is about to hug me and he unlatches my bra and it takes it off just as slow. Why is he going slow with me?

He begins to kiss my feet slowly, but passionately. He kisses his way up my leg slowly and passionately. Maybe I'm the slow one. I just now realize everytime I have sex with someone including Chad it's rough. Knowing that presses an emotional button in me. He's taking his time knowing every inch of me and it honestly scares me just like falling in love scares. He kisses up the side of me and he reaches my breast. He licks the nipple and sucks on it massaging it with his tongue.

Every time he explores me I begin to melt. It scares me knowing that this isn't just a fuck. He releases my nipple and continues to kiss up. He makes it toward my shoulder and he kisses it. He kisses along my neckline, on to my neck, he kisses my jaw line and he looks at me with those piercing eyes. He takes my hands and places it on the end of his shirt. I lift it up over his head and throw it to the side. He stands up and I pull his sweatpants down. I see all of him and sees all of me. He gets back down on his knees and restarts the kissing on my jawline. He comes to the side of my lips and he looks at me. He smirks and kisses down my stomach until he reaches my pleasure palace. His tongue begins to roam, but this time it's different he takes his time as if he's making out with it. I grip on to his hair and I realize again no one else has taken their time like he has to explore me, to actually talk to me.

I moan and he begins to kiss his way back up to my lips. He stops under my lips and looks at me again. I've never been more terrified in my life like I am now. No one knows every part of me and he's about to unlock every door. He kisses me gently without his tongue and he does it again. I move in for a kiss, but he pulls back. He kisses my lips softly again. He kisses me and deepens the kiss, he lays me down on the bed and I feel him enter me and I gasp. He moves in and out of me slowly, but every thrust is deep. I moan out softly as he moves and his hands hold my hands down above my head. He kisses my neck slowly and gently.

Why hasn't anyone else have the thought to have sex with me this way? To go against the roughness I'm used to and show me the other side. Why has no one cared so much to give me a different experience except him?

He flips us over as he sits up and I ride him. I clutch on to him as he kisses my lips deep, passionate, and gently. I still clutch on to him and another door unlocks the door to a woman he needs security and constant reassurance. I gently push him down and another door unlocks to a woman who constantly needs to feel in control. I begin to ride him and I hear him moan and he pulls me down and I kiss his neck, jawline, and finally his lips. He flips us over and gives me harder thrust and my nails sink into his skin. I moan out, but it comes out in a whiny way. He kisses my chin and my lips.

He flips us over once more and I ride again speeding the pace up a little. He pulls me down so he can clutch on to me. I feel pump into me from the position he's and I begin to moan because they're hard, deep, slow thrusts into me. I hold on to my headboard and I moan uncontrollably. I feel a tear escape my eye and the last door unlocks to a woman who's fragile and has never been loved this way. I feel him stop and I open my eyes and look at him.

"Why are you crying princess?" I stare at him for awhile. His eyes holding genuine care and concern.

"Because no one has ever loved me this way." He stares for a moment and he kisses me a big deep kiss. Our tongues massaging each other. He thrusts back into me and I hold my headboard again as I close my eyes. I feel my insides tighten and he does one last thrust where I moan out and I orgasm. This orgasm was the biggest one I ever felt. My whole body is shaking and I get off of him and as soon as I do he releases. My legs shake and I can feel his sweat mixed with mine. I wouldn't want it to be any other way.

I try to catch my breath as much as possible. He pulls me close to him and I lay on his chest. He begins to stroke my hair and I hold on to his midsection. He kisses the top of my head and I look up at him.

"There goes that sparkle." he kisses my lips and I feel safe right here in his arms. I feel like this is right. I feel like I've fallen and I can't deny that I have. I won't tell him because I'm scared and terrified.

"I'm in love with you Roni." I feel my body stiffen and I can't move. He didn't just admit that to me. He did not just admit that to me.

"I knew I loved you from the moment we kissed in my car the morning after we first had sex. I knew it had to be when we first had that big argument. I knew even more when you dragged my overdosed ass to the bathtub and took care of me. I officially know now when you just shed that tear and you opened up with me." I sigh and I say nothing I feel him get up and I see him begin to get dressed.

"Chad I'm scared. I was just terrified when you were kissing me slowly and I knew you would unlock every damn door. I'm scared so sorry if I can't admit feelings right now. I just can't." He looks back at me and gives me a small smile. He opens my door and leaves. I'm scared.