One of many stories

Chapter 10

"I usually go out here when my covers are blown. To figure out knew ones." Natasha said as they walked below the trees near Clint's big house. "It's a nice place to think." Steve said as he overlooked the little lake near the house. "Yeah, but I love the kids as well." She said with a small smile. He smiled a bit as he glanced at Natasha who now seemed to be consumed by her own thoughts. Steve stopped walking and Natasha woke up from her messy thoughts and looked at him. "What is it?" She asked as he put his hands in his pockets before looking down at his feet. "I wasn't on a date with Sharon." He said and Natasha raised her eyebrows before starting to walk slowly again.
"You don't need to tell me that, Steve." She said annoyed as Steve grabbed her arm to make her stop walking. She looked at his hand before her eyes went up to his face. "Actually, I do." He said seriously. Natasha frowned.
"Why?" She asked while staring into his eyes. "Because.." Steve began but hesitated. She shook away his hand from her arm and looked at him.
"Just spill it, Rogers." She said. "Why do I need to know that you aren't dating Sharon?" She said with a hint of anger in her voice.
Steve shook his head as he looked at her quietly, not saying a word. "Steve.." Natasha began again but was interrupted by Steve's lips on her own. She was taken by surprise and didn't realise that she was kissing him back until it was too late. His hands went from her cheeks up to her hair and she drowned in his embrace. The same warm feeling she had felt the first time they kissed rushed through her body like a tsunami and she had a hard time staying calm as his body was pressed closer to her own. She had been close to lots of different men, she had kissed lots of men but this, this was nothing like those other times. This meant something to her and that scared her to the bones.

Steve didn't know himself what happened. One second, Natasha almost yelled at him and the next, he was kissing her. Not softly but passionately. He had kissed a few ladies before, but not like this. And Natasha actually kissed him back. He felt her small hands over his body and her lips pressed onto his. He couldn't really believe it. He started kissing her neck as she jumped up in his arms, her legs around his waist. He kissed her neck down to her collar bones before she grabbed his cheek and put his lips onto hers again. Natasha frowned a bit between the kisses.
"This doesn't mean anything right?" She mumbled between the kisses. Steve stopped kissing her immediately and let her down on the ground. "What?" Steve asked as Natasha was about to kiss him again. "What do you mean this doesn't mean anything?" He asked seriously and she looked at him with wide eyes. Natasha didn't say anything. She stood quietly, watching him. "I don't mean anything to you?" He asked and she could hear his voice crack halfway through the sentence. It cracked her heart. "That's not what I meant.." She said with a sigh. "Then what did you mean?" He asked and she bit her teeth together. "We can't happen Steve. Haven't you understood that yet?" She asked as he stared at her, not believing her words.
"Why?" He asked and she looked away. "Don't make this any harder, Steve.." "How could it be hard if I don't mean anything to you?" He said before walking back to the house, leaving Natasha alone below the trees near the small lake.

Natasha was too afraid to walk back to the house, so she sat down in the grass near the lake. She glanced out over the black water in the black night and rolled her eyes at her own stupidness. She couldn't fool anyone, especially not herself. She wanted him, she wanted to be with Steve. But she couldn't. She was embarrassed because she was afraid. Afraid to let someone love her, care for her and trust her. She didn't want any life but her own on her hands. She had always done better on her own. At least, that was what she tried to tell herself. But Steve kept crossing her mind and it became harder and harder to convince herself. And Steve deserved better than her. She refused to believe anything else. Natasha sighed loudly as she looked at the big bright moon that gave the lake a little light.
Steve stood by the window in the guest room Laura had offered him. He felt a sharp pain through his entire body, spreading from his heart. It was just like the last time, only worse. He had a hard time breathing. He loved her so much he couldn't breath and she didn't love him back. He felt his chest getting heavier by the minute and sighed as he looked out over the view. Then he suddenly saw her. Natasha was sitting by the lake, in the grass. He wouldn't have noticed her if it wasn't for the moon. She had her legs pressed to her chest and her face was buried in her hands. He was taken back by the sight. Was she crying? If she was, why? Over him? His problems was long forgotten as he saw her sitting alone outside in the dark. He knew better than to go out to her. She never cried in front of anyone, at least not purposely. But what he once again had thought was gone, started to burn inside him again. A small flame of hope. He knew it may be stupid of him to let himself get hurt over and over. But it didn't matter how much he tried, he could never get over Natasha Romanoff. Not even if she didn't love him back.